Friday, June 29, 2007

We Can Go Our Own Way

So, for those of you have been keeping up, you already know about what I'm about to tell you. Whee! But for those that don't care but for some reason enjoy reading about my rants and raves... here's the latest about the Internet Radio Equality Act. Basically congress says, "Y'all figure it out cuz we ain't got no dogs in that race."

I find that to be very cavalier of them since it was the government's Copyright Royalty Board that established these new rates for webcasters in the firs place. But then again, perhaps it a Solomon-style decision. Basically the gov't is saying "If y'all don't work this out yourselves, we'll cut the baby in half for ya."

For those of you who want to know more about it, I found most of the hearing that was held yesterday on this blog. Click the link to see the videos.

What I find most interesting is how very few of them see the object lesson in place here which is... work together without concern about who gets what since everybody gets a piece of the pie for working together. If someone's not willing to work, they shouldn't be allowed to be part of it. Anyone remember the story of the Little Red Hen?

I believe that if a group of artists, producers, broadcasters, DJs, promoters, resalers, etc were ALL to combine under the same roof, we'd have a winner... provided the egos were combined as well, knowing that what was to come from their combined work was better than any single piece each brought to the table... knowing that each person's contribution was vital and necessary. Can it be done? Yeah, it can. Will it? Only time will tell.


Thursday, June 28, 2007

Revitalizing The Vibe


Last night I went out to Southern Nights with V. She truly needed a fun night out and it was certainly that. :) I had forgotten that K (don't ask me what it is with one-letter names.... I don't know) was going to be in a contest that night at Southern as well. When we got there, K was the next one on. K's a lesbian with Drag King performance tendencies and last night she performed to Nine Inch Nail's Closer. It was fantastic! K came in 3rd out of like 8 or 10 contestants. I was hoping for 2nd place for her at least, but I think she was just barely edged out, which sucks. But she says she's going to enter the next contest and I think that's awesome. :) There were no other drag kings in the contest so she definitely has a niche. Now we just gotta work on her ability to look like the artist she's trying to impersonate. ;) I told her I'd be willing to help her with mixes and such. I think it'd be fun.

At any rate, as I walked around the club and saw faces both familiar and new, I realized how much I had missed going out to Southern, lookin' all fierce and gettin' people to take notice. I began to wonder if it wasn't time for "Miss Jenna" to come out of retirement, so to speak. I have sooo many interests and it's hard to keep track of all of them sometimes... lol. Fear of commitment to any one of them? Maybe... maybe I just like all the cuisine in the buffet and don't understand how someone can say "this is good, that is not" when it's all good. For those out there that are biblically minded.... wasn't that one of the things God kept saying? Created this, looked at it... it's good. Created that, looked at it too... it's good. All of it was like that... so... it's all good, biotch. :)

At any rate, I'm getting the itch again. But it's different now. It's not an exclusive "this is my community" vibe... it's an inclusive "this is part of me too" vibe. :) It's "don't subtract and divide.... instead add... and multiply!" I'm beginning to understand the vibe as it should be and not the way it's become. With a little tweaking... we can get it back to where it's all good again. :)



Okay people... pay attention because something else we've been enjoying is about get attacked by the money machine: Internet Radio. Check out these links:

A Look at Radio Silence: When Copyright Law Reform Goes Terribly Wrong

Save Internet

This is no different, in my mind, as any other freedom being taken away or any other good thing being attacked by greedy people who want more and more and more and don't know WHEN to stop!

To paraphrase Mr. Holland:

"Well congratulations, pretty soon our children will have nothing to read or write about."

Why are we paying congress to deal with shit like this? Why are we so centered on money, a behemoth of our own creation that has achieved God status in our country? WAKE UP FOLKS!

Peace Goin' To War,

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Is there anybody out there?


Relationship Interaction.

1) Unconditional Acceptance. Provides limitless amounts of joy, love, faith, hope, success, etc. Embodies trust, loyalty, understanding.
2) Conditional Acceptance. Provides limitless amounts of joy, love, faith, hope, success, etc. when conditions allow. (Fair Weather)
3) Requirements. Provides temporary joy, love, faith, hope, success, etc. when the requirements are met. Also called work.
4) Indifference. Provides nothing but detracts nothing in most cases. There is no reason for or against it. Inconsequential.
5) Non-Acceptance. Provides the antithesis of joy, love, hope, success, etc. in all conditions. Also called conflict.

Most people in my experience only make it to #2. My target is still #1. Any singles out there that feel the same way? If so, RESPOND!


I guess I'm the bad guy...

So, I called the recruiter this morning to tell her that I wasn't going to take the job in PSL. I knew that I was burning the last bridge to working in PSL and with the recruiter, etc. I knew I was going to get a bag of shit from her. It was a stinky one, I'll tell ya that. I was called a lot of names and I started to feel bad about it.

Then, with the help of a friend, I began to remember what a recruiter is supposed to be there for. They are supposed to be there for their people. They are trying to get their people positions with companies that need their services. My recruiter did her job and did it well. But if her aim was to make sure that I was taken care of, then she should've been happy for me and understand that it doesn't make any difference... the end was accomplished.

Oh wait a minute... that's right... she didn't have my best interests in mind, did she? And I want to associate with that why?

Understand, I don't wish anyone any unhappiness and I'm certainly not trying to put anyone out. I, just like everyone else on this planet, am looking for myself and those I care about. I will do whatever it takes, be the bad guy, whatever, to put "my clan" first. There have been moments in my life where I strayed from this path and every time the end has been disastrous. No more of that shit in my life if I can help it. Stand up for what you believe is right, whether someone else thinks it's right or wrong is their life... not yours.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

w00t w00t!!!

My life never ceases to amaze me. I must be headed for something really big soon because there are changes occurring in my life that are meant to prepare me for it.

I've dug a little hole for myself... okay, a big hole. At any rate, this hole doesn't threaten just myself. It threatens people I care about too. Not in as much as they wouldn't survive... but hell... I can make it good or I can make it bad.... it's my choice.

So... past all the cryptic bullshit, here's the news. I got the opportunity to go back to PSL and work at a great contract rate. It meant getting myself out of the hole. But it also meant being away from the people I care about, the home I've established, etc. And the weight of both was killing me.

So I had to make a choice. My choice was simple, I needed to accept what I had done and do my best to get out of it. At the time, my only option was to go to PSL.

So yesterday I went in to work and gave my two-weeks notice. The VP wasn't too happy about it but understood that I had to do what I had to do. He made no counter offer and simply left it at that.

I felt pretty bummed out. People were coming up to me with sad expressions as they learned what had happened. I knew the next two weeks were going to be rough... but the potential that the contract in PSL offered and my loyalty to my family's needs was more important to me. Now, remember, Florida is a "right-to-work" state. In addition to the good things this provides employees, it also allows an employer to turn around and say, "You're not needed here anymore. Thanks but no thanks." without citing a reason or anything. So they could have looked at me and said bye, just like that.

That's when the miracle happened. My boss came up to me and asked me what it would take to get me to stay. He said that replacing me wouldn't be that hard... and that my work wouldn't be that difficult to figure out. That wasn't the point for him tho. He felt I was part of the family now and didn't want to see me go. So he asked what was going on in my life and I told him. That's when if offered me a deal I simply couldn't refuse. Over half of what I would be making more in PSL, with benefits (as opposed to PSL) and a promise for an increase again in 4 to 6 months. I didn't know what to say other than .... YES!

My work family stood up and went to bat for me and my home family. I am truly thankful for the blessings of the past couple of days. But I also know that these blessings come with a price. So... although there is a reason to celebrate, it's also no time to sit back on my laurels. Now ... things get started. :)


Monday, June 25, 2007

Well it's about time...

Yay! Maybe this type of BS can stop for EVERYONE finally. I saw this on Yahoo! News today and couldn't help but cheer for the dry cleaner. Regardless of whether or not the man had a real grievance with the dry cleaner or not, it is just plain ridiculous to to what the customer tried to do. Click this link to read the story:

Dry cleaner wins missing pants case

I'm tellin' ya, I fully support the judges decision. It's one thing to say, "Yo dude, ya messed up... pay for the pants" and completely something else to say, "You messed up my pants and now I'm going to bring your entire business to it's knees, take money I'm not entitled to and effectively steal from everyone around me in the process." The greed has GOT to stop or it will KILL us.


Friday, June 22, 2007

One eye open...

So, I woke up today after fitful dreams and began to weep for the world and all living things on it. I began to understand the nature of the connection between Earth and her creations. We all sprang forth from the Earth's good graces either through creation or evolution or some combination thereof (take your pick and don't tell me which you prefer because I really don't care).

So, given this, all other species of life on the planet (save for humans) reach a natural symbiosis with it. Whether they be plants, animals, insects or microorganisms, they all return to the earth something it needs in order to keep the ecosystem stable and viable to continue the process of life on the planet.

Humans, on the other hand, choose to discard the Earth's natural resources, for the most part, and create "synthetics" that clutter up the Earth and provide no sustenance back to the Earth.

Well, that's sorta bullshit, tho. There is nothing synthetic that is not created from something natural. Man can not create anything truly synthetic for man has only the ability to create via the mechanisms given to him naturally. Everything else is simply manipulation of natural resources. Will these manipulations eventually break-down into their original components and feed the Earth again? Yes.... but not in the way Mother Nature intended and certainly not in the time frame she needs. Thus, nature has been forced to adapt to our presence by creating what we would call a "more hostile" environment... I think she's just trying to keep up with her offspring.

As the pace quickens, mankind continues to find ways to avoid "mother nature's wrath" and still "exploit her resources." But can mankind run so fast that Mother Nature has no choice but to thump her child on the head? I think it's trying to do just that.

Why is it that we, as offspring of the planet, can not recognize that what we "create" should be treated in the same way that nature treats her creations? Technology refuses to return back into itself the waste it produces in order to recycle the elements used rather than waste them and let nature "figure it out." This is preposterous. In the words of Chris Knight from Real Genius... "Would you classify that as a launch problem or a design problem?" Both.

First, when technological leaps were established, there were no plans for recycling and reusing the products of our technological prowess. So, therein lies the design flaw. Second, we forged ahead with the technologies without fixing the design flaw... hence the launch problem.

So what have I said that millions haven't already said? it's a symptom of our society... borrowing and spending without saving, planning or repaying. Perhaps this is not just an ecological issue... or an economic issue... or an emotional issue, or anything so specific. Maybe it's THE issue.

Can we all agree to give back that which we've been given and build a better future for everyone? Or shall we keep running away from Nature in the hopes we can finally escape into complete autonomy from her and establish ourselves as Gods? My bets are on mom. She always knows best.


Now THIS is truly phenomenal...

Every now and then I hit up Oh Gizmo's website just to see what crazy new contraptions people are coming up with to sucker unsuspecting buyers into spending their hard-earned cash on. Now some of these shiny objects are certainly fun and entertaining (like the AUR Robotic Lamp) and there are some that I would LOVE to have in my home to keep me amused during the times my brain requires ... uhm ... something shiny to look at and giggle about. But most of them are completely ridiculous... like the vacuum shoes.

But here's one that brought home the true nature of human ingenuity and it's thirst to deprive mankind of it's mind via man's own devices of frailty. It is The Black Cubes project. There are links from there to all kinds of information about this project, but basically it's a man who has decided to create 999 black cubes, individually numbered with certificates of authenticity, seal something up inside each of them and sell them with the instructions "Don't open them until they are all sold."

From his own website, the author states:
  • 999 black wooden cubes
  • The shape, appearence and dimensions of all the 999 cubes are exactly the same
  • Inside every cube there is something...
  • This thing has a precise sense while is closed in the cube
  • If you open the cube the meaning of this thing is irreparably lost
  • The only way to take possession of this meaning is to be inside the cube...
  • ...But this is obviously impossible!
Now, the guy says that when all the cubes are sold, there will be instructions for all those who bought one to open them and the "second phase of his art project" will begin. Again, from his website:

I'm making 999 wooden black cubes. Every cube has the same shape, appearence and dimensions (every facet is 20 cm.). The strange thing is that there is something inside the cube!. But nobody can take possession of its real sense, because if the cube is opened this sense is lost irreparably. The cube is the material representation of human curiosity.

I imagine a man, sitting on his sofa, drinking a cup of tea: every fortuitous glance at the cube brings always the same question: "What does it contain?"

For some people i have met in my life, this question can become a real torture. And that's because the curiosity is one of the strongest human feeling.

I think at curiosity in its deepest sense as the source of every human action and thought. Every human discovery, for example, is an effort that starts from a curiosity about something.

In this deep sense the thing inside the cube is a representation of the Absolute. A good definition of Absolute can also be "something that doesn't draw its reality from the fact of being perceived". Curiosity is paradoxical and comes from the useless hope to perceive the Absolute.

But this is only ONE side of my art project. Another thing will happen when i will have sold all the cubes. For now i can only say that the "content" of the black cubes will change the meaning of my project.
  • There is a reason for the number of the cubes, 999. If i sell a good number you will know it
  • What is it inside the cubes? I can only say that there is something different for every cube, that make your cube unique;
  • You can't get its sense if the cube is opened (that means breaking it).
  • Every cube is a part of an unique project
  • Something else will happen to my project some day (when i have sold all cubes)
Now, based on what I've already seen... according to OhGizmo's research, #54 costs 83 dollars and each cube is 50 cents more than the one before it. That being the case, this means the cube #1 was $56.00 and cube 998 (the last one he's selling) will be sold for $555.00.

What does this make the total draw for selling 998 mystery products? A cool $304,639.50. This, of course, is a gross amount and not adjusted for shipping, materials, packaging and whatever else it is that he's putting in these things . Still tho, I can't imagine that taking much. There's also no telling what could be in these things. Keys to a car? A baggie of dog poop? Anthrax? His underwear? Who knows? It's the SHEER GENIUS of selling a promise to just under a thousand suckers.

Of course... if you're any sort of out-of-the-box thinker at all... you know this happens all the time, every day, everywhere anyway... this guy's just being a little bit more obvious about it than most. Best part? 76 cubes have already been sold. All hail human nature.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Dating Schmating


So I talked to this guy Monday about going out to see a movie sometime. We agreed we'd go see either Surf's Up or Knocked Up on Wednesday night (yesterday). I was thinking Surf's Up would be a better choice. We were all excited and he thanked me that he'd actually have something to look forward to in the middle of the week for once. I was like, sure!

Now this guy and I have had some chemistry before, but since my transition that chemistry has changed. It's still there... but it's apparently confusing to him now. That's okay tho, cuz it was confusing to me before. Getting the picture yet? If not, keep reading.

I left work yesterday and called to find out where he wanted to meet me at. I got his voice mail. Didn't think anything of it other than he might still be at work or on the phone. So I left him a messages saying that I was on my way and asked that he call me.

A few minutes later... I got a text message from his phone saying "Got your message. I'm having dinner with my mother, she's not feeling well. Raincheck? Sorry."

Now, this normally would not bother me at all. Not in the slightest. If I had sent him a text first. Maybe this is splitting hairs here... but... considering he was looking forward to it (enough to write it in his calendar, he said), and considering he obviously had his phone with him since he sent me a text from it, it doesn't make sense to me that he wouldn't answer the phone when I called or at least call me back with the information. I'm very understanding that family comes first and have no problem with that. Therefore, it leads me to believe that there was another reason he chose not to answer/call back. Whatever that reason is, I'm doing my best not to speculate. :) But it's hard not to when one's done it for so long and knows human nature.

So, what did I learn from this? To leave it alone. I sent him a text saying, "Sure, no problem. I hope your mother feels better. If you wanna do something later, let me know. No pressure, just fun." And left it at that. I fairly certain I'm done chasing the rainbow now (heh... nice pun for those in the know), and am focus on me instead. Once I'm where *I* want to be... if someone else finds that attractive, I'll size up them and their motives and then decide if I want to share or not. But until that time, I gotta Jenna back on the horse she fell off of!


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Today's Lyrics ... from the Vault!

Whee! Okay, for some reason I dug into my country albums today and pulled out Montgomery Gentry. Not sure exactly what happened or how I got there considering I started out looking for Michael W. Smith's "Friends." But at any rate, I've been listenin' to the two albums of theirs that I have. I was attracted to their work after hearing the songs "Hell Yeah" and "If You Ever Stop Loving Me."

Currently playing is this song... and it struck me enough to share it here:

I Ain't Got It All That Bad

(verse 1)
Well I ain't got It all that bad, there's tougher lives I might have had,
Sometimes I live hand to mouth, But there are those who go without,
Might be things I wish I had, But when I look at where I'm at,
I ain't got It all that bad

(verse 2)
In my time I've tried it all, Free love, drugs and alcohol,
Got loaded up to kiss the sky, Just about kissed the world good-bye,
There are those who never made it back, Me I got lucky and found a landin' pad,
Hey I ain't got It all that bad

I've got the sunshine and a few good friends I've found,
A roof to give me shelter when the rain comes down,
I've got tomorrow in a promise that it brings,
A new chance that still worth takin,
And a dream that still has wings

(verse 3)
These days I don't ask for much, Just the grace of God and my woman's touch,
Strength each day to face the fight, And a place in someone's prayers at night,
Life enough to love and laugh, IF I end up with half of that,
I ain't got it all that bad,
I ain't got it all that bad,
I ain't got it all that bad

Another track that I've resurrected and haven't listened to in a hot minute is this one by Cross Canadian Ragweed. It's a great one too. And appropo I think. :)

Sick And Tired

Got your bag on your shoulder, Never thought once about thinkin' it over.
Feel like you're the only one, Who's ever been in a bad situation.
Now you need to take yourself a love vacation, 'Cause after all, what's done is done.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Everything around you's growin' old.
The days drag on, the nights last forever, Every day's tougher just to keep it together.
Forget everything you've ever known, Except for home.

He made a promise he couldn't keep. I bet he's not losing a bit of sleep,
Over how you're getting down the line. Now don't you fret, now don't you worry,
Don't get in too much of a hurry, 'Cause up ahead's that city limit sign.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Everything around you's growin' old.
The days drag on, the nights last forever, Every day's tougher just to keep it together.
Forget everything you've ever known, Except for home.

Home is where the heart is: That's what somebody once said. (Yeah.)
I think your heart is where your love is: All the rest baby, the rest it's all in your head.

Well, memories, they're over-rated: All they do is get you down an' frustrated,
And who needs that on their back? Starting over, cold turkey,
Washin' your soul of everything that's dirty. Seal your heart of every crack.

You're no longer sick and tired. Everything around you feels brand new.
Yeah. the days fly by, the nights could be longer: Every day you're just a little bit stronger,
Now that you've spread your wings and flown,

Back to home.
Back to home.
Back to home. (Home.)
Yeah, back to home.
(Back to home.)


Craptasm Incarnate

Okay.... so Monday night I went out to see this movie. I went out based on the trailer I have posted above (click on it to view it). It looked FUN! I thought... ooh... a kick-ass girl movie ala Mortal Kombat meets Tank Girl. FUN!


The fun parts of the movie... The beginning, the scene between Tina and her Father and the ending. The rest of the movie was like watching someone play the video game the movie is based on. Which I wouldn't pay $9 to someone to watch them play a game.

It was basically mostly soft-porn eye-candy for prepubescent males with a plot so thin, someone with advanced ADD would be able to immerse themselves in it and actually experience boredom for once.

Am I being a little mean? Yeah... but it deserves it in my opinion... take it or leave, 'sup to you.


Monday, June 18, 2007

Today's Lyrics

When I was young and untouched by the world and it's wicked ways, the music I listened to was mostly Gospel, Christian Contemporary and Hymns. There was, of course, no way to stop the influence of other sources of music, in fact it was quite encouraged. But the recurring themes in my life were always ones of Christ's redeeming love for us.

As I got older, I began to be more discerning of the music I listened to and felt good about. Most of the hymns began to feel like a child's chant to me and didn't move me in my beliefs. The Gospel seemed silly to me (which now I think i could use some gospel energy) and a lot of the CCM seemed like platitudes to a God figure-head that I could neither see nor touch, let alone develop a true meaningful relationship with. That

I needed something that challenged my way of thinking about God, the world, my part in it and my role. When I bought "The Big Picture" album by Michael W. Smith, it was in those heady days where you and your friends simply had to have conversations like this: "Hey, have you heard his new track?" "He's got a new track out?" "Yeah, a whole new album. You should get it!" "Okay, cool!"

Yeah... so anyway... listening to this album again... I remember this track very fondly. Actually, I remember the whole cassette tape I had quite fondly. My car didn't have a cassette player in it. I put batteries in a boombox and put it in the back seat of the car so I'd have my tunes with me while I drove around. :)

At any rate, you can find this song on Rhapsody if you want to hear it. It's got the entire album on there (and Rhapsody gives you 25 free song plays a month... sweet). I thought it to be an appropriate song as I myself am returning to the pursuit of a dream. Enjoy.

Pursuit Of The Dream
Michael W. Smith

Wake up and dream about
The plans you have in store for you
But keep in mind
It's not just what you do
But what you do it for-and who
There are roads to discover
There are stories yet to be told
As you see the big picture
Just beginning to unfold (so)

Break down the barriers but
Don't bend the rules
Never forget your roots
As you head for something new
Ride thru the shades of desire
Letting the light be seen
And he'll steer the heart in the
Pursuit of the dream

It's alright to find yourself
Thinking now and then
About the way you want your life to be
Anticipating what lies

Just around the bend
Can't wait to see

Comes the time of decision
Some you dodge and some you should face
As you see the big picture
There will be some dues to pay (so)


Wake up and dream about
The plans you have in store for you
But keep in mind
It's not just what you do
But what you do it for-and who

There are choices that build you
Choices that will make you fall
All part of the big picture
One day you will see it all


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

What in Gay Hell?


If you didn't see this in your local paper or on the news... you'll see it now. This is completely ridiculous but is SO typical of our government. Check this out: Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'

Much thanks to Jose for the link... Farky goodness. :)


Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Today's Lyrics

Ahhh... an oldie but a goodie AND baddie... yeah... I say that because I hate feeling like this but it's also very empowering. Since this is the place to write down how I'm feeling and get it out (so I can actually function and deal with my surroundings) here it is:

I'll Never Fall In Love Again
Burt Bacharach / Hal David

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again!
I'll never fall in love again!

For a more recent version of this sentiment.... try this:

Never (Past Tense)

Tina Arena

(Verse 1)
I can't be with you again
Don't remind me of the good times that we had
I learned a lot from us since then
And I never want these feelings to ever come again

You'll never hear me crying
You'll never see me trying
To love you once again
Your love is so past tense

(Verse 2)
Please don't tell me that you've changed
(and I) don't want to hear on how, you've lost your evil ways
(you see) the one who's changed this time is me
And I won't go back to feeling helpless and deceived

You never hear me crying
You never see my trying
To love you once again
Your love is so past tense


To think you had me fooled every now and then
You had me believing that I was the reason that you left
But I won't fall back in love with you again
I don't even want to be, - I don't want to be -
(backgrounds) your friend, no NO NO

(Chorus - )2X
You never hear me crying
You never see me trying
To love you once again
Your love is so past tense

Not falling for it anymore. It can start falling for me.


Monday, June 11, 2007

Today's Lyrics for the World

I first heard this song a LONG time ago and it seems to be SO pertinent for today's world. If you can find it online (Rhapsody, Napster, iTunes, LimeWire Bearshare, whatever) then GET IT and LISTEN TO IT with a clear mind and thinking about the lyrics in a universal, unconditional, beautiful LOVE FOR THE WORLD way. Here are the lyrics:

Let Your Love Flow
Larry E. Williams

There's a reason for the sunshine sky
And there's a reason why I'm feelin' so high
Must be the season when that love light shines
All around us

So let that feeling grab you deep inside
And send you reeling where your love can't hide
And then go stealing through the moon-lit nights
With your lover

Just let your love flow like a mountain stream
And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams
And let your love show and you'll know what I mean
It's the season
Let your love fly like a bird on the wing
And let your love bind you to all living things
And let your love shine and you'll know what I mean
That's the reason

There's a reason for the warm sweet nights
And there's a reason for the candle lights
Must be the season when those love rites shine
All around us

So let the wonder take you into space
And lay you under its loving embrace
Just feel the thunder as it warms your face
You can't hold back

{Refrain twice}


Interesting Web Site

In my ongoing search for understanding, I found this website today and it was very insightful for me. I'm not saying everyone will fall into this idea or even that they will understand what it's saying. Just saying that this actually makes more sense to me than anything else does so far. So anyway, here it is:

The Meaning Of Life



Thursday, June 7, 2007

Hehehe... Thanks Nyssa

Nyssa sent me this one today... Thanks sweetie!... ;)

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

You're goin' down, biotch.

Internal struggles seem to be the ones I deal with the most since no one has "brought the fight to my face" yet. So, the only way to quell the natural need for fighting is by internalizing it I guess. For me, today, that fight is between me and the lazy, listless, devil-may-care attitude I've had whenever I feel that my efforts aren't appreciated, noticed, or thanked.

The question that keeps leaping to my mind nowadays is "Oh... you needed that? You said you were doing this because you wanted to." Yeah... that old chestnut. What the frig do I want anyway? Oh yeah... to be happy. And how does one be happy? Oh yeah... you just do it. So why do I have to keep reminding myself these things? Am I that forgetful or am I stuck in a loop that I can't get out of? If it is a loop, it's one that changes sufficiently enough to show changes in time... so as to give the appearance of achievement and progress through at least one machination. So, I'm not ruling out the loop theory yet.

Am I that forgetful? If I am, it's a temporary forgetfulness because I eventually pick up the pieces again and make myself happy... usually just before I face something big that is about ready to beat me back into submission and back into the loop. Plus, I do have memories of most of the events in my life so I find it hard to believe that I'm that forgetful.

Whatever it is, it's irritating me and I know it's not coming from my family or my friends... they're the ones trying to help me see it, recognize it, fight it and kill it. Problem is, family and friends don't always agree on the best way to do something. So, I gotta make the ultimate decisions myself. Freedom's a bitch sometimes.

If I had my choice, everyone would know that they free to do as they wish and actually do it. Now, I'm not talking about doing what one wishes without penalty. Doing what one "wishes" doesn't mean that one should not pay the price for doing what they want. But sometimes what we think we want isn't really what we want at all. At least, not on the surface.

So what on God's green Earth will make me happy? Me. My attitude is completely within my control. My perception of situations is what ultimately drives my happiness. Of course, it is often VERY hard to be happy when one is empathetic to the plights of other souls... especially those for whom one cares about. Thus as per Callahan's Law, to fight entropy, we share our lives with our friends and family for shared joy is increased and shared pain is lessened.

Yesterday I went to lunch with my ex... someone I still care about very much and will never stop caring about even beyond the boundaries of time. As we chatted, I felt the old chemistry building up just as I had last weekend (we spent a day together this past weekend). Last weekend I made the choice to ask where the chemistry was going. Were we able to put the right elements together and create an explosion of love and life, humor and laughter, beauty and music... or were we still being stingy with what we had and not giving our all into the equation? Well, it's not hard to discern that since I'm still writing about stuff like this here in my journal that that didn't happen.

So yesterday when we had lunch and I felt the chemistry building yet again... I had to ask him not to call me anymore. I recognized many things right there and then. I recognized that just being with him made me feel good. I also recognized that my own stumbling blocks of the "new relationship" were mine and that until I can get over them, it's not right for me to answer his call. Until I can be the friend to him that I should be, until I can keep myself from offering such pain and hurt in retaliation for what I perceive as slights to me, I need to keep my distance because all I end up doing is hurting the ones I care about that way. Yes, it apparently is all about me, after all... just not in the way I used to think.

I also recognized that my presence feels good to someone else I care about yet is representative of the same problem just in reverse. In that relationship, I'm the one that needs to back off and let the other heal until happiness has been recaptured and the wounds have been closed. I now know how it feels to be around someone I care about and not be able to experience the joy that was there before. I certainly don't want anyone else to feel that way on my account.

So, until such a time as burned bridges can be rebuilt and friendships renewed, I am keeping to myself and working on my own attitudes and physical goals. It might be lonely for a while... but it will at least give everyone a chance to do the same for themselves.


Monday, June 4, 2007

Interesting Lyrics

So I was listening to the Drop Shop radio today and heard an interesting track today... dunno the name of it... but there were spoken-word lyrics that were quite interesting.

It started out with: "Materialism, Instinctivity and Sex"

Yet every now and then would change to: "Spiritualism, Meditation and Love"

The division and encapsulation of the carnality of mankind vs the virtue of mankind and the nouns selected for each grouping caught my attention. (Okay, the word sex originally caught my attention but then I started listening). In what I call a typical understanding, Materialism is the opposite of Spiritualism... Instinctivity the opposite of Meditation ... but Sex and Love is where it gets tricky (that's tricky... not sticky... although it can ... but if you're not old enough to know that, I'm not going to explain it).

Hmmm... well what is Sex ... other than a way to procreate and propagate the species? Many say (myself included) that it is an expression of Love. It can also be used as a weapon, however so can any of the nouns listed above. So let's go with expression for now and see where it leads us.

If Sex is a carnal expression of the virtue of Love... then perhaps Materialism, the physical aspects of this world, is an expression of our Spirituality. And our Instinctivity is merely an expression of the virtue of Meditation. One side lasts just moments... the other side lasts for eternity and are the ultimate source of our expressions. This makes sense to me in a "greater cosmic understanding" sort of way.

So if this is the case... and the source of our carnalities is our virtues... why do we get all wrapped up over what our carnal expressions are saying? Knowledge. A little knoweldge (without wisdom) is a dangerous thing.

Being materialistic without understanding one's spirituality creates confusion and eventually produces nothing of value to the person being materialistic... for there is no meaning behind the materials... they are just things then.

Acting on instinct without the benefit of meditation (even a little bit) won't get us what we need and will in fact get us in trouble more often than not. Our mouths instinctively water at the smell of food simply because through experience and meditation we have come to understand more about the smell to where it no longer requires meditation... now it's instinct.

Sex without Love... well, as well all know (unless you're one of those I was talking about earlier) it's empty and can sometimes (if the sex is good) produce a nasty by-product called jealousy. But when true love is present, any physical act between two or more people can be called "Sex." It's just another noun to describe the way we experience the beauty of the eternal. This act is procreative in many ways and has created many things: children, music, paintings, sculpture, theatre, etc. ... but the only time anything as beautiful as to take on a life of it's own has EVER come from these acts is when Love (the eternal virtue that we express via "sex") was present during the act.

At any rate... as I said, I found these lyrics interesting and decided to blog about them. I know that in my own life, I have often not "considered the source" before attempting to "express the eternal." That was then... today is different. Today, I see no point in attempting any of these expressions if they are not expressing the virtue they were meant to express. Today I exist in the eternal and will express that within my life.


Jenna at The Drop Shop

Forgot to mention... the date is set for June 22, 2007 from 8 to 10 pm. I have an idea in my head for what I want to do... now I just gotta find a way to get some time in to practice and put the set together that I need to play. :)

Update: For those of you who don't know how to get there... click this link: The Drop Shop to get to their site. On the right hand side of the page, just under the shopping cart is where you can tune in. You'll need WinAmp to listen or something else that can play an m3u playlist file and a decent internet connection.


The Bitch is Back

What a weekend!

I don't know how all this happened (well if I told you how and why you'd say "Sure Jenna, Whatever") but I'm so glad it happened. The Bitch Is Back, ladies, "genitlemen" and everyone in-between out there. :) Oh yes, back with a vengeance against that which had tried to kill her and stop love's creation from being everything that she could be. Everything came together this morning in one shining moment. An understanding of everyone's place in my life, what they represent, what they were put in my life to show me and teach me, etc. It all comes down to this:

I wrote in my journal ... a LONG time ago about a vision I had which I had thought was to prepare me for showing love to those who were "gender-queer." The phrase I thought I had heard was "These are my children, and they are dying, because no one will tell them that I love them." And in essence, yes, that is what I was being told. But the part of that message that I *didn't* hear then, and yet I hear now is this ... "This is what you are. I made you. And I love you. No matter what anyone else thinks or says."


And it was SO simple a message that I didn't hear it. I heard what I EXPECTED to hear based on what I had believed. Through the kind and loving attentions of my friends and family, that quieter message is now heard load and clear. By muffling out everything else that I thought "mattered" to me... by silencing those voices, they enabled me to hear the small still voice that kept repeating it until I heard it.

Some of them, in order to do that, had to endure GREAT suffering from the voices that were trying to tell me different. I will not let them down now. I have a goal again! Yes. Now that those demons are going after my friends and family and having a fucking FIELD day with them.. my strength has returned to help them battle those demons and kick their asses with Love's help, once and for all.

I'd stay and write more about it... but there's WAY too much to get done now and VERY little time to do it in.


Friday, June 1, 2007

Strangely Familiar Day


Weirdness abounds. I've got lots of ideas going on in my head right now about the future and some of them are pretty darned inviting. I won't go into them much here... but things are looking up. Got a few things to report.

1. False Alarm on the Lightning: It appears that my romp into the dating scene with the guy I was talking about a couple days ago is more than likely a dud than a stud. There's a lot of fear there that I never saw before. People are often afraid of that which they don't know or understand... so i guess I can accept that (*ahh...*ahh... *bullshit!)... little sneeze there, sorry. We went to lunch today and there was an emotional wall there that didn't exist before. I recognized it... I know what it was. Been there before... not going to deal with it again. So as Montgomery Gentry would say, "You do your thing, I'll do mine." (which, oddly enough, is all I'm looking for anyway, to be honest).

2. Groovin' on the Net: Got a call today from the Drop Shop... seems that I've been selected for a free slot on The Drop Shop radio. I was pleasantly surprised to get the offer! Gonna drop by their shop later today to see what slots they have available this month and set something up. I need some time to "practice" tho... I'm a little rusty. :)

3. Other general weirdness: Not gonna get into too much of it because i don't want to jinx it... but then maybe not saying anything will jinx it... oh the humanity! Suffice to say... there's other weirdness going on that's very familiar but not in a bad way... in a good way. If it's what I think it is... I'm gonna make sure I pay attention this time. :)

I'm still at work with about 50 minutes to go so I'm gonna close this and finish up my work. Later, folks.

SPAM! Now delivered via IM!

OK... so there I was at work and all of a sudden some guy I don't even know decides to pop into my life via Yahoo IM (that's short for Instant Messenger, mom). Being the curious, evil, smart-ass SOB (thats short for ... yeah, you know already) that I am, I decided to play along for a bit. The contents of this chat (and my comments as we go along) follows:

[15:26] xxxxxxxxxxxx: hello
[15:27] pureplurgirl: hi
[15:30] xxxxxxxxxxxx: how are u
[15:32] pureplurgirl: well, I don't like to brag...... but I'm pretty good

The smart-ass shows herself.

[15:32] xxxxxxxxxxxx: :D
[15:32] xxxxxxxxxxxx: i like that
[15:32] xxxxxxxxxxxx: thats good
[15:32] pureplurgirl: :)
[15:32] xxxxxxxxxxxx: u must like purple

I always heard that purple was a healing color. I didn't understand where he was going with this until later.

[15:33] pureplurgirl: I like all the colors
[15:34] xxxxxxxxxxxx: well i was just speaking and promoting my health website

Rut-Roh... I smell SPAM

[15:34] xxxxxxxxxxxx: its not spam

Sure it isn't

[15:34] xxxxxxxxxxxx: i sell noni juice

"No-No Juice?"

[15:34] xxxxxxxxxxxx: dont know if u heard of it
[15:34] pureplurgirl: nope, sure haven't
[15:35] xxxxxxxxxxxx: well it increases energy and physical performance
[15:35] xxxxxxxxxxxx: helps maintains a healthy immune system
[15:36] xxxxxxxxxxxx: and protects the body against free radicals by providing powerful antioxidants

Those damned free radicals... can't we just lock them up already?

[15:36] xxxxxxxxxxxx:

Normally, I wouldn't put ANY identifying information about someone I'm poking fun at in a post like this... but he actually TOLD me to later in the post.

[15:37] pureplurgirl: wow... sounds like a winner

Gettin' smarter by the moment

[15:37] xxxxxxxxxxxx: thats the website
[15:37] pureplurgirl: uh huh

No shit, sherlock

[15:38] xxxxxxxxxxxx: we also sell body, facial and hair care products
[15:39] xxxxxxxxxxxx: women health products
[15:39] pureplurgirl: very nice
[15:39] xxxxxxxxxxxx: i see u like to play video games

Uhh... what? Phase shift in progress... where's he going now?

[15:40] pureplurgirl: Yeah... mostly online games with friends.
[15:40] xxxxxxxxxxxx: u work for tiburon?
[15:40] pureplurgirl: uhm... no
[15:41] pureplurgirl: does my profile say that?
[15:41] xxxxxxxxxxxx: it says software developer
[15:41] pureplurgirl: ahh... well yeah, I'm a software developer. But just about every company has software developers on the payroll these days.
[15:41] pureplurgirl: Can't exist without an internet presence these days, right?
[15:42] xxxxxxxxxxxx: i guess so
[15:42] xxxxxxxxxxxx: well sorry if i was bothering u
[15:43] pureplurgirl: no worries... good luck with your business. :)
[15:43] xxxxxxxxxxxx: i just did a yahoo search of women 35-50, because women care about their health more than men

Wow... yeah... and women under 35 could care less of course and women after 50 just figure, well screw it... might as well live it up, right?

[15:43] pureplurgirl: ahhh... that old chestnut
[15:43] xxxxxxxxxxxx: not saying u old

Wow again! Quickly! Shift gears into reverse!

[15:44] xxxxxxxxxxxx: my cousin sold me my 1st bottle and told me not to be cheap when it comes to my health
[15:44] xxxxxxxxxxxx: im only 26

Okay, I couldn't stand it anymore and thought I should give him some practical advice.

[15:45] pureplurgirl: well that's true... but I find that what works best is proper diet, good exercise and drinking plenty of water (especially since that's what 90% of your body is anyway) usually does the trick.
[15:45] pureplurgirl: but that's me... not necessarily everybody
[15:45] xxxxxxxxxxxx: well the juice is for healthy people and is not a cure

WTF?! Healthy people would know not to spend their hard earned cash on something they can do for themselves!

[15:45] pureplurgirl: I'm sure it isn't

Heh... couldn't resist.

[15:45] xxxxxxxxxxxx: the main thing it helps is the immune system
[15:46] xxxxxxxxxxxx: and it has increased my energy
[15:46] pureplurgirl: that's great!
[15:46] xxxxxxxxxxxx: u play halo

Phase shift again... there's something else on this guy's mind... what could it be?

[15:47] pureplurgirl: no... usually just World of Warcraft... sometimes I dig into some old-school games
[15:47] xxxxxxxxxxxx: ok
[15:48] pureplurgirl: :) I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to games. Something engaging that challenges me and entertains me. Playing online is definitely a fun event.
[15:49] xxxxxxxxxxxx: ok
[15:50] xxxxxxxxxxxx: u have any pics

BINGO! Oy...

[15:50] pureplurgirl: not with me... I'm at work
[15:50] xxxxxxxxxxxx: ok
[15:51] xxxxxxxxxxxx: well let your friends know about the site if u dont mind

At least I keep my promises, right?

[15:51] pureplurgirl: oh I will. :)
[15:53] xxxxxxxxxxxx: thank u
[15:53] xxxxxxxxxxxx: have a good day
[15:53] pureplurgirl: you're welcome! you too! good luck with everythine
[15:53] xxxxxxxxxxxx: ok thanks

Hope you had as much fun reading that I had experiencing it. :)


First one's free... tell your friends where you got it.

Here's some more humorous goodness from work:

Drug Dealers Vs Software Developers

Drug Dealers

Software Developers

Refer to their clients as "users".

Refer to their clients as "users".

"The first one's free!"

"Download a free trial version..."

Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).

Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).

Strange jargon: "Stick,"Rock" ,"Dime bag,"E".

Strange jargon: "SCSI,"RTFM", "Java,"ISDN".

Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.

Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.

Job is assisted by the industry's producing newer, more potent mixes.

Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, faster machines.

Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.

Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists.

Their product causes unhealthy addictions.

DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem

Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.

Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

The Airplane

A programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away, and tries to sleep. The programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I'll ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" Now, that got the engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question, "what is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the programmer $5.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer, "what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50, turns away, and tries to return to sleep.

The programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well? What's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer and returns to sleep.