It

No... I'm not talking about the Stephen King book... although it was a great book.... horrible movie (even Tim Curry couldn't save that piece of shit). No, I'm talking about "It" as in... whatever It is that gets you where you want to be. Whatever makes you happy and satisfied and social and part of something wonderful.

I know it's different for everyone... but I'm pretty sure the experience of it is exactly the same for everyone too. The part that worries me is when something kills It. I've felt that within myself and have seen that happen to others. Considering ALL that there is in this life to enjoy... why do we sometimes (or often) focus on the negative? Does it make us happy to do that?

It would seem that we're getting something out of focusing on the negative. Maybe a good cry... a cathartic experience to finally put to rest some issues we've had to deal with. Maybe we're trying to convert the negativity into something positive. Maybe we need to express our anger or our frustration. Depending upon how much has been bottled up, it might take a while for it to all be purged.

I had a long heart-to-heart with my best friend in the world last night. He said he "misses Jenna." I was instantly reminded of how I've said that to people in my past, too. Typically the answer I got was "well, that person is gone" or "I don't know where that person is or if they're coming back." I couldn't give that answer last night. I know that what I'm going through is temporary and will eventually be purged. It's just taking a long time to get it all out.

I hear It's call... it beckons me saying... "Laugh at your adversity. Prove to it that it has no power over you. Let the beauty and wonder of this life fill you with joy. Smile!"

I hear it in the music I play. I see it in the shows and movies I watch. I feel it in those closest to me. I see their attempts to cheer me up and I sometimes don't know what it takes to get me over the hump and truly accept the love that's out there. I want It to take certain forms that it just doesn't seem to want to take right now. Hence my frustration.

I'm learning to grow past it, tho. I'm learning (or rather re-learning) how to bring the beauty of life and all it's facets back into focus for my life. To accept my past as it was and to forge a new future for myself.

A few words of advice... be careful when choosing a goal. Make sure you've got more than one to keep you going. Because both the completion of a goal and the absolute failure of a goal are devastating to motivation.

Peace,
Jenna

Independence?

So tomorrow is July 4th, 2008 ... and it is the day patriotic Americans celebrate in remembrance of those who fought for the independence of the British colonies.

It has been flowered up to symbolize true freedom from tyranny and terrorism, etc. etc. even though the people of this nation wouldn't know what true independence was if it rose up and bit them on the ass with poisonous fangs that killed them instantly.

If I sound bitter, I don't mean to. I'm simply pointing out that we Americans are not truly free. We're closer than a lot of other countries, true... but we're not free. "Freedom has a price." This always seemed like a contradiction in terms to me. To me, it's similar to saying "Same Difference." It's that little phrase used to justify one's position without the repercussions of rebuttal.

Ridiculous.

Freedom does NOT have a price. Security has a price. Those who say that freedom has a price might as well be saying that if we don't pay the price, we get slavery. Oddly enough tho, the rising costs of "freedom" has made us slaves to money and unfulfilling careers and jobs. So, slavery wasn't really abolished... we just leveled the playing field a little more.

Examples: We do not have the freedom to get high responsibly. We do not have the freedom to die by our own free will. We do not have the freedom to "opt-out" of government rule. We do not have the freedom to barter using sexual favors.

If I were truly free... I could sleep where I want, with whoever I want, whenever I want, hunt and gather from anywhere I choose, etc. etc. Actually... I could do this now it just would not be sanctioned by the government ... and, in fact, it would probably piss them off to the point that they would send their hit men after me. Yes... the government is really nothing more than a VERY large , well funded criminal organization like the mob.

I hear the people of this land cry out about the injustices being carried out by this mob and yet no-one really does anything about it on a continental scale. There are too many people trying to work within the system to fix it... like a virus or something. Maybe if we infiltrate the enemy and learn it's ways we can change it!

The problem is that the government's immune system is impeccable. When something attacks it, it can create the anti-bodies needed by just writing legislation against it. Voila!

No... I won't be celebrating independence since I don't have it yet. Some day. Some day.

Peace,
Jenna

Caesar Salads

It's interesting (and irritating) how things rarely work out as planned. However, the results of such events often result in something that will entertain, at the very least.

Take, for example, the fact that I was supposed to go home for lunch... however my ride chose to go to Publix instead. This change of plans only occurred after I got in the car and we were on the way.

At any rate (with that off my chest) I decided a salad would be good food for my mood. After we got back to the office with our food... I thought about this salad. A Caesar Salad. WTF is it anyway?

It's as almost as if someone went...

"Uhm... I'm hungry. What do we have to eat?"
"Uh... let's see... got some of those little anchovies left that Derek brought over... a little lettuce from our sandwich making stuff... some bread... oh but it's stale... some mayo ..... uhm..... ..... spices..... "

*blank stare*

"Are you kidding me?! That's it?!"

Well, when you really think about it anyway. It's pretty disgusting. And we pay pretty well for these salads... and it's basically "Dumpster Diver's Salad."

Okay, okay... here's the ACTUAL recipe as re-posted from Wikipedia:

A typical Caesar salad comprises romaine lettuce and croutons dressed with Parmesan cheese, lemon juice, olive oil, egg, Worcestershire sauce, and black pepper originally prepared tableside. Caesar Cardini (Italian-born Mexican) is credited with creating the salad.

To me... this just proves the point... that if you polish that turd hard enough, long enough and shiny enough... you can get anyone to buy it. I've heard that nothing good is ever easy... but if it's that hard to get that turd to be "worth" something... and at it's heart... it's still just a turd... I prefer to let it be as it is.

Everyone and everything has a purpose on this planet. Manipulating it doesn't do a damn bit of good for any of us in the long run... we are all food for worms eventually, after all. So I guess it doesn't hurt none either.

And now, I'm going to get back to my Polish Turd Salad.

Peace

Song of the Day

Here's my song for the day. It's stuck in my head... and for once, I know why.

Confused
by Jack Johnson

Well he's not necessarily trying to say that he minds it
But someone plays evil tricks on that kid
Well he's not necessarily trying to say god can't be trusted
But someone plays evil tricks on that kid
And certain situations scream for deviations
But somehow he always gets stuck in the middle
Of this and that and man he should try less
Because every time he's rejected man he loses affection

But don't we all, don't we just got to give a little time
Maybe give a friend a call instead of making him confused
What a terrible thing for you to do
What an awful thing for you to say
What a terrible thing for you to relay

Well i know some people's they got a little less than nothing
But still find some to spare
And other people got more than they could use
But they don't share
And some people got problems man
They got awful complications
Other people got perfect situations
With no provocation

But don't we all, don't we just got to give a little time
Maybe give a friend a call instead of making him confused
What a terrible thing for you to do
What an awful thing for you to say
What a terrible thing for you
Confused
What a terrible thing for you to do
What an awful thing for you to say
What a terrible thing for you to relay

A new bed

Yay!

Travis showed up last week and moved in with us. W00t! He brought with him his first month's rent which made it possible for me to finally buy a bed! Yay! Went to craigslist and found a king-size bed with solid wood headboard and footboard, and a firm pillow-top simmons' mattress for $200 total.

It was humorous loading all of it on top of Jose's car... and I totally forgot to take a picture of it. Damn! Oh well, imagine a Ford Focus wagon with a king size bed taken apart and strapped down, piece-on-top-of-piece, to the top of it.

Went to the beach the evening Travis arrived. It was alright but I wasn't in a very good mood. I guess I'm still flushing my soul of some of the negativity it absorbed in the past. Gettin' a little better about it tho. Workin' on it!

Let's see... bought some groceries... played a little "Neverwinter Nights Gold" (since I never finished it before), watched some movies, played on the internet, spent Sunday pretty much in another plane of existence, and just generally relaxed for once. It was much needed after all the shit with the airline.

Wall-E is out now. Hoping to go see that soon. Tomorrow is pay-day. Life is decent.

Well, back to work.

Peace

Screw Air Travel

More than likely, anyone who's done a fair bit of air travel has one of these stories. Well, here's another.

I redeemed Delta SkyMiles for a reward ticket to fly from Fort Lauderdale, FL to Chicago, IL. The ticket was round trip from 6/26 to 6/29. The reservation was made on 6/24 ... so the airline chose to levy a $75.00 convenience fee and $7.50 for some other tax or fee or some shit. I wasn't happy about it.. but there wasn't much else I could do given the situation. I didn't pay for the fees... a friend did.

Now, I originally wanted to fly from 6/27 to 6/29. However, I couldn't find the right airport/date/time combination to get me there for the miles I had. I found this other option would get me there a day earlier, but still get me there within my award miles.

I had been trying to find a solution for this air travel for three days before I stumbled on to this flight. So I was pretty stoked. But in the confusion of flexible schedules, etc. I forgot I had set the ticket for departure a day early.

I show up at the airport and obviously can't get on the plane. When the mistake is revealed, I feel like an idiot and worked with the ticket counter associate to try to find another way to get there. It was either another awards ticket on Monday (whoops... missed my weekend window so that's no good) or almost $1000 for a ticket. Needless to say, didn't go to Chicago.

While still in Ft. Laud, (I live in Port St. Lucie), I spoke with the agent again about a refund. He said all I had to do was call and they would return the miles to my balance and refund the money.

I got back to PSL and called. The lady at Delta not only told me that I wouldn't be getting my $75.00 redemption fee back... but that it would cost an additional $100 to return the miles to my skymiles account!!

This is what I call predatory business practices in a distressed economy. Here people are already strapped as it is... leisure travel is something of a luxury compared to a few years ago... and they are actually planning to CHARGE me.. TWICE... for a FREE trip I didn't even get to take?!

Well, not this girl. As a result, I am boycotting air travel from now throughout the natural end of my days unless it is an ABSOLUTE emergency. I'll drive, take a train, a bus or a ship before I will put myself in a flying tin can again.

Now, I'm repaying my friend for the money... losing my miles... and still not going anywhere. Was it my mistake? Absolutely! I don't blame them for me mis-reading the date of departure. But to look at a long-time air customer and make those requirements... is just insane.

UPDATE: I got the miles back... but I didn't get the money back. Bastards.

Starting Over

I should probably be alarmed that I'm blogging again.

Those who have nothing to say typically are pretty wise and happy people (or so I've been told). Based on my own life experiences, I'd have to agree with that particular saying.

An old friend of mine told me once she only wrote in her journal when she had something to say and it usually wasn't very fun stuff to write about.

I've decided to challenge that particular notion. I'm choosing to write about my life and it's various twists and turns, not for pity or self-aggrandizement... but to just record my life... as it is... no frills, no philosophy... just stuff that happens, why it happens and how I feel about it.

I have won some, I have lost some. I have won BIG ... and I have lost big. I've learned to discern truth from fiction, sincerity from falsehoods and right from wrong as it applies to my life.

Here, I'll detail them.

These are all new stories from here on out. No past stories, old journal entries about the way life used to be and yadda yadda, blah. No point in digging up the past and pointing out how ugly it is... we already know how things rot in the ground. But at least they can provide good nutrients for future things. :)

So, if it interests you to read these things... great, I hope you get your internet dollar's worth. If not, please consider finding me and pulling me away from the keyboard and buying me a drink. I'll pay you back... I'm good for it.

Peace.