2nd Day In Hell, Craziness At Home and Teaching Parents about Technology

It's been a busy day. I was supposed to meet my new employer for breakfast this morning but that didn't take shape. It's okay though because we eventually caught up with each other later and had lunch. So far, I like them. I'm planning to go see them at their offices tomorrow. I had two meetings today to try and help FHMS set up what they want to accomplish. It was amazing how little things have changed... but being in the position I am now in... I can better dictate how things should go. This is a good thing. This means, I might be able to actually get some work done now. When I saw how it was starting to go, I just ... took over the meeting, basically, and told them how we were going to do it. I was surprised at the response... it was pretty much welcomed. They seriously needed direction. They're scared about the migration because they don't know who will support it. But as long as I'm around (and they pay me for my time), I'll help support it.

The other nice thing here is that if I ever get tired of working with them, Unison can move me to another client. Yay! If I don't want to work, I don't... I don't get paid for it... but that makes sense. Anyway... I already said that before.

Earlier today I found out that one of my roommates who had been jobless for a while, finally got a job but within the same hour totaled his car. I felt so bad for him. Especially since the job is all the way on the other side of town. My quandary here (as it often is) is knowing where to draw the line between showing compassion for someone vs. enabling them. He still needs to have a job. It sucks that this happened... but he still needs to help me out if he's going to stay there. I just hope he does the right thing. I love him to death and just want to see him succeed.

Back at work... they want to fingerprint me again. Whee. It sucks but I guess I have to do it this time. I'm not doing it until after I hand over my paperwork to Unison tho. I want to be hired somewhere before they do a background check, find that I had a bad credit rating 4 years ago and decide I'm not bondable or something stupid like that. It's BS. Total BS.

There's other BS going on too in other friends' lives and it pisses me off to see it. Not that I'm a saint, by any means. I have my grand moments of stupidity. We can often see the speck in other peoples' eyes and overlook the log in our own. That's part of humanity, I guess. I try to be humble about it ... but sometimes I'm an ass. But I have good, caring friends that smack me when I need to be smacked and lift me up when I do something right... just as I do for them. Sometimes I get smacked more than I get lifted up... but that's when I'm being stubborn, usually. That's a very Ramsey trait, by the way.

Anyway... I also decided to help my parents install Yahoo Messenger tonite. Since I have the webcam with me and we've talked about it for... oh... forever... I figured now's a good time. *smirk* So... probably about 120 of my minutes for this month are gone now for that. Yay. Oh well. Life goes on. I'll deal with it. Anyway, we got it so they could see my cam and now my dad's motivated to get his working. He thinks it's pretty cool... which of course... it is. *grin*

Anyway, that's about all for now. I'm going to watch a movie or something and relax a bit. More Later.

Back In Denver

Well, today was my first day back at FHMS. I haven't even met my new employer, Unison Systems, yet. All I know is they misspelled my name on most of the forms. I wonder if I should leave it that way and then deny everything later. Hmmm. Anyway... Showed up today and they had a desk with no chair, no phone, no way to log in, no e-mail access, no RDP access, no tools to use (like Aqua Data Studio or VB or anything)... no access to sharepoint. Yeah... that's a lot of no's. Think they were prepared? Heh, whatever. I know what they want. They don't want my abilities, they want my knowledge and then it's adios muchachos. That's okay. $40/hour for every hour worked plus expenses and travel time paid too... why not?

Besides, my employer is Unison and hopefully I can impress them enough to get me something going in Orlando. That would be the bomb-diggity. I'm going to have a long heart-felt talk with my recruiter tomorrow and see where she stands... then we'll see. There were definitely some things I did not understand in the offer letter... stuff like no vacation days... no sick days... gotta find out what that means exactly. That may mean that I can take time off but I just don't get paid. That suits me fine, actually. It seems more equitable to be paid for work that is done... not for me to sit around and do nothing. But then, I have a weird way of looking at things I'm told.

Anyway... they tried to get me everything I needed... but apparently I don't get e-mail. That made me giggle. I figure it's because how direct and to-the-point my last e-mail to FHMS users was. I guess the truth hurt a little. Well, that's too bad. I won't live a life that has falseness to it anymore. I've conformed and I've looked the other way too many times. Done with that. They can just learn to deal with me or not.

Gonna try to get to the Snake Pit at least once or twice while I'm here. Hell, when I return I'm gonna be here for like... 3 weeks. I might be able to spin there if I ask nicely enough. Of course, that means bringing records next time... that could be interesting. Heh. We'll see. I miss my peeps already, though. I miss Twink and Josh, Steven, Kowboi and yes, you too Rob. I miss the cats. I feel isolated out here and I know the next trip is going to be even worse. When I prepare for that one, I'll have to make sure I bring everything I need for an extended stay.

I hope the boys take care of the house. I hope they also do what they said they were going to do. It's hard being away from home like this. I'm not so worried about this trip as I am the next one. That will be a rough one. At least I'll get a reprieve the weekend of June 16th. Not sure how I'm going to work that yet but I'll figure it out. It'd be nice to bring some people up here with me next time even for a short visit. That would be pretty cool. I don't know how I'll afford the car for the next trip, though. Gawd. What did I get myself into?

Blah.. enough of that. The one thing I do know is that this will hopefully enable me to continue to work as needed to get money in the door and pay the bills so that my coffers, the money I've saved, need not be used for that and can be used for the business. That's the plan anyway. Wish me luck. Well, I'm tired and going to bed. More later.

Saturday

So the weekend is here. Whoop! Placed another order from DBI last two nights ago and I'm working on a new order from Watts today. We're also getting some Kaleidescope records in too from another source. Life is good. The adwords account is done, all the promotional stuff for orbital grooves has been sent off, the contract is done to send to Yellow Brick Management, made a few more contacts... the groove pool is gettin' bigger. :) Life is pretty alright.

Last night I spent the night with Kowboi diggin' into old music we listened to growing up. It was fun to share that with him as his musical tastes are as wide and varied as mine. It reminded me of several nights doing the same thing with Twink. I miss just hangin' out with her, listening to music and shooting the shit. These days it seems like there's always some plan or agenda we're dealin' with. Business stuff, usually. We all need a party to go to ... or we need to go out to the beach and just chill. Somethin!

I've figured out more about this keyboard. I had to get a new sustain pedal for it since the one I had didn't work with it. Hopin' to get back to writing music again soon, too. But with work in Denver coming up and stealing an entire month from me... it's gonna be difficult.

Today, my plan is to get the Watts order completed, work on some tracks and then tonight I'm going to see Scooby and KK. I miss them too. Haven't seen them in a hot minute and I'm looking forward to it. It will be good to see Logan too... I imagine he's quite the character now at 9 months.

Well, that's all for now. More later.

Monthly Update ...

Blah,

I keep forgetting about this place. I'd like to keep this place updated more often but I let my life keep me pretty busy, as usual. So, what's happened in the last month... a lot actually. But a lot can happen in that amount of time, now can't it? Let's see, the last time I wrote in here was April 11th. Okay, here goes.

Okay, since the breakup with Paul, I've pretty much said "screw it" to relationships. Most of the fuckers that come after my ass are interested in just that.. my ass... and nothing else. So whatever. That's not a relationship. That's just sex. Not that I have anything against sex... but at my age and with my experience... what's the point of doing that with someone I don't care about and who doesn't care about me? Doesn't mean I don't get lonely or horny.. shit... I'm still human... but I can deal with those feelings without going crazy.

I have two additional roommates now. Kowboi and Steven. They are good guys, young, unexperienced (even though they think they know it all), but good guys none-the-less. I've had the chance to really get to know them both and it's probably been the best experience in roommates ever, so far. They're helpful, thoughtful, respectful... it's a good thing.

We got the e-commerce engine going on the website for plurrecords. We've gotten shipments of records, mailers, stickers... getting ourselves all set up. No business yet, but that just takes time, patience and promoting ourselves... letting the world know we're here and able to serve them. That's my next project: establishing relationships with people that can help us get our name out there while we help them in some way. We're also planning a big promotional event too, too get pepole to realize that we're here. So... as you can imagine, life has been pretty busy.

I threw a party for Heather and Laura's birthday. That was fun. It was nothing huge... they aren't very big these days, but that's not what's important. The big party is coming up... that's at a venue that can handle it. It will take some major work to pull it off, but it can be done and I think I have the right people around me to help me make it happen.

My life is starting to make sense to me again. This is a very good thing. I've been very confused about myself and my life for a long time and that confusion is finally clearing up. I've been looking for my motivation, my raison d'etre and I believe I finally found it in plurrecords. I've not been this focused, this determined, this clear-headed in a long time. I could sit here and wish I had done this a long time ago... but that's pointless and wastes precious time. So, why bother?

I left GCS. I left them with a nice little letter too that described exactly how I felt about their practices. Since then I've been going full-force on plurrecords (as well as finally taking some time for myself). It's been a good thing. Not accepting any bullshit anymore and making sure that people live up to my expectations or they don't need to be in my life. Not trying to be mean there... just being honest with myself and what makes me happy.

Went to Hell City, a tattoo festival in Ohio, with Josh and Liz. That was great. I got to meet the guy who did Josh's horns and found out he also does elf ears. That's something I plan on doing when I get the opportunity, you can count on that. I think they look cool and I can hide them when I want or show them off and adorn them when I want. Also got a tattoo of the company logo on my shoulder... Liz did too. She's just as committed to this as I am, even with all her other committments to her family. I am very thankful and grateful for having such good friends in my life. They've been very patient and understanding and I can't thank them enough for it. My thanks to them will come soon, though... and it will be big... that I promise.

Rob and I are starting to get better, I think. When we don't try to dissect "what went wrong" and simply move forward with our lives, we get along better. This is a good thing. I hope this trend continues because the stress isn't good for anyone, that's for sure. It drives people away, in fact.

Well, there's more to talk about, but a lot of it has already been said or doesn't need to be said here. I'm gonna try (ha!) to keep this more updated. We'll see, right?

Peace,
Jenna

Just Say How You Feel, Please?

So... the dude broke up with me tonite. The interesting thing about this is that I was about to do the same thing but he beat me to it. I just wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling the need, the desire to really REALLY get to know him like that. I just.... didn't feel it between us. I was all prepared to tell him this. But he beat me to it. So... no big deal, right? Well, no... not quite.

I told him last Wednesday about my being post-op TS. He didn't balk at all, or so it seemed... actually, now that I think about it... I did see a fluctuation there but I dismissed it when it truly seemed like it didn't matter to him. He also had something to tell me which was pretty big and something I'd never before had to consider or deal with. It bothered me... but then... I began to think... well, if I really, truly cared for someone... it wouldn't matter at all what was "wrong" with them. I'd share their burdens as they share mine.

So, what happened that has me so irritated? The way he went about it. He didn't say to me, "Ya know, I just don't feel the connection there." No. He told me about his past, how he used to date men and women both, people he genuinely care for, etc... but that he stopped dating men because there was never any passion there. He then continued by saying that he knows that's the way it would always be between us because he would always see me that way. And due to this he could never be faithful, etc.

As Penn & Teller would say... "BULLSHIT!" I have seen, in my travels and my time on this earth, people be able to overcome incredible obstacles because they truly cared for each other. I have seen people deal with some majorly hefty issues because their love for each other was stronger than the obstacles before them. For him to judge how our relationship would be based on what he's experienced in the past is utter and complete hogwash. He can't know what it would be like because he won't try it. Maybe he's afraid. Maybe there's something else behind it... who the fuck knows... I sure as fuck don't care right now. A long time ago, this would bother me. It would make me feel like there was something wrong with me. Fuck that. All I want to know from someone is "how do you feel?" Do you feel happy? Sad? Angry? Awkward? Out of Place? Uncertain? Giddy? Adventurous? Elated? Miserable? Fuck the reasons. The reasons make us think about how to fix them and get us all twisted around and blah blah blah... fuck it. Just tell me how you feel... more than likely I feel the same way. We can figure out what they mean later.

GRRR! I'm not letting it upset me in the sense that I feel broken. I'm upset because he fabricated a reason (whether it was based on fact or not, I don't care) about OUR relationship based on things that had nothing to do with us. So fuck that. I've got bigger fish to fry right now anyway. I hope he finds someone out there that provides him with the intensity he's looking for. But as long as he thinks that people sharing the same physical traits as another will react and act the same as others from his past, he'll never be able to trust. And I've already had my fill of "no trust" in a relationship.

I'm gonna go ass out now.

Happy Days Are Here Again

Wow... I'm not sure how I'll make it through today without collapsing... but I'm gonna try. Waking up with BooKoo... let's put it that way. :) So MUCH has happened!! Why haven't I posted about it? Uhm... Because so MUCH has happened I haven't even had the chance to sit down and write about it! Been too busy experiencing it!

I think the last I left off I was getting ready for WMC. So, let's start there. Be prepared for a lengthy post here, folks.

So Twink and I went to the WMC and had a blast. Far too many parties and yet not enough. :) But it was a blast for more than just that. Hanging out with good friends, listening to good music... was just the beginning. I also got my demo listened to at a demo listening workshop and made several good contacts... one of which called me last Saturday! Might be making music with a management company soon! I also got a great gift from Twink that weekend. It was one of those sacrifices... something that hurt her to give and yet something I needed very badly. It shook me up and got me to where I needed to be. But probably best of all... I met someone new.

Rob and I have been emotionally separated now for some time. We've been having issues with figuring out how to separate the house but I think he's finally come to terms with me on that. I hope. I don't need more crap from him about that. I was beginning to feel like the drama would never end. I was also of the mindset that I wouldn't meet anyone new... that my life would be loveless in "that" respect. Well, I was wrong. :)

I'm not saying this guy's the one. I'm not saying it'll all be wine and roses. But so far... so good. Last night we talked about something in my life that's very difficult for most guys to deal with. Something I have to deal with every day which is not a normal thing for people to deal with. I was surprised that he had something big to tell me too. I was nervous to talk to him about it but I knew that since we were getting so close to each other... it was necessary to talk about. And all I can say is that the night went beautifully! Haven't been this happy in a VERY long time!

I'll probably write more about these things as time goes on. Right now I'm dealing with sleep deprivation... so this entry will be rather disjointed... heh. I also, inexplicably, got a raise at work, I'm getting $2600 back in tax refunds, I bought a new MIDI Controller keyboard last night (which should be here in 10 to 14 days) and well hell... how much more can I take right now? I dunno but let the good times roll, biotch!

Alright... anyway... I'm off to get ready for the doctor and work. I have a slight bronchial infection and need to see the doc about it today. More about all this stuff later as time goes on... I'll back fill with story information as things come up.

Luck of the Irish Ran Out

Twink says I'm lucky. That I'm just a very lucky individual. Truth is, I got just as many problems just on another scale. Was at Dorrmat's house tonite just chillin' and hangin' out. I got tired and decided to come home. That's when I noticed that my driver's side door had been smashed in. I asked the various folks gathered there for a night of mirth and merriment if any of them heard anything, saw anything, etc. It was a pretty good whack... I would have thought we would have heard something. But I guess not.

Problem is... I didn't want to bring the police into it... which of course Rob thinks is crazy and he's right... it is crazy. But I didn't think the folks in the house would appreciate having cops wandering around the property. So, I've driven the car home and now I'm just going to bed.

This... the weekend before Ultra... a mere 4 days before I'm supposed to drive down to Miami. Of course, since there's no police report... there can be no insurance claim. I priced door assemblies on Ebay. The only ones available were in Buffalo, NY... Pickup Only... for about $150. Which is not a bad price... but I can't very well get to Buffalo, NY to get my car repaired, can I?

Anyway... I'm going to bed. I'll deal with this later. I'm beginning to dread next weekend now, actually. Not in the best of moods right now.