Interesting Idea... Still Full of Crap

My mother is one of my readers here. I'm not sure how many others are reading (I know there's a couple of you out there though) but this is an interesting letter she forwarded to me. It's a story that claims to prove the existence of God even with so much pain and suffering in the world. It goes like this:

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists..'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer.

'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain! I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber 'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'

'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside!'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

Here's what I wrote back:

Cute, mom. Although the logic suffers. It's similar to what's called casual correlation. In Latin the phrase is "Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc" which translates as "after this, therefore because of this."

It's the belief that since Event B occurred after Event A occurred, Event B must have happened BECAUSE of Event A. The man's long hair and beard doesn't mean he didn't go to a barber. It means his hair grew naturally without interference from outside influences. It is conceivable that he went to a barber and was refused treatment. Perhaps he didn't smell right, look right, didn't have enough money, whatever. There are plenty of possibilities.

This is where words and logic fail to describe concepts like God and Love.

It's a beautiful notion that all one has to do is go to a Barber and ask for a haircut... and that just by asking they will receive one. But realistically, that doesn't work. Of course, the barber's original statement about God not existing was fallacious too. His concept of God did not fit into the reality he lives in and therefore "disproved" the existence of God. The only thing he disproved, however, was his idea of God. Proving or disproving a metaphysical concept based on physical results is something only we humans do. But it helps us sleep at night. :)

Regardless... *I* Love you and always will. :)

And I do love you, Mom. Proud to say it to the world, too. :)

Reason, Season, Lifetime, Bullshit

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

That is ALL CRAP by the way. Complete and utter bullshit. It's poetry. It was someone's way of categorizing people and putting them in little boxes. It's VERY VERY self-centered. And it cuts like a knife when someone uses it against you in a "positive life-affirming way.

This isn't the first time I've been given this lecture either. I'm getting kinda tired of this easy-out shit, personally. Especially from people who promise to be there with me for the long haul. It's no wonder I've never taken vows. I've yet to find anyone who can seriously agree to stick with me through good times and bad, through rich or poor, in sickness and health, til death do we part. Mind you, this is just as much crap as the other. More words used to define shit and make up something to believe in. It's not real, at least not for me. It's not happened yet and it's pissing me off. Can you tell?

Again, it seems that once we identify something, it stops being what we identified it to be and chooses to be something else. Why can't I find someone where it's just natural. Where there's no need to define it, describe it, identify it, label it, record it, pigeon-hole it, whatever to it? I'm over it! If you're trying to figure out life, you're working too hard and wasting precious time!

With that said, I'm going to get some work done.

The Nature of Hell

A long time ago (not in a galaxy far, far away, though), I came up with my defintion of Hell. Some people take literal meanings from the Bible and other sources, etc. For me, I found myself thinking logically (as I tend to do... ones and zeros and all that), and I came up with the following concept:

Hell indicates the lack of God's presence. However, someone who never knew God in the first place, would never be able to distinguish Hell from anything else since they would have no basis for comparison. Therefore Hell would have no meaning to them. Unlike physical things, conceptual ideas like hell are representative and therefore must have a meaning to exist. Without meaning, they can not exist. Physical things can exist without meaning, Metaphysical things can not. Therefore, in order for Hell to exist, there must be the absence of God ... with the knowledge of God.

When I posited that last sentence in my brain, all those years ago, I felt a chill. It's basically the concept of loss at the grandest scale possible. People become very irritated, angry or depressed when they lose something. The comedian Louis CK had a bit on that:

"I was on an airplane and there was internet, there was high-speed internet on the airplane. That's the newest thing that I know exists. And I'm sitting on the plane and they say, 'Open up your laptops, you can go on the internet' and it's fast, I'm watching YouTube clips, it's ama-I'm on an airplane. And then it breaks down and they apologize, 'The internet's not working.' The guy next to me goes 'Pshhht. This is bullshit.' Like how quickly the world owes him something ... he knew existed only 10 seconds ago."

Louis's comments are obviously meant to make light of this phenomena, but it's true and the phenomena is in full force today... and it affects us all... not one of us is immune... and you know it.

Now, if we take my original description above and add to it the given "God is Love," it suddenly becomes much more poignant an relevant. Hell is the absence of Love, with the knowledge of Love. Suddenly it's more accessible to people. Suddenly we can see the self-made hell's we put ourselves through EVERY DAY without knowing it. Little things like, "My computer stopped working" to bigger things like "My car stopped working" to bigger things like "My kid won't listen" to bigger things like "My best friend did something I don't like" to bigger things and bigger things and bigger things until we have created hell for ourselves here on Earth rather than stay present in the Love that exists in Time and Eternity.

I am not a doctor. I can't tell you what's going on in my body right now, if something is going to stop suddenly, or if I'm going to live to be 100. I'm not a mechanic. I can't tell you if my car will start when I want to leave work or if it will run without incident for 10 more years. I'm not a mind-reader. I can't tell if you're ready to walk out the door and never look back, or stay with me until I draw my last breath. I'm a software developer, and I still can't even tell you whether the code I write today will conflict with something else on your system or if it will run through time immortal.

So what do I know? I know the difference between Love and the absence of Love. I understand the nature of hell very well, having put myself there many times. I choose to live my life in Love, with Love and for Love. I ask that you join me in that... but I will not force you.

Peace,
Jenna

Exhausted

I'm mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained today.

God save me (and others) from myself today because right now, I don't give a damn.

Go Pomo!

I've looked into this before and it intrigued me... but for the sake of what I thought was true love, I strayed. Now I understand why I thought as I did and that it was true, at least for me... but without reciprocated activity, felt it was not. Lost yet? Yeah, I'm good at that.

Okay. So there's all these labels out there for race, age, sexuality, gender, religion, faith, education, relationship status, etc. etc. etc. They are all used to describe and qualify us so we actually have some way to communicate with each other via these senses of ours.

Yet society manages, unerringly mind you, to take these nouns, these labels, and create complete sub-cultures based on them. This creates divisions among us and sometimes causes hurt feelings, breakups, fights and even full-scale wars. In my opinion, this is a less than desirable outcome of social interaction. But what's the primary thing? What's the root? Where does it stem from? Well, I may be incorrect, uneducated or mis-informed here... but I think it's gender. It would seem to be the very first system of classification and division (aside, perhaps, from family, phylum and class divisions... I'm mainly examining human interaction at this time).

From gender, I believe all other things sprang. It's evident within every historical account, myth and legend that currently exists in our cultures today. Binary. 1s and 0s. Ons and Offs. Darks and Lights. Positives and Negatives. Females and Males. Goods and Evils. TWO! Two is the root of it all. Yet we strive, each in our own way, to achieve oneness. It's this crazy struggle that we keep coming close to and even achieve for brief moments (in our own perception) only to return to the struggle.

From Two came Four, Eight, Sixteen, etc. We have more combinations of labels for people now than ever before and we couldn't be happier/sadder about it. So what, you ask? Well, here's what.

What if we threw all that away? Well, not completely. There are certain aspects of life that can't be denied. Genital configuration. Pigmentation tone. Sexual attraction. Etc. These things (among others) just exist without our knowledge of why... and we accept them for what they are ... descriptive nouns. BUT THAT SHOULD BE ALL WE ACCEPT THEM FOR!

Enter the idea of Post Modern Sexuality or POMO! Yes, I believe in this stuff WHOLE-HEARTEDLY. So far, it's the only thing that makes sense. It says, "Fine, label me. But don't put me in a camp for all those labeled that way... I'd like to play too, dammit." Let me show you some videos that might help:

Does that help? See, nothing matters at the end anyway... at least none of this stuff that we choose to fight about. So why fight at all? Love is Love. Let it be in your life... and stop the hate if you can. Then maybe we can finally get out of this world of TWO once and for all!

Peace,
Jenna

Confusion is Nothing New

It's part of a line from Cyndi Lauper's song "Time After Time." The full line is "Caught up in Circles, Confusion is Nothing New." Those words ring so true in my heart right now.

I left Eric's house about an hour ago. Came back to Mom's and checked e-mail and facebook and such. But since I left, the thoughts running through my head have been simply crazy and confusing. This week has been good, but also bittersweet. I have had a wonderful vacation but I can feel the turmoil starting to creep back in as I think about returning to Florida.

I would love nothing more than to throw caution to the wind, sell all my worldly possessions (or at least most of them) and return home. But there are some things I just can't quite get to coalesce in my mind just yet.

My love for those in Florida (one in particular) tethers me there, somewhat. However, that tether is frayed and could snap at any moment. My love for my friends and family in Indiana is strong, however it is also a frail bond thanks to almost 18 years of absence. Things simply aren't the same and I can't expect them to be... nor would I really want them to be, at least, not exactly.

I know how I'd like things to work, however that dream is far from being reality any time soon. If I were able to transplant one part of my life to another part of my life, things might work... but I might as well ask for a free trip to the Sea of Tranquility as well. It's not bloody likely.

I'm good, real good, at making things sound easy. I'm sometimes even good at making them that easy ... or at least making them look that way. But in truth, it never is as easy as I make it out to be. It's one of those times where I can't pick the lesser of two evils or the greater of two goods... it's one of those "choose" moments... not decision moments.

I must make this choice within 48 hours, too, and then stay focused on that choice. It's good, in a way... it gives me something I've been lacking in my life for a long time now... a goal. I'm almost ready to face that choice. A good night's sleep should help.

I pray that the Spirit descends upon me in my sleep, clears the confusion and lights a path I can follow.

Peace,
Jenna

So... Why?

As near as I can figure at this point... the reason is "because life is pretty long for most people."

Ahh... but what was the question? You can pretty much put any 'why' question in front of that. Why should I go to work? Why should I get married? Why should I have kids? Why should I believe in God? Why should I go to the movies? Why should I ask that cute boy/girl to dance?

Look: Our minds play tricks on us all the time. To quote George Carlin, "Ever stand back far enough away from a chain length fence that when you stare at it, all of a sudden it looks like it's right in front of you?" In my own personal experience, have you ever sat at a railroad crossing, watching a train go by, and suddenly think the train is standing still and the world is moving instead?

So there are questions we have. When I tell people about my past, I hear "why" a lot. I have no friggin' idear, honestly. It made sense at the time... now maybe not so much. Then again, maybe it does... it still helps pass the time!

What we're REALLY looking for is that perpetual high. Don't deny it. Whether or not you've used drugs is immaterial here. It's the high of living. That feeling of accomplishment, success, forward progress, momentum, dreams and goals realized and all that comes with them. That shit is ADDICTIVE!

Who WOULDN'T want that?! So why do so many people deny it from themselves? Opportunities become challenges or requirements instead of the other way around. That's insane! It's staring at the half-empty glass of cold beer and letting it get warm because it's only half.

Mid-Life Crisis? Yeah, I think so. In this case, instead of full or empty... it's "only" or "already." Only Half-Lived... or Already Half-Lived. "My life is only half-over... I've still got a LOT to do!" or "My life is already half-over and where has it gotten me, really?"

Actually, strike that... it's not only a mid-life crisis... it's a complete life crisis.

Some people are downers ... while others are uppers. I'm usually an upper but I've had my moments of being a downer. I know exactly when and why these moments have occurred. Fortunately, knowing that, I can take steps to reduce their frequency (and that statement alone firmly places me in the upper category).

Pehaps this sounds like me tooting my own horn... and if you're thinking that.... you're right and I can't change your mind... nor will I try. For that's one of the things that can cause one of those aforementioned "moment" to occur.

So... enjoy your life... or hate it. It's your choice. I've made mine. Why? Because it's a long damned time. :)

Peace,
Jenna