Thursday, January 16, 2003

Cleaning out the Gene Pool

Editor's Note: This entry is backdated from my old website I had back in 2003.

So, I've been wondering what my first update of the year would be about. And lo and behold, once again the people of this "enlightened and more civilized time" have provided me with enough content to rant for a month.

The gene pool has already been polluted. I'm not sure how long ago this occurred or who's responsible. I'm not really sure that that matters either... but what is disturbing is that no-one has taken the initiative to clean out the gene pool. It's just getting worse out there folks... and I have some examples for you today.

I'm going to share the more subtle example first. I had been chatting with this particular guy for about a month. He and I seemed to hit it off almost right away. He bore a lot of the qualities that I was looking for in a potential partner for a relationship. He was a little young and too eager to hop in the sack, but otherwise a decent guy. But then, one fateful day, during one particular chat, his true colors were finally displayed for me. Take a look:


*********: good afternoon..............
FloridaGirl TS: hey cutie... ;)
*********: how ar e you? and how have you been?
FloridaGirl TS: doin' alright, I guess
FloridaGirl TS: and yourself?
*********: just alright??
FloridaGirl TS: well, I'm broke... but managing
*********: I'm sorry~
*********: you're still employed right???
FloridaGirl TS: yes
FloridaGirl TS: just light in the pocketbook...
*********: gotcha
*********: so how is the new place coming along?
FloridaGirl TS: gettin' there... I'm procrastinating at the moment
*********: Oh I see....
*********: well when you're done I'd love to see it ;-)
FloridaGirl TS: and I'd be happy to show it to you with it's all done
*********: well hurry hurry
*********: remember the sooner we get to be alone the sooner you get your long awaited full body massage......in a candle lit room, with soft jazz playing in the backround and massage oils that smell lovely.
FloridaGirl TS: right.... lol


(His eager-beaver nature is quite apparent, no? LOL)


*********: unless you don't want to anymore........ ;-)
FloridaGirl TS: no no... I'm still up for it... just need to get everything all straightened out
*********: I know cutie......
*********: well I just wanted to say hello. you seem busy. Enjoy your day.
FloridaGirl TS: I'm sorry... I got held up in the chat room
*********: that's ok
FloridaGirl TS: they stole my attention... lol
FloridaGirl TS: now I'm eve too poor to pay attention! lol
*********: lol
FloridaGirl TS: so what have you done with yourself today?
*********: worked alittle
*********: I'm home now
*********: can I ask a silly question?
FloridaGirl TS: lol... sure
*********: Were you a man at one time?


(I'm thinking... this is an odd question to ask after a month)


FloridaGirl TS: a man... well... I've never really been a man... I was a boy... I'm genetically male... but I don't feel I've ever fully completed the definition for "manhood"
*********: but you have? had? still have? a penis??
FloridaGirl TS: still have
*********: so I almost hoped into bed with a man????????


(Presumptuous... unless he only meant a massage, but somehow I doubt it)


FloridaGirl TS: Wait a minute... you didn't know?!
*********: No!
*********: I never read your website


(A month without seeing my website or noticing what chat rooms I frequent...rriiiigggghhhht.)


FloridaGirl TS: I see
FloridaGirl TS: Well, there's no need to freak out. I apologize for not mentioning it... I only hang out in transsexual chat rooms, so I assumed you knew from that or that you saw my website.
*********: well I'm not freaked out just disappointed you're not a woman


(Now this was just rude. I was really insulted by that comment, even though I didn't play it up as much in the chat.)


FloridaGirl TS: But, your feelings about it are clear as day... so don't worry about a thing. Good luck to you and your life.
FloridaGirl TS: I resent that statement, actually.
FloridaGirl TS: There's no need to insult me.
*********: I'm sorry -
*********: I really don't run onto TS everyday


(TS? The last time a guy who "didn't know" asked what TS meant, he told me he thought it stood for "Too Sexy" yet this guy throws it out there a little too quickly to not have already known what it meant.)


FloridaGirl TS: You never know... you might have and never knew it. We don't stand out in a crowd, draw attention to ourselves, etc... we blend in... the ones that stand out are glory-hungry drag-queens... which I have no use for.
*********: I see
FloridaGirl TS: but, as I said... it's all good... it's not like it's the first time I've gone through this little scenario
FloridaGirl TS: good luck to you and I hope you find happiness out there
*********: hmmmmm thinking


(I've often jokingly said that it's dangerous to see a man thinking... and this was very dangerous.)


FloridaGirl TS: careful... it's not wise to venture into areas that you're uncomfortable in... especially when it involves another soul... in my experience.. it usually (not always) but usually ends up with both parties being hurt
*********: I'm sure you can do things that females cant


(In hind sight, other than impregnate someone, which I think it also out of the question now, I don't know anything I can do that a girl can't. Also in hind sight, this is getting obvious now... most "newly enlightened" guys just run when they find out rather than hang around and ask questions.)


FloridaGirl TS: the ability to do something doesn't necessarily indicate the willingness
*********: true
*********: well I'm sur eyou know more about men's anatomy than most females


(I was really getting irritated now. But should I be irritated at him for digging his own grave, or irritated at myself for believing the bullshit, or just irritated at the circumstances that have put me here in the first place.)


FloridaGirl TS: well... this much is undoubtedly true
*********: ;-)
FloridaGirl TS: but see.. the problem is still the same... I'm not a "fulfiller of fantasies" and I'm not a "living doll" ... I'm just me... looking for love in the world the same as anyone
*********: I understand
*********: well maybe we should part ways


(Amazing. He's tried for almost a month to get me to go out with him, finds out I'm transsexual and decides that I'm not good enough to go out with, but good enough to pleasure him, and when I won't do that, off he goes. Sometimes it's all I can do to hold back my natural urge to beat the living crap out of people.)


*********: I apologize
FloridaGirl TS: Nothing to apologize for
FloridaGirl TS: other than the "not a woman" comment... lol
*********: sorry
FloridaGirl TS: I sincerely wish nothing but the best for you. Good luck and God bless.
*********: same to you!


I've deleted from this post a really lengthy snippet of two guys that were talking about the pros and cons of "dating" transsexuals. It was like watching the movie "Kids" in the way they hooked up, used and threw away the girls they came across. I was appalled.

I've heard from some men that the trans-women are as much to blame for being labeled as "living love dolls" as anyone else. To some extent, this is true, I'm sure. However this same type of generalization is no different than talking about blondes, red-heads, or various racial or ethnic groups of women. Assuming that all are alike, that they all follow the same patterns, act the same way, want the same things, etc... this is folly, this is childish, this is not something anyone looks for.

I'm sure a certain amount of it is kept in perpetuation simply due to the emotional maturity of your average t-girl. I myself am not emotionally mature yet, but I'm getting there. But these men should be within the mature zone by now. Some of them are still young, yes, but to the guys that are in their mid-thirties and up... get a life, treat others with respect, and grow the hell up!

I could rant about this stuff for hours and hours but it would just get boring (if it hasn't already). The point of this was to try and display some of the concepts that are out there about trans-women. This stuff is contagious and breeds presumption about what trans-women want and presumption within the trans-woman herself about what men are about.

So be careful what you say out there. Think before you speak. Communicate, don't just chatter. You never know who might be listening/reading. :)

Love,
Jenna

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Happy New Year

Editor's Note: This entry is backdated from my old website I had back in 2003.

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope everyone had a fun, but safe, time over the holidays. Now the task is to get back in the swing of things. My new year has not started out all that great so far. The first weekend of the new year, my car battery died. I had to get the car towed back home because it was just totally DEAD dead. $75.00 later, new battery, all good.

Also in that same weekend, I received a scorching case of shingles. Lovely. To anyone else who has suffered this, I commiserate with you whole-heartedly. I was even luckier that the particular nerve spiral that was attacked... was on my face and neck. So for those of you expecting new pictures soon... keep waiting... maybe in a month or two I'll be able to have some new ones taken, but right now, cameras are not my highest priority.