Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Nature of Hell

A long time ago (not in a galaxy far, far away, though), I came up with my defintion of Hell. Some people take literal meanings from the Bible and other sources, etc. For me, I found myself thinking logically (as I tend to do... ones and zeros and all that), and I came up with the following concept:

Hell indicates the lack of God's presence. However, someone who never knew God in the first place, would never be able to distinguish Hell from anything else since they would have no basis for comparison. Therefore Hell would have no meaning to them. Unlike physical things, conceptual ideas like hell are representative and therefore must have a meaning to exist. Without meaning, they can not exist. Physical things can exist without meaning, Metaphysical things can not. Therefore, in order for Hell to exist, there must be the absence of God ... with the knowledge of God.

When I posited that last sentence in my brain, all those years ago, I felt a chill. It's basically the concept of loss at the grandest scale possible. People become very irritated, angry or depressed when they lose something. The comedian Louis CK had a bit on that:

"I was on an airplane and there was internet, there was high-speed internet on the airplane. That's the newest thing that I know exists. And I'm sitting on the plane and they say, 'Open up your laptops, you can go on the internet' and it's fast, I'm watching YouTube clips, it's ama-I'm on an airplane. And then it breaks down and they apologize, 'The internet's not working.' The guy next to me goes 'Pshhht. This is bullshit.' Like how quickly the world owes him something ... he knew existed only 10 seconds ago."

Louis's comments are obviously meant to make light of this phenomena, but it's true and the phenomena is in full force today... and it affects us all... not one of us is immune... and you know it.

Now, if we take my original description above and add to it the given "God is Love," it suddenly becomes much more poignant an relevant. Hell is the absence of Love, with the knowledge of Love. Suddenly it's more accessible to people. Suddenly we can see the self-made hell's we put ourselves through EVERY DAY without knowing it. Little things like, "My computer stopped working" to bigger things like "My car stopped working" to bigger things like "My kid won't listen" to bigger things like "My best friend did something I don't like" to bigger things and bigger things and bigger things until we have created hell for ourselves here on Earth rather than stay present in the Love that exists in Time and Eternity.

I am not a doctor. I can't tell you what's going on in my body right now, if something is going to stop suddenly, or if I'm going to live to be 100. I'm not a mechanic. I can't tell you if my car will start when I want to leave work or if it will run without incident for 10 more years. I'm not a mind-reader. I can't tell if you're ready to walk out the door and never look back, or stay with me until I draw my last breath. I'm a software developer, and I still can't even tell you whether the code I write today will conflict with something else on your system or if it will run through time immortal.

So what do I know? I know the difference between Love and the absence of Love. I understand the nature of hell very well, having put myself there many times. I choose to live my life in Love, with Love and for Love. I ask that you join me in that... but I will not force you.


Monday, September 21, 2009


I'm mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained today.

God save me (and others) from myself today because right now, I don't give a damn.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Go Pomo!

I've looked into this before and it intrigued me... but for the sake of what I thought was true love, I strayed. Now I understand why I thought as I did and that it was true, at least for me... but without reciprocated activity, felt it was not. Lost yet? Yeah, I'm good at that.

Okay. So there's all these labels out there for race, age, sexuality, gender, religion, faith, education, relationship status, etc. etc. etc. They are all used to describe and qualify us so we actually have some way to communicate with each other via these senses of ours.

Yet society manages, unerringly mind you, to take these nouns, these labels, and create complete sub-cultures based on them. This creates divisions among us and sometimes causes hurt feelings, breakups, fights and even full-scale wars. In my opinion, this is a less than desirable outcome of social interaction. But what's the primary thing? What's the root? Where does it stem from? Well, I may be incorrect, uneducated or mis-informed here... but I think it's gender. It would seem to be the very first system of classification and division (aside, perhaps, from family, phylum and class divisions... I'm mainly examining human interaction at this time).

From gender, I believe all other things sprang. It's evident within every historical account, myth and legend that currently exists in our cultures today. Binary. 1s and 0s. Ons and Offs. Darks and Lights. Positives and Negatives. Females and Males. Goods and Evils. TWO! Two is the root of it all. Yet we strive, each in our own way, to achieve oneness. It's this crazy struggle that we keep coming close to and even achieve for brief moments (in our own perception) only to return to the struggle.

From Two came Four, Eight, Sixteen, etc. We have more combinations of labels for people now than ever before and we couldn't be happier/sadder about it. So what, you ask? Well, here's what.

What if we threw all that away? Well, not completely. There are certain aspects of life that can't be denied. Genital configuration. Pigmentation tone. Sexual attraction. Etc. These things (among others) just exist without our knowledge of why... and we accept them for what they are ... descriptive nouns. BUT THAT SHOULD BE ALL WE ACCEPT THEM FOR!

Enter the idea of Post Modern Sexuality or POMO! Yes, I believe in this stuff WHOLE-HEARTEDLY. So far, it's the only thing that makes sense. It says, "Fine, label me. But don't put me in a camp for all those labeled that way... I'd like to play too, dammit." Let me show you some videos that might help:

Does that help? See, nothing matters at the end anyway... at least none of this stuff that we choose to fight about. So why fight at all? Love is Love. Let it be in your life... and stop the hate if you can. Then maybe we can finally get out of this world of TWO once and for all!


Friday, September 11, 2009

Confusion is Nothing New

It's part of a line from Cyndi Lauper's song "Time After Time." The full line is "Caught up in Circles, Confusion is Nothing New." Those words ring so true in my heart right now.

I left Eric's house about an hour ago. Came back to Mom's and checked e-mail and facebook and such. But since I left, the thoughts running through my head have been simply crazy and confusing. This week has been good, but also bittersweet. I have had a wonderful vacation but I can feel the turmoil starting to creep back in as I think about returning to Florida.

I would love nothing more than to throw caution to the wind, sell all my worldly possessions (or at least most of them) and return home. But there are some things I just can't quite get to coalesce in my mind just yet.

My love for those in Florida (one in particular) tethers me there, somewhat. However, that tether is frayed and could snap at any moment. My love for my friends and family in Indiana is strong, however it is also a frail bond thanks to almost 18 years of absence. Things simply aren't the same and I can't expect them to be... nor would I really want them to be, at least, not exactly.

I know how I'd like things to work, however that dream is far from being reality any time soon. If I were able to transplant one part of my life to another part of my life, things might work... but I might as well ask for a free trip to the Sea of Tranquility as well. It's not bloody likely.

I'm good, real good, at making things sound easy. I'm sometimes even good at making them that easy ... or at least making them look that way. But in truth, it never is as easy as I make it out to be. It's one of those times where I can't pick the lesser of two evils or the greater of two goods... it's one of those "choose" moments... not decision moments.

I must make this choice within 48 hours, too, and then stay focused on that choice. It's good, in a way... it gives me something I've been lacking in my life for a long time now... a goal. I'm almost ready to face that choice. A good night's sleep should help.

I pray that the Spirit descends upon me in my sleep, clears the confusion and lights a path I can follow.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

So... Why?

As near as I can figure at this point... the reason is "because life is pretty long for most people."

Ahh... but what was the question? You can pretty much put any 'why' question in front of that. Why should I go to work? Why should I get married? Why should I have kids? Why should I believe in God? Why should I go to the movies? Why should I ask that cute boy/girl to dance?

Look: Our minds play tricks on us all the time. To quote George Carlin, "Ever stand back far enough away from a chain length fence that when you stare at it, all of a sudden it looks like it's right in front of you?" In my own personal experience, have you ever sat at a railroad crossing, watching a train go by, and suddenly think the train is standing still and the world is moving instead?

So there are questions we have. When I tell people about my past, I hear "why" a lot. I have no friggin' idear, honestly. It made sense at the time... now maybe not so much. Then again, maybe it does... it still helps pass the time!

What we're REALLY looking for is that perpetual high. Don't deny it. Whether or not you've used drugs is immaterial here. It's the high of living. That feeling of accomplishment, success, forward progress, momentum, dreams and goals realized and all that comes with them. That shit is ADDICTIVE!

Who WOULDN'T want that?! So why do so many people deny it from themselves? Opportunities become challenges or requirements instead of the other way around. That's insane! It's staring at the half-empty glass of cold beer and letting it get warm because it's only half.

Mid-Life Crisis? Yeah, I think so. In this case, instead of full or empty... it's "only" or "already." Only Half-Lived... or Already Half-Lived. "My life is only half-over... I've still got a LOT to do!" or "My life is already half-over and where has it gotten me, really?"

Actually, strike that... it's not only a mid-life crisis... it's a complete life crisis.

Some people are downers ... while others are uppers. I'm usually an upper but I've had my moments of being a downer. I know exactly when and why these moments have occurred. Fortunately, knowing that, I can take steps to reduce their frequency (and that statement alone firmly places me in the upper category).

Pehaps this sounds like me tooting my own horn... and if you're thinking that.... you're right and I can't change your mind... nor will I try. For that's one of the things that can cause one of those aforementioned "moment" to occur.

So... enjoy your life... or hate it. It's your choice. I've made mine. Why? Because it's a long damned time. :)