Monday, May 30, 2005

Off The Rails

That's how I describe this weekend... Off the Mutha Effin' Rails. Let's see... ready? Here we go.

Friday, supposed to get off work early to be able to get my crap together and pick up everybody, drive to Tampa, get settled in, and then go out. I should've known how the weekend was going to go from what happened on Friday...

I get in and there are 4 emergencies happening at once... a continuation of the previous day's BS. So once again, I go into Wonder Woman mode and begin dealing with the crises as quickly as I can... but information was being spoon-fed to me about how bad the situation really was. As a result, I didn't end up leaving the office until 8:30 that night... 4 HOURS after I was supposed to leave.

Everyone, God love them, waited for me. I told them to go ahead and go and that I would make sure they were taken care of if I couldn't get to the hotel, etc. But, they were insistant that I go with them. Ya gotta love friends that put their plans on hold just so you can be a part of them.

So we finally get to Tampa and the other vehicle blew out a tire three exits away from our exit. So I turn around to go back and help them get back on the road. We finally get to the club at about 1 am. We have two hours left at the club. *sigh*. But at least we got there.

After a great time there, we headed back to the hotel. One of the members of the crew (the birthday boy) developed a migraine and wanted to sleep while the others still wanted to party. Drama ensues. I admit, I broke down, but only because I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and have a good time, etc. I wasn't mad at any one person for anything. Each in their own way was trying to protect me, so... it's all good.

We finally sort that out and just kinda chill out in the hotel for most of the day on Saturday. The plans had to be altered slightly because one of the vehicles still had a donut on it. But, being a resourceful crew, we managed to get to a party that pretty much blew away every other party I've been to. The end of it wasn't so great since the cops showed up and some people were having difficulties adjusting to normality... but... oh well. We were all tired from a great time and just wanted to relax somewhere for a while before starting the long trip back to Orlando.

We went back to the hotel to pick up our things and check out. Went back to where the party was at since the host graciously offered to let us crash there for a few hours before heading out. But someone else in the household wasn't so ammenable to that idea and we had to leave. Blah. But of course, before we could leave, we had to get that one tire fixed (it was working on a donut). So, first we go to Tire Kingdom, all beat and exhausted from a weekend of fun, and then head home.

All in all, it was a good time... but it was a rollercoaster. I had planned to be home all day today to just chill and relax at home with my man before going back to work... but apparently that's not allowed. My office calls with 4 different emergencies... and of course, I'm always the only one that can seem to fix anything around here. So, I'm at the office, baby-sitting some systems to make sure everything gets finished and is kosher. So far, I've been here 4 hours. 4 more and I'm asking for another day off to replace my "holiday" since this is a bank recognized holiday.

Anyway, I can only hope that when everything calms down (after I get this last fire put out at work) that things will settle back into some semblance of normalcy. A girl can dream can't she?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

The Little Things

It's the little things that make it worth while, right? You betcha! Got up today feeling typically irritated that my sleep was interrupted by yet another Thursday. Thursday's are the worst because they always feel like they should be Fridays. Running late as usual, I finally get to the office only to find that three emergencies are happening all at once. My "cell-mate" isn't here today, she's sick... so I'll have no one to chat with all day and the world is falling apart. So, I go into Wonder Woman mode, catch the offending bits of code in the act and whip them into shape... all before lunch.

That's when I find out that Twink was not more than 5 minutes away from me doing something for her boss. It was like a little ray of sunshine during the day. We could do lunch together! And so we did! It may seem like something small... and it is... but the fact that it was her and we could get away from both of our blahs, even for just 30 minutes, was awesome. Since she works on the other side of town, we both knew it was a rare thing and met at Subway. Life is good. =D

I still have 6.5 hours left here at the office... but that little surprise will keep me going for the rest of the day. Tomorrow we're going to Tampa for Memorial Day weekend so tomorrow will be a happy day too. Looking forward to a great weekend, I am. :)

zzZZZZzzzZZZzzztt ..o`O*..!!!

Woah, okay, 4.5 hours just flew by. Hell, I forgot I hadn't posted this blog until just now... HA! Oh well, more to tell, then... not much because this place ain't that exciting. In fact, other than watching the building manager change his clothes in the parking lot (yeah, that was weird) nothing has really happened here.

Got an estimate for the pool re-screening. The total for the re-screen and the structure rebuild came in $100 over what the insurance company originally paid out. So we are actually going to get a little more money since it's still less than the depreciation reserve. Yay! Hopefully, this means that before June my pool will be usable again. We still have to get the solar panels checked out... AGAIN and Rob says there's something wonky with the top of the chimney. He thinks we should check it out before hurricane season gets too far underway. Fine. Blah.

Anyway, nothing more to say today. I'll probably write again tomorrow before the trip and then sometime on Monday when we get back. Toodles!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Mental as Anything

Right then. So, Memorial Day weekend is coming up. It's also a friend's birthday. So, of course, there are many plans in the works. With plans comes conflict because nothing ever goes to plan and with conflict comes drama, because conflict is so dramatic... just watch The Shield, 24, House MD, etc. and you know that.

But even though I know that this is going to happen, I push forward into the breach, regardless. This is a repetitive pattern in progress, too, by the way. Clinically, it's called insanity. Mental instability identified and verified. Oh well, give me a straitjacket and a padded room. It's a good thing I like white.

I guess we press on because we think, maybe this time, everything will be alright. Maybe this time everyone will see each others' points of view and accept each other at FACE value, not the value they expect nor the value they have learned to expect based on experience. Of course, the odds of this happening are about as astronomically high as getting a Royal Fizzbinn on Tuesday (* little shout out muh Trekkie homies out there *).

Regardless, I plan to have a good time this weekend. Futile as this pursuit may be, I am constitutionally entitled to it and will therefore engage in it wholeheartedly. At least my patriotism is not in jeopardy, right?

In all seriousness, please people... think before you speak, before you act, before you judge. Nobody lives in your head but you. And you only live in your own head. Don't jump to conclusions about what people mean, why they act a certain way, say a certain thing, look a certain way, etc. Don't start writing stories in your head that just make you miserable. Try to write a story that makes you happy. Since you will NEVER EVER really *KNOW* what's going on in someone's head, you'll never fully understand their actions, their words or their reasons. So allow yourself to see things in a light that makes you happy, satisfied and complete.

There are some things that are hard to overlook and hard to "write a good story about," this is true. In those times, all you can do is to look to yourself, ask yourself if you would do the same thing in the same situation. Ask yourself if you can continue to interact in the relationship the same way. Regardless, remember that every action has a reaction. You may think you're reacting to someone else's action... but someone else will then react to what you do. The only way to stop that cycle... is to stop the cycle... don't react. Accept and move on, write your own story to the events and make a better life for yourself. If you can do that, when people see that change in you, they too will change in their own time.

Of course, to some, all of that is a load of sheep dip. And that's fine... I didn't title this entry "Mental as Anything" for nothing. It's a smidgeon of the values that work for me and my life. They say life is what you make it... and so I choose to make it something that works for me and those close to me (as much as I'm able). If it makes sense to you, try it out... it's not all that hard and you'll be surprised how much better it feels than hanging on to story that makes you miserable.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Episode III

Oh my... oh my... I can't even get out the whole phrase... let me compose myself.... OH MY GAWD! Possibly the best film of the entire set of 6! This is one that I *will* see again in the theatre. I *will* pay to see it again without a doubt. I was moved to tears 4 times during the movie ... the depth of the story, the parallels to our lives and the realizations it provided were absolutely astonishing! But then, I'm a story person. For those who see the special effects and whine that it's all CGI, etc... I ignore you. The story is always what drives the film. Whenever I watch a film, I become so engrossed I become part of it... that's just how I am. I *live* the story with the characters. If you are like this, and have any love for the Star Wars universe at all, you will love this film.

Going to Tampa this weekend for role-playing. Looking forward to it! The pool screen structure finally got fixed yesterday. Now we just need to get the screens fixed and the pool resurfaced and it will be perfect! The pool resurfacing is going to be a pain in the arse since it will have to be drained. So that's a project for later. I'm just glad that we've been able to get it done! Things are coming together again and life is starting to return to some semblance of normalcy. So life is good. I'll probably not post again until next week sometime as this weekend will be very busy. So until then, have a great weekend!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

It's Star Wars Thursday!!!

Yes yes yes... the time has finally come! Tonight is the night I have waited 28 long years for. Tonight I find out how Darth Vader became Darth Vader! Much Happy! It feels like Friday today... it SHOULD be Friday... but of course it's just Thursday... but I can take solace in the fact that it is Star Wars Thursday. :)

This weekend should be fun. I have role-playing this weekend. The group I play with plays in the Champions universe, part of the Hero system. I have 5 different characters I play and two of my favorites are in the spotlight this weekend. Quantum, the sassy red-headed Irish gravity controller is in deep crap. She's been identified as part of the Quarm, a collective of entities that eats realities for breakfast. Dunno how this is going to play out... but it should be interesting. After this weekend, I may only have 4 characters, who knows. The other is Re-Run. I was very proud of Re-Run when I made her. She's a TV junkie who, when bathed in the radiation of a meteor-strike, found herself with unique abilities. Her abilities come from props and clothing she finds from cancelled TV shows. When she dons the garment, she gets the powers and personality of that character... for however long the show was on. For example, if she put's on the Flash's boots, she gets all the powers and personality of the Flash from the TV show. The power can be turned on and off at will... but it will only last for 1 hour a week since that's how often the show was on in production. So, she must use it sparingly. As of today, she has: Superman's cape from the George Reeves' Superman, Wonder Woman's bracers, Spock's Tunic, Flash's boots, Darien Lambert's PPT, John Chriton's Gun (Winona), and 7 of 9's glove. The GM stated that something big is going to happen to her this weekend... looking forward to that!

Yes, I'm a geek, a nerd, a dork, "eksetera." I guess this is the first time I've described, revelled and wallowed in it openly here on myspace. Whatever, it makes me happy... and that's all that matters anyway. So, fun weekend ahead for me... I hope you all have a great weekend too!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Great subject... really makes you want to read this post, right? Oh well, you're reading it anyway... guess you're bored too. The day is crawling by. It started out with much ferver but now it is almost as if time has stopped. Nothing to work on, no e-mails, got caught up on Strong Bad's e-mails (the most recent one was pretty damn good, actually), no service tickets to work on, can't use AIM at the office anymore, no activity on ravematch, no activity on myspace... BLAH!

I guess I should be thankful. The past two and a half-weeks have been nuts. Crazy things... nutty things... you just don't know the half of it (unless you're in it which then... I guess you do). But see, I've gotten used to the breakneck pace and now that it has slowed down... I don't know what to do. If I were at home, I'd be laying out in the hammock or writing some tunes or something like that. But since I'm not... I just sit here staring at the office computer waiting for something to happen. Perhaps I should not be so expectant and just enjoy the break from the ridiculous. I don't know... I'm still bored.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

The Beginning of New Possibilities

Wow, this has been a traumatic couple of weeks. This last week ended on a note I was completely not expecting. I wont go into the details because I don't have 3 hours to sit here and type them all. I will summarize.

Changes at the workplace have escalated into what appear to be "house-cleaning." For various reasons, people are being questioned, accused, threatened, terminated, etc. The mood has been dismal and the morale fell through the floor. I found that I too am not immune to this "clean sweep" approaching... in fact, to all appearances... I'm in the vaccum cleaner's path.

At first, I was angry. Angry, frightened, panicked, etc. I went into paranoid mode and began to permutate all possible branches from the information I received. Where I would go, what I would do, etc. I was preparing for some more broken shells.

And then this morning it hit me. Like a ton of bricks out of the clear blue sky, it hit me. I had forgotten one of my responsibilities. I only have two, and I forgot one! I have preached it others, but haven't been following it myself. The responsibility to my own happiness. Only I have that responsibility. If I say someone else or something else is making me unhappy, that's me giving that power away. Well, frell that. After 7 years of working to build a company, the machine that bought it now wants to chew me up and spit me out... too bad, it's not getting that kind of power from me. I refuse. 7 years ago, I was looking for something new. I needed a change from where I was. That time has come again.

Once I realized that, it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoudlers. It was as if the flood gates of adrenaline, dopeamine and seratonin had all been opened and I was instantly relieved. Because now is the time of possibility.

Before, I had no possibilities. I knew where I was, what I would be doing, when I would be doing it and why. And none of that brought me any pleasure. In fact, I've accomplished very little. That makes me more irritated than anything else, to be honest. I've let myself become mentally "fat, dumb and happpy." But now, there are vast realms of possibility opening up to me like never before. It's not that they weren't there before, I simply had no motivation to explore them. Now, things are clear, things are bright, shiny and new again. My zest has been restored and my fire rekindled. I'm ready to move on, make the necessary changes to make a better life and say "Screw You" to those who would have me wallow in fear and anger. It is... a brand new day

To those of you who have experienced this epiphany before, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's an "American Beauty" moment. I may not know where the future will take me yet, but at least I know I'm looking forward to it again! So celebrate with me (in whatever way suits your fancy) as I empower myself to be even more than I was before. Drinks are on me!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

No requiem for the shells

There's a saying that goes: "In order to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs." This is true. And an omelet is certainly a much tastier concoction than a raw egg... or even just a cooked egg. The saying is a metaphor that basically means that change may entail prefatory acts. Change. Change is scary business. It is a deviation from the norm. It's a new direction, it is venturing into the unknown. But hell, that's life, right?

But every time I've heard that particular proverb, I've thought to myself, and what of the shells? Stupid, right? Well, here's why I say that. The shell is vital to the egg. You can't have one without it. It protects the precious cargo within and sustains it. The shell itself is the guardian of that life. And when it's no longer needed, it is destroyed and thrown away without thought. That's pretty much what happens.

I've recently been involved in the dissolution of a romantic relationship between two people very dear to me. There have been multiple comments made, actions suggested, threats proffered, etc. This is all typical. It's a divorce, really. I've witnessed first-hand the toll it has taken on these two individuals and it breaks my heart to see either in pain. But where one has made an omelet, the other has been left with the shells. I do not condone anything that either has done in fits of emotional stress nor can I offer anything but my support, love and guidance to both of them. But it also hurts to see those who have shown so much affection for the one with broken pieces simply turn away and celebrate the one with the omelet. Of course, I could just be a sucker for hard-luck cases, too, I suppose. I simply can not sit by and watch someone suffer so much.

To the one who has made the omelet: I too celebrate in your happiness. But you have so much love and affection surrounding you, I know that my place right now is helping the one with the shells heal and grow. I will always care about you both the same way because my relationships are not governed by actions that fate has deemed appropriate. How can I keep such separation and yet still feel so close, some might ask? Because I know the bigger picture. I know that most of this world and that within it, and all that we apply meaning to is fleeting. Therefore only that which endures beyond this world can have meaning. Everything else... EVERYTHING else is empty and meaningless. And it's empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless.

I hope and pray that we can all heal and resolve the differences that our reactions to fate have provided. Some are not strong enough to deal with change without the help of others. Nature would say that that's tough titties. Natural selection, only the strong survive. I say that as spiritual amphibians, existing in both time and eternity simultaneously, we should try to be more than we are. We should try to help those who have learned a different way of life to be able to exist and live when change occurs. Especially when that change leaves them with nothing but broken shells.

Friday, May 6, 2005

Perfect Ending

Well, this week has been just ducky. A flood on Monday, car problems on Tuesday, water heater problems on Wednesday, fever on Thursday, sick on Friday. Can't wait for the weekend.

Honestly, I am wondering what horrible sin I've committed to reap such horrific karma. All that needs to happen now for everything to be complete would be for say... my shingles to re-activate or my house to catch on fire... or maybe my best friend become deathly ill. Come on, bring it on, I can take it. BLAH!

Yes, I know, they are all coincidences, but it sure doesn't seem that way sometimes. Makes me wonder if someone out there has it in for me. Oh yes... and the good news yesterday... the total for the water reclamation services... $2635. Yah... not sure how THAT happened. Well, actually I do know. They didn't tell us about the cost for the anti-microbial agent, the cost for a supervisor, the "equipment decontamination fee" upon removal of the equipment, the cost of removing the carpet from the master closet, and they charged us for 4 days instead of the 3 days it was all actually here. Needless to say, I'm not paying it. They made no mention about any of these charges beforehand... so I don't think I should pay for them afterwards.

On a lighter note, I bought $130 worth of beads yesterday. I needed something to ease my mind. So I'll be making kandi bracelets for a while. At least it's something to do while I sit here sick as a dog. Just have to keep thinking to myself, "this too shall pass, this too shall pass." *sigh*

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Money... it's a gas.

So... the blowers and dehumidifiers have been in the house now for 2 days. Still no sign of getting dry. I begin to question the logic, obviously... and the fact that trying to sleep with the blowers blowing all night, not to mention waking up with a sore throat every morning caused by the dryness, is about to drive me insane. The house is tore up with things in places where they don't belong etc. And the longer we keep the blowers, the more expensive it gets. Current total: $860.00

Next: Last night my neighbor stopped by to tell me that my car lights were still on. But it was just the brake lights. No other light was on. Odd. So I started playing around with it and realized that the brake light switch had gone all wonky. Great. So to keep my battery from running down, I had to prop up my brake pedal with phone books. Took the car to Tuffy's today and thought, well, I should have them do a tune-up since it's overdue (by 1000 miles) and have them repair the passenger rear tire. $378 dollars. They also suggested the timing belt and the water pump for only an additional $400... which I declined as gracefully as I could. Anyway, later I get a call from them saying that the front brakes are almost shot and the serpentine belt IS shot. Another $350 to $400 bucks for that. I declined the brakes, had them fix the belt. I'll take the car to Midas and have them check the brakes for a second opinion. All told: $455.57.

The mortgage still needs to be paid, one of the utilities, and my Amex card. So, Pink Floyd is right... Money is a gas. It becomes vaporous rather quickly.

More good news, since the insurance company already paid to have the floors replaced after the hurricane, and we hadn't replaced them yet, they won't pay to replace them again... funny that. And the deductible per incident is $1000.00 so as of right now, we'd only save $290 by filing for insurance. If I need to keep the blowers there more than 3 days, I might consider it... but right now, it seems silly to go through all the hassle for that money. Not to mention the possibility that after two claims in as many years they might turn around and drop our policy... not good. So screw that.

Oh well, at least I still have my health... oh wait... is that my liver hanging out?

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

I don't care if the light at the end of the tunnel IS a train...

Yah, that's pretty much how it feels at the moment. The weekend started pretty good. I had a car full of happy people heading to Tampa. Had a good time at the Underground... I was sober (being the DD) but I still had a fantastic time blowing up others, sitting in front of the big speakers grinning like a fool, dancing occasionally (it's rather spastic, so I don't do it that often in deferrence to those who know what they're doing), and just generally having a good time.

Drama begins... from several different directions. I deflect it as much as possible and begin the long trip home to Orlando with a car full of quixotic people in the car. By the time I got home, I knew there was no sense in going to bed and stayed up until Rob and I left for Tampa (again) to meet some friends for a day of super-powered role-playing. It took 3 bookoos to make it through the day... yes, Heather... carb city, USA, I know.

On the way home, the sequel to the drama begins. Rob and I are both exhausted and he's about ready to turn into the Hulk... but I manage to sooth the savage beast and send him to bed. Meanwhile, I deal with the new drama with the help of several whippits until I pass out at 4 a.m.

Sunday was pretty good. Had a nice breakfast, went to a movie and dinner, and then went to a friend's house to visit. But that night, something went nuts in my left leg which created a 16-hour charlie-horse. Fun for me.... on top of that, the master bathroom comode decided it had had enough shit and began flooding my house. The master bath, master closet, master bedroom, hallway, utility room and great room..... flooded. I now have 9 blowers and 2 de-humidifiers in my house at $430/day. ARGH!

So if the light at the end of the tunnel is a train... that's fine by me. Just make sure it's a good solid hit... I don't want to limp away from this one.