Monday, July 30, 2007

The Next Adventure

"Well just to solve all my problems to get out of drugs I'd... I'd had enough of that, I'd had the college, I'd had the earning the money and the material trip, I just decided I was gonna find a new way of life. And so I took off on my bicycle." -- Lyrics from Sunworshipper by Mylo.

I'm sitting here at work filling out my timesheet that I forgot to fill out before I left for my vacation (yes, I'll post more about my vacation later), and this track Sunworshipper came on and the lyrics just really spoke to me. Oh to just take off and explore! To greet new people and share with them the joy of living life! Makin' Ravers, Christians, Buddhists, Pagans, whatever label you want to put on it... doesn't matter. Just spreading the joy around and infecting others with that. Yeah.... there it is right there. :)

To do that requires a LOT of change and understanding among those that I love and care about. Hopefully some of them will want to come along. :) A lot has happened in the past few days since I last posted. I think I've lived more in the past few days than I have in a long time and it's felt wonderful! Now, to reintroduce that joy and love... hehehe... this will be fun. :)

Peace JOY,

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

My Summer Vacation... So Far

So... let me take a moment and catch y'all up. I last posted about my fabulous Thursday evening and how my Friday was going. Well, that day dragged on and I had a hard time staying awake at work, but I managed, somehow. The flight to Atlanta was delayed about 10 minutes, no big deal. But the Atlanta flight was delayed a half-an-hour. This meant getting in at 11:15 instead of 10:45. Oh well, I guess 30 minutes wasn't going to hurt too much.

When I got to Atlanta, however, I found that the flight had been delayed again... this time another 45 minutes. So now it's going to be midnight before I get in to Indiana. OOF! Still working on about 90 minutes of interrupted sleep on the plane, I went to the smoker's lounge and struck up a nice conversation with a girl there who grew up in Ohio and lives in Talahassee. Heh. Small world. Having had some of the good energy from her, I went and started talking with some others and managed the pass the time away nicely.

Then they came across the intercom saying that the crew wasn't available yet. Another 15 minutes. I called out loud enough for the crowd to hear, "Y'all do this for a living, right?" I enjoyed it... so did the others... and the dirty looks from the desk workers was priceless. But oh well... they could've just taken it in stride and smiled. I wasn't blaming them... I was making fun of the situation.

So we finally get on the plane and I go back into semi-sleep. Apparently we were delayed on the tarmac too because we didn't land until 12:30. By the time I got off the plane, got the car and got home to my parent's house... it was 2:30 a.m. Everyone here was already asleep so I just got into the bed they made for me and passed out. The end of a 42 hour day.

Saturday I spent the day with the folks and my sister Betty. I haven't seen her in 10 years. It was SO good to catch up with her. That night, I went to my brother's house and played drinking games with my nephew and his friends. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the best of moods due to an argument I had with my parents... and I managed to show my ass pretty well. But fortunately... they're family and understood and just made fun of me the next day. Heh. It had to be done tho... especially since I'd never "let myself go" in front of them before. Perhaps it was the cathartic experience I needed?

I say that because since that day, I have been letting the joy of living fill me up again. I have so many things I want to do now. So much love to spread and share with my friends and family at home in Florida. I guess you can call this trip a spiritual refilling for me.

My sister gave me a pair of pants that fit, but are too short. So we went to JoAnn's and got some rainbow fabric remnants that we used to extened the pants and make a matching bandana from it. Between that and some hippie-love patches to put on the pants, they are gonna be fab!

I still have 4 full days here with the family. Thursday I'm going to King's Island with my sister Betty. She's paying for the trip provided I do the driving. One day this week I'm gonna get together with friends from college. Gonna go make some memories. :) I'll try to get some pictures posted... it is really beautiful up here this time of year.

Anyway, mom has something else she needs me to do so I'm gonna close this for now. I'm still alive and doing well and will be back in the sunshine state soon bringing a lot of personal sunshine with me. :)


Friday, July 20, 2007

Could It Happen To Me?

Every now and then I meet someone that changes my life. Sometimes for the better... sometimes for the worse... sometimes both. The chances we take in life are sometimes crazy, spur-of-the-moment, "well why the hell not?" chances.

Last night, I figured I was going to pack my bags and get an early night in preparation for this trip today. Well, I got a call from a guy friend last night ... a guy friend that I've had interest in for some time now. It's been ... a curious relationship with him but I won't go into details about that because it's no-one's business but our own. At any rate... I ended up going to see him last night... and stayed the night... without sleep. :)

I'm paying the price for it today... but it was SOOO worth it. :) The only thing now is, I won't see him for a week. Yeah... it may not seem like a long time... but for one who lives in the moment and truly understands the tenuous nature of life and time... it might as well be an eternity. I didn't want to leave this morning at all. I wanted to fall asleep with him and sleep the night off. There are SOOO many possibilities running through my head right now and I'm trying to keep my head. Bottom line is... I love the way I feel when I'm around him. He loves the way he feels when he's around me. The rest is... academic. :) I wish he could go to Indiana with me today. *sigh* ... It'd be a bit of a shock for the family tho... one step at a time, I guess.

Not much of the normal stuff could bring me down today... it'd have to be something major to do that. Keep your fingers crossed. :)


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

More Humor This Morning

Thanks again to OhGizmo!, I found something else I would LOVE to have... but I'm not spending $50 for one like this company claims. I'll take an old watch and make one. Click the link to see what I'm talking about. :)

The NOW Watch - The Most Accurate Time Piece Ever Invented


Please Don't Send Me Flowers

After checking my mail on Yahoo! this morning, I saw this story headline:

New orchid smells like 'sweaty feet'

So... of course I had to read the news story. This part made me truly wonder about people:

The species isn't likely to have any commercial value since its flowers are less than a quarter of an inch wide, but some orchid lovers were so enthused by the news they began planning cross-country trips to see its delicate summer blooms.

"This orchid might not be showy enough to get the masses lined up all the way from San Francisco to see it, but I'm leaving Sunday to go out there to photograph it," said wild orchid expert Paul Martin Brown, who planned to leave Acton, Maine, this weekend to include the orchid in his latest book.

Travelling cross-country to see (and smell) an orchid that smells like sweaty feet. Uhm... i can think of a lot of better things to do with my money and time. But I guess as long as he's doing that he's leaving everyone else's sweaty feet alone, right?


Sunday, July 15, 2007

Old Thing Done New

There is a danger to knowing too much about life. Once you figure it out, it's over. Of course, by that time, you've also figured out how to start it all over again regardless of what you've done to "screw it up" this time. That inherently means that there's no real way to screw it up. There is a story being told and unfolding in the way it is supposed to unfold. The story will be a good one, regardless.

As with any good story, there are times when times are rough. When things are REALLY good, things have to get REALLY bad again before the hero or heroine can, at the last possible moment, swing in and save the day to turn things around in a good way. Is it life imitating art? Art imitating life? Who knows. Maybe they are one in the same.

Last night some friends we've not seen in a long time came to visit and spend the night with us. We watched movies til dawn and talked about old times and new. We discovered new things about ourselves and each other. It was a fantastic time. There are new stories unfolding all around us all the time and they parallel the stories in our own lives. I've been very blessed to be a part of a great story so far. It has had it's thrills and chills. I used to be worried about how the story will end... but I've finally, and quite happily, come again to the understanding that I don't need to know... it will work out the way it always has ... for the best for everyone.

I just watched MouseHunt. I've not seen that movie in a LONG time. It's a great little movie and has a definite surprise ending. It's really not too surprising if you consider what the story was about to begin with. It all becomes tied together again in a nice, neat little package and all those involved in the great drama discover that when they let life's story unfold and play the roles they were meant to play... it all works out in the end. As my grandmother was fond of saying, "It'll all come out in the wash."

I know I'm being a little vague here. It is deference to those involved. The point of what I am saying is this. When things look bad... it's because they are. But they are bad for a reason... so that they can get good again. It may seem simplistic. It may seem ridiculous. It may even seem like it's traveling in circles. But the truth is, it is a way of getting from one story point to the next. It is how we learn.

To all my friends that have been involved in the story of my life... I am grateful and thankful for the roles you have played. Our rewards will all be just as they are meant to be. I hope that my role in your life's stories is as sweet to you as yours is to me.


Saturday, July 14, 2007

NetGear can kiss my ass!

So... yesterday we had problems with our NetGear router. It just... stopped. No lights... just a power light taunting us. So I looked for the receipt for about an hour and then finally decided to just take it back and see if they could figure out whether it was still under warranty. It was. Yay! Manufacturer's warranty was still in effect. But they didn't have the same model so I had to drive all the way across town to another BestBuy that did have one.

So I finally get home and get it set up and everything's gravy for about.... oh.... 15 minutes. Then it starts screwing up. For the next 3 hours, I wrestled with this thing to no avail. I figured, screw it... I'm going to bed.

I got up this morning and felt the need to try to get it working before I left for work. I managed to get it going. According to Twink, it was working all day. But when I got home, everything was screwed. So, I started working on it again. After about an hour, I called Netgear support. USELESS! He actually tried to convince me that the problem was the firewall on Twink's computer. Yeah... like her firewall is causing the entire network to go down... okay. To make a much longer story a little shorter... the guy didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. I eventually determined this and chose to disconnect it completely.

This has led, of course, to MUCH drama in the house. That's when I remembered that our VoIP device is also a wireless broadband router. So... about 30 minutes later... and Voila!... wireless access again. Yay!

NetGear sucks people. And now I have to go return the aggravation Twink's son is giving me... I've been typing this for over an hour now and finally finished it.


Friday, July 13, 2007

Okay fine... if that's how you want it.

A while ago I blogged about the new royalties that Internet Radio broadcasters will have to pay as of July 15th if the new Internet Radio Equality Act doesn't get passed. I began to do as most others were doing which is to weep and plead for SoundExchange to be fair and cried foul play, foul play.

Well, since the government isn't listening, doesn't care, and since SoundExchange and RIAA are greedy little bastards... I say fine... have it your way you pricks. I say let ALL the internet web broadcasters pull together and truly shut down. Just as the "Day of Silence" affected the nation by prompting so many to call... what if all internet broadcasters shut down without saying they'd be back? What if there was no end in sight? What would the people do then? Would they learn to live without it or would they cry out in one voice to say, "We want our internet radio back!" What if there was a boycott of the artists that SoundExchange and the RIAA represent? What if we all said, "We will not support you or our artists anymore until you learn to share and stop being so greedy." What would happen then?

Maybe that's what needs to happen. After all, we never miss something until it's gone. There is the possibility that we won't miss it, that's for sure. There are some things I don't have any more that I don't miss. But there are some things I do miss and would do anything to have back again.

I think if the artists that are being represented by the RIAA and SoundExchange were hit in the same place they're hitting the webcasters (the pocketbook), they might find out that it's not worth losing after all and to quit bitching and moaning.

Okay... yeah... right now I'm the one bitching and moaning. :-P Well, maybe it'd just be nice to hear someone play music for the love of playing it just once again without wanting/needing to make a buck off of it.

:: wanders off mumbling to herself ::

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Well, here we go again.

Last night when I got home from work I was feeling great. I was motivated to make some changes in my life, start taking better care of the house and myself and be good to the people I care about (including myself).

Twink and I chatted some... and it was all good. We both acknowledged that we definitely share a bond; a deeper friendship than any other we've ever known, and that we both knew that the house and what we are doing there was not our final destinations. We agreed to be there for each other to help each other through the transition back into normal daily lives.

After dinner, I had planned to stay home and watch some TV. Twink decided she wanted to go to Southern Nights. She asked if I wanted to come along and I said sure. That was my first mistake. It wasn't that I shouldn't hang out with her... it was the reason I was going. It's the same old story.

Well, to make a long story short, although there were MANY high points of the evening (which I hope we can make come true), I apparently allowed myself to drink WAY more than I ever have or ever should have. I puked in the club, in the parking lot, out the car window (all over her car, which I cleaned this morning), and back at home. I fell out... FELL out... of the car in front of her 15-year old son. I made a horseth asseth of myself and am paying for it dearly this morning. How could I ever expect to show what being a "grown-up" is to someone when I can't do it myself?

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself and I should acknowledge the fact that people make mistakes. I'm getting too old for these kinds of mistakes, tho. It's clearly the result of depression and I seriously need to find a way out of it. I've been depressed for a VERY long time now and have tried everything I can think of to change that. I think I know what to do about it... but it's just not fair that it has to be this way.

I love Twink to death. She knows herself very well, knows exactly who she is, what she can and can not do. I used to be that way... until I met her. Is that her fault? Nope. It's mine. I love her... but I don't love who I become when I'm around her in certain situations.

So, given that understanding, I must do what any responsible adult would do and that is to stand up and face the music I have written. I am making a commitment to myself to change before it's too late. If I don't take responsibility for my actions, why should I expect anyone else to?

I guess I had to sink a little more for it to sink in. Now if the aspirin would just sink in I'd be fine.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

For Your Amusement... :)

Okay folks... I've preached today but I've not given ya anything fun yet... so here it is.

The show is called "Sweeny Todd"

It's about a barber that was wrongfully accused and sentenced to life imprisonment in Australia (the setting is back when Australia was a prison colony for England). The man had a beautiful wife and daughter but the local constabulary (the judge) took a fancy to his wife and simply had to have her for his own. Well, madness set in on the judge and he decided that brute force was the best means to do his dirty work. He trumped up charges against the barber and sent him away.

Now, with the barber out of the way, he was free to make his move on the barber's wife. But she was so in love with the barber and so unaware of the judge's true plans, that when she did find out she went crazy. At that point, she was no longer the woman the judge coveted so much (imagine that) and so he threw her out on the streets but kept the barber's daughter as his ward.

18 years pass and the barber finally gets away by sneaking aboard a ship and makes his way back home to London. There he finds the city is in crisis. People are very poor, his happy home no longer exists, he learns that his wife killed herself (which she didn't) and that his daughter is the ward of the very judge that put him away. The barber is now incensed and hell-bent for revenge. But how?

He meets a woman (Mrs. Lovett) who owns a pie shop. It's a meat-pie shop and she's not doing well with the meat shortage the way it is. She remembers him and divulges that she know who he is. She always had a crush on him but never made her love for him known. She is not faultless in continuing the charade for she's the one that tells him that his wife is dead (even though she isn't). But she recognizes a good thing when she sees it.

Now... the barber finally decides that he will get his revenge but he must assume a new identity and get a thriving business going before he can exact his revenge. He does this by setting up a barber shop above Mrs. Lovett's shop. He then enters a contest with the best barber in town and beats him. This means great potential for him... but the other barber recognizes him too and threatens to expose him if he doesn't leave. Oh what to do?

Yes... obviously when one's livelihood is threatened, they meet that livelihood head on and do what they must... so Sweeny Todd killed the other barber. At this point, he and Mrs. Lovett are trying to work out what to do. Mr. Todd's business is sure to be booming now that all of the other barbers' clients will need to go somewhere else. But what about the other barber's body? Well it must be disposed of... somehow. That's when Mrs. Lovett gets her sublime idea. Click the video below to see what she comes up with. :)

Are they not, truly, a perfect match for each other? *evil grin* It is truly a FABULOUS musical from beginning to end and I recommend it for anyone and everyone. If it comes to your town, go see it... cuz it's MUCH better live... with props and everything. :)


What Matters

"You don't get it. I've won. It's over. You don't matter! In a few seconds you won't even be matter!" -- Eggar from MIB

What mattered to the bug in MIB was it's family. Did it really care what the humans thought? Nope. Did it really care whether they were going to survive? Nope. It was offered the opportunity for it's family to survive and it did everything in it's power to make that happen. That's dedication to family. Can I admire it's dedication? Absolutely. Would I have stopped it from doing what it was trying to do? Absolutely.

See, the one thing the bug didn't get was the overall balance of nature. That to sacrifice the humans so that the bugs can live only makes the bugs more of a target. Okay, yeah, I know... this is getting a little silly ... it's just a movie, right? Well maybe it is and maybe there's more to it than what we thought.

War produces more war. Hate produces more hate. Jealousy produces more jealousy.

Peace produces more peace. Love produces more love. Unity produces more unity.

Why do we have to fight over things and make it a competition? LOL... the answer to that is easy... "It's how we've always done it!" Wheee! Gee, that's a good reason. I know, if it ain't broke don't fix it. If it works the way it is, why change it? But see, these are just euphemisms for continuing a behavior that eventually will destroy us all. Because the one that continues to look out for ways to protect their own without considering the consequences of their actions will eventually become the victim of someone else looking out for their own. It's called segregation, compartmentalization, delineation... separation.

Is there a better way? Absolutely!

How about working together. Accepting that no one's worth is any less than anyone else's worth. That what one person brings to the community is no greater and no less than what another brings? Without everyone's contribution, we are less that what we were. With everyone together, we become more. It's called letting go of self and letting a greater good take hold. Each person gets their own limelight and no-one's limelight shines brighter than another's. And when we all hold hands together and work together... we make something even greater be able to take shape, wake up, and move mountains. :)

So ask yourself from now on... who benefits from what I am doing? Is it good for everyone or just my family... just my spouse.... just my friends... just me?

:: steps off the soapbox ::


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Good Times Again

Today was Rob's birthday and since he had no plans with any of his circle of friends, we got the chance to go out and enjoy the evening together. It was a lot of fun again. :) We started by going out to Cafe Tu-Tu Tango's for dinner. I've always wanted to go there but hadn't until tonite. It's a tapas bar that serves nothing but appetizers. So we ordered about 10 appetizers and pigged out. :) Good food! And great atmosphere. The place is decorated with artwork by local artists and they make all the artwork available for sale to the patrons. See something you like? There's a price tag on it. I don't know if you can haggle them down or not... I didn't see anything I absolutely had to have, after all.

After dinner, we went to see Transformers. What a fun movie! It's what a summer blockbuster epic movie is supposed to be, that's for sure! Definitely worth the trip to the theatre.

For me, it was more than just a fun night out, though. It was another in a series of steps of getting myself to the point where I'm no longer stressing out over the things I have no control over. It's another step toward getting through the pain and torture I had created for myself. People who have been there know what I'm talking about it. It's that moment when you say to yourself, "Getting all worked up over all this shit just isn't worth it. I know what I want to do and what I need to do... I'm tired of waiting to see if it's okay with the rest of the world for me to just go ahead and do it."

So begins a new chapter of stress-free living. I'm glad for this. It was good to go out and hang out with my old flame and not deal with the he-said/she-said, he-did/she-did bullshit. We were just two people out enjoying some time together, sharing experiences again. *contented sigh*. I think I could get used to this. :)


The Long Road Ahead

I started taking my hormones again last Saturday. Between that and a "trip" down memory lane Sunday morning, I was pretty well lost in my head all weekend but came out eventually making sense for myself at least. I say I'm making sense again because last night I dilated for the first time in probably over a year. I still managed to get about 5 1/2" of depth but at great pain. This will take some time and patience to recover, but at least all is not lost. :)

It's also been over 48 hours without one FULL, normal cigarette. I still had a few (3) clove cigarettes at work yesterday and also found half a cigarette in my purse while digging for something else. But I didn't buy a pack like I normally would. Hopefully I can keep this momentum going.

There is so much that I want to do and so little time to do it in it seems. Or rather, so much I want to get done. When something doesn't get done, someone is disappointed and I hate disappointing anyone. I can't control whether or not someone gets disappointed though, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I can't change anyone's mood. They have to change it for themselves. How they feel about me, my actions and my life is not my doing... it's just a reaction to my doing. So, I'm going to continue to do for myself the way I feel is right at see what comes from it.

I'm still working out the details of when I want to go home and visit friends and family in Indiana. I made a decent breakthrough with some code at work yesterday. They've been waiting on this new Agent and Agent Receivables code for a few months now and are very much looking forward to it. That's what has been delaying me asking for time to go on vacation. I really want to finish the code first.

Happy Birthday to both Rob and Nyssa who oddly share the same birthday today. What's even more interesting is that Jose is a Libra and I'm a Libra. At least I know that there are those that can make a Libra-to-Cancer and Cancer-to-Libra relationship work. :) Kudos to y'all for that.

Today, I'm starting my morning the BT's This Binary Universe. If you don't have it, I highy suggest it. It's completely different from his other works in that it's not hard-hitting, thumpa-thumpa dance music. This is more thoughtful, thought-provoking music and musical structures arranged in slow, beautiful and melodic patterns that just make me smile and feel at peace with the world around me. Like taking a musical walk through a field of golden grass.

Well, at any rate, I've babbled enough this morning. More later as events unfold.


Friday, July 6, 2007

Cool Image Making Site

A friend at work gave me this link:

Check it out. It let's you create images with any text you want in the same font, style and modeling as the demo pictures. Some of them are words written in the sand, or in a tattoo or in a cup of coffee. It's fun!


Thursday, July 5, 2007

Recovering Lost Sectors

My analogous depiction of life continues in this installment of the diary. Today's analogy? My existence and a hard drive that has crashed.

Well, it's not a bad analogy actually. Consider that in a hard drive there are several platters (thin metal discs that retain positive and negative charges to represent 1s and 0s that, when combined and arranged can be formed to create anything), spinning at anywhere from 5400 to 7200 revolutions per minute mere microns away from heads that read the charges on the disc. If the drive heads get too close to the discs they can disperse and alter arrangement of the charges in such a way that they no longer represent the larger figure they were meant to represent.

Given this, consider the possibility that we too are mere arrangements of charges on a much larger computer system (spiritually). Each of us has a function and purpose when these spiritual read heads crash into us, our configurations (lives, physical features, careers, what-have-you) are almost irrevocably altered and dispersed in much the same way.

Now, if you don't know much about the subject of computers, read on and you will know what I know. But remember, I've suffered a head crash (wheee... take that however you like). These sectors that have been dispersed can be recovered, however they may, or may not, be recoverable in exactly the same way as before. In other words, sometimes you get plain garbage that has to be destroyed. Sometimes, the file descriptor is okay, but the data inside is messed up and you'll have to re-create part of it. That's a best case scenario, to be honest.

I'm glad to announce that the recovery of my lost sectors is going fairly well, IMO. Other applications (other lives) are being used in such a way as to help me recover some of the data I had lost. However, there are some bits (duh) that, at present, can not be recovered.

Twink and I spent the evening of the 3rd and the morning of the 4th at a couple's house who have been good friends to me. I know them both pretty well even if I haven't known them long. Twink knows them both longer than I. They have been going through a VERY rough time in their lives and it was depicted before me in two extremes... they should both be able to balance the other out, however, they are currently acting more like those magnetic dogs that, when put together one way, keep bouncing away from each other. They just can't seem to figure out how to turn around and connect.

The roughness in their lives is affecting their finances, romance, friendships and now their children. This most recent event has driven them further into their corners rather than bring them together (which it should have). I did my best to be a friend to both of them, as did Twink, and alternatively give them reasons to smile or reasons to think about what they're doing. One chose to drown their sorrows in alcohol while the other chose to drown their sorrows in anger. Both were ignoring the solution to the problem and were, instead, focused on blaming the other.

Having the rest of the day to myself, I watched the remainder of Season 2 of Weeds, thought about what my life was like, where it was headed and why, and then fell asleep after a VERY long day.

I woke up at about 3 a.m. and realized that I didn't want to be one who drowned themselves in the sorrows and woes of life and prefer to make the best of what's been given to me. I also do not want to be the one that thinks more about what others think about what I'm doing than what the situation truly calls for. If someone needs help, they should get help and those giving that help should not be worried or concerned that the medicine is too bitter. It's necessary in order to fix the problem and get that person happy, healthy and functioning again.

So finally, I admit that I still do not know 100% where I'm headed or what lies outside of the dimension we are able to perceive. It is like a 2-dimensional being being intersected by a three-dimensional being. From their perspective, they only see the 2-dimensional representation of that 3-dimensional being at the point where the two dimensions intersect. Perhaps this explains ghosts, spirits, angels, and other such phenomena. Perhaps there are 4th dimensional beings intersecting with us and we all only see the three-dimensional representation of them. Maybe we're all from another dimension and only seeing each other's three-dimensional representations. If that is the case, then maybe life IS a drug that inhibits our true senses... and there are some really good and really evil beings out there fighting for the balance of true existence. To keep us from true enlightenment. Ponder that for a while.


Tuesday, July 3, 2007


Okay... I SERIOUSLY can not get enough of this show... it is one of the best shows I've seen on TV in a VERY long time. I've included a couple of clips from the show that are a couple of the more humorous moments... but the overall breadth and depth of the show goes far beyond these titular moments. If you have Showtime and can get On Demand, I suggest you start watching this show as soon as possible. It is vulgar... VERY vulgar (as you're about to find out) but it's very honest, open and real. :)


The Coffee Table

A Boy's Most Important How-To Lesson

Monday, July 2, 2007

Don't believe everything you read

It's been a weird day today.... actually, it's been a bizarre weekend, to be honest. With Twink and Josh in Tennessee, I've had time to myself in the house since Thursday night and there's been quite the strange combination of thoughts and emotions running through my brain.

I won't go into specifics since it typically always boils down to my distrust of my perception of the natural world as it is and yet my continued full immersion within it. Something to "keep me grounded" so to speak (which everyone tells me is a good thing ... yet can I really believe them?). When did I become so paranoid anyway? It's a curious path... belief, trust, devotion, betrayal, distrust, disillusionment, paranoia. It's that freaky place of "okay... WTF can I truly believe in then?"

Example: I was checking out OhGizmo and noticed what looked like a chat window embedded within the page. it was being presented by I paid it no mind to begin with. But then I started reading some of the comments. They were all people bitching about their jobs, how stupid everyone was, how little they got paid, etc. etc. There was a place to enter your initials and enter your comment.

I started seeing comments like "Does this really work?" And then later, "OMG... this really works!" by the same set of initials. And sure enough, I was duped. I put my initials in and said my peace which was "Doesn't anyone do it because they enjoy it anymore or is it all about the benjamins?" There were no replies... just more kvetching. That when the last couple comments were thanking for creating this place for them to vent. Shortly after that, the scrolling stopped. It just stopped... as if millions of pixels cried out in terror ... and were suddenly silenced (blatantly steals line from Jose).

That's when I realized I'd been duped. is a site for people to enter their resume and personal details to hopefully find employment. It was a lure to get people to come to their site and hopefully, while they are there, sign up for the services provides. Kudos to the guys who wrote the code for the fake chat window... it looked convincing enough to get me to chime in. And maybe that's the problem with my life in general... my continual choice to blab about it rather than do anything about it. So, if you'll excuse me... I have work to do.