Sunday, December 16, 2007

Happy Ferret Day

So today Twink and I are heading down to Coconut Creek to adopt a ferret or two. :) This is a happy day for me. It will make up for yesterday, that's for sure. I think I really blew the interview yesterday. I dunno, they seem like a collection of cool cats but I realized that the technology gap that exists is pretty wide. It's not something I can't overcome... but it's gonna take some determination and hard work to get caught up on all that has happened in the world of computers while I was wasting away at GCS. But that aside, like I said, today is a happy day!

Things have felt very peaceful and "right" since the sale of the house. I feel more relaxed and more focused now. I didn't realize how much of my energy was being sucked away by that place and that man. Slowly but surely, I'm getting my life into a more manageable state.

I also get to meet Bill today. Twink has been buying parrotlets from him for a while now and he has another that she's interested in. He's on the way so it's gonna be a cool thing for both of us.

I threw out a ton of shit last night. More still to throw out/give away. Stuff I don't need, stuff I don't want, stuff that means nothing, stuff that brings back bad memories, anything holding me back from the new direction my life is taking. It feels good... cathartic even. Anybody wanna buy a bed?

Anyway, more later.

Sunday, December 9, 2007


Wow... this is going to be a long read... I hope you're sitting comfortably. If so, then I'll begin.

I just woke up about an hour ago after getting some MUCH needed sleep. It's just now 4 a.m. on Sunday. I've been asleep for about 8 hours so I think I'm lucid enough to tell the tale.

Friday Daytime

Friday, after work, Sadao, Brian and I all were to go to Miami for Euphoria Project's Rapture event at the 66 Nightclub. Given the party was to start at 8 pm and it's a long drive, I planned to leave work early so we could get there when the party started. That morning, I couldn't find my badge or the Radixx phone. So I left for work without them, knowing I'd have to come back and find the phone and get it to Darrell at some point (he agreed to swap on-call weekends with me so I could go to the party). I left work at 4 so I could get home and hopefully find the phone and get to him and we could get on the road ASAP. I got home and tore the place apart but could not find either the phone or my badge. Sadao had had a rough night and was ready to get out of Orlando immediately so I figured I was probably just going to end up missing the party since I couldn't leave Radixx in that situation. I needed a cigarette. The box I had was empty and I knew I had another in my bag. I opened my bag and what did I find? Both the phone AND the badge were in there all the time. I even had them at work with me! ARGH!

Friday Evening

Brian ended up staying at home. That's a LONG story filled with drama of ridiculous proportions that I won't get into. Suffice to say, it was just the Crazy Twins that ended up going to the event. Sadao and I took off and went to drop off the phone. We ended up finally getting on the turn pike at around 7. We made pretty good time and made it to the club at about 10:30. The party was scheduled to run from 8 p.m. tpo 10 a.m and was just getting started, so we hadn't missed much.

As we walked around, we started meeting some of the folks there and started checking out the stages. We never DID find the DnB stage, which is a bummer because I really wanted to see Danny Bled. Steven gave me a CD of Danny's a long time ago and I was looking forward to hearing him spin. We ended up spending most of the night up on the roof in the House/Electro/Breaks area. Rabbit and Mad Hatter, Skylab 2000, DJ London, and plenty of others that were just tearing it up on the roof! While we were up there, we met some of the most wonderful people! Angel, who did body/face painting and photography took our picture for the website (hoping to get a copy because it was adorable). Ellie and Kris ran the hookah lounge where we hung out quite a bit... it became our "Safe Zone."

While we there, we saw Monk and Bunny spin in the main room. We also caught the last bit of Divine and emilyPLAY... man that girl can sing! But the highlight of the night was Bunny. Sadao was still somewhat wrapped up in the drama he had experience the night before and Bunny's set just made it all disappear. I took a picture of Sadao during the set which says it all... the look on his face was priceless. I gave the creator (and Bunny) a big thank you for that. The rest of the night was magical. :)

Saturday Morning

After seeing Bunny spin, we were both ready to just chill and hang out with the new friends we had made. So, back up to the roof we went and hung out at the hookah lounge. As the night wore on into the morning, there were a couple of times that they tried to shut down the event... but the place was filled with rebels that kept the part going until 8 a.m. when it was finally shut down about 2 hours earlier than expected.

We stayed a little longer and helped Kris, Ellie and their friends clean up their area and pack their car. As a thank you, they gave us a hookah! Sadao and I were completely stunned and so thankful to them! We hugged and cried and said our goodbyes. Now, at this point, I need to mention that we parked in a secure area across from club Area 51... which is quite a hike from the club we were at. They had shuttles going back and forth from the parking area to the event. Since the party was shut down early and since we had stayed to help clean up, we missed the last shuttle. So, I racked my mangled brain (by this point) to remember the address and we started walking. After doing a big circle, we eventually found the car. Yay! Sadao had driven his van to the event. On the way home, we stopped to put fluids in the van and started the long journey back to Orlando.

Saturday Afternoon

Mile Marker 223 Northbound on the Florida Turnpike. Sadao and I must go back there at some point and have a picture taken of us flipping off that marker. For it was there that the van stopped. We were just 22 miles away from Kissimmee/St. Cloud, 35 miles from Orlando when his car started smoking. We pulled over and what I thought was antifreeze at first, suddenly gave way to the smell of burning oil. Oh boy. I called my dad and he warned me that there might be damage to the engine. We hoped for the best and began walking north. The next service area was only 6 miles away (we thought it was closer but come to find out it wasn't). I was filled with a sense of peace and calm during all of this. I had never experienced something like this. A few years ago, I probably would have been very frightened, upset and angry at all of it. But instead, I kept my wits about me and we started walking. About 3 miles down the way, we were picked up by the State Farm Safety Patrol. He took us the rest of the way to the service area where we got a tow to Serrone's Auto Repair. While we waited for them to diagnose the problem, Sadao and I went to the Rodeo Diner just across the street and put some much needed food in our bellies. Tired, stinky, worried, we ate and kept each others' spirits up. After eating, we went back to hear the report. It wasn't good. It had apparently run so long in an overheated condition that it completely warped the valves and head gasket. The damage? About $1200 to repair.

God Bless Sadao's heart. He was upset but he took it in stride and stayed focused. He called his dad to tell him what had happened. They eventually decided that given the age of the vehicle and the damage, it was better to sell the van to the auto repair shop and look for a new vehicle when he can, later. I called Heather (since she lives 10 minutes away from where we were) and she agreed to give us a lift home.

Saturday Evening

Exhausted, broken and ready to call it a night, we made one last stop to end the evening on a peaceful note. We went to a little smoke shop on University and picked up what we needed to use the hookah. It wasn't long before we had it all figured out and were enjoying some Strawberry flavored tobacco and watching TV as we let the recent events pass by into memory. Then I went to bed.

All in all, I must say that this was a cathartic experience. Sadao and I talked quite a bit and had a wonderful adventure together. I will never forget this weekend. The experience has left me more focused and determined to carve out a better life for myself and those that important to me... those willing to walk the journey with me.

New challenges await. New adventures await. Now it's time to get them started.


Friday, December 7, 2007


Here's a little game that Jose turned me on to. You play the part of a little seed that wants to be an oak tree. You have to figure out how to learn about the different trees and navigate from a desert island to where the oaks are.

Click Here to Play Sprout!


Thursday, December 6, 2007

Lunch and Vespers

Went to lunch today with Jairo, one of my co-workers. He actually bought my lunch too (what a sweetie!). Anyway, we went to this place called Ristorante Italiano (and yes... it was an Italian Restaurant, imagine that) on Lee Vista. Great good!

He ordered their spinach and atrichoke dip as an appetizer and wow... could've made a meal between that and the garlic rolls! It came in a bread bowl and was just tremendous. They basically took the idea that all the chain restaurants had and put an Italian spin on it with garlic and parmesan cheese and carrots too.

The main course was Fettucine Alfredo with Blackened Chicken. YUM! I haven't had blackened chicken in a while. I was reminded of the first time I ever had that. It was at this little restaurant in Indianapolis called "The Jazz Cooker." I don't know if it's still there or not. It was converted from a house into a restaurant. While you ate, from time to time, the jazz musicians would walk around throughout the house playing jazz tunes on horns, flutes, guitars... anything portable, stop at tables and jam for a bit and then keep moving. It was a fun little place. :)

Jairo's a sweetie, I like him a lot. He's also a musician and composer and is working on some new music. I hope someday we finally get the opportunity to sit down and write some music together.

I managed to get one of my other co-workers to swap weekends with me regarding the on-call cell phone which means I have this weekend free now. This means I'm free to go to Miami this weekend with some friends to the Rapture party.

I've been called a party animal with the air of disdain that someone uses when they attempt to create an air of oppression and guilt upon another. I've been labeled and judged for my actions and inactions like the rest of us. I've had some time recently to really think about all this without the influence of another person feeding thoughts and ideas into my head and have come to the realization that I am what I am and it's not a bad thing. I've tried to find a solution to life's problems that suits everyone and have busted my ass doing so. I've given until I had nothing left to give and then I've stolen on top of that.

The truth is that I have learned, now, to accept myself and my likes, hates, wants and needs for what they are. More than that, I'm starting to like them again. I'm beginning to see through the clouds that swept in so quickly and changed my life so drastically and realize that I've done more for others, in general, than most EVER would.

Tooting my own horn here? You betcha. It's my horn, I'll toot it, thank you very much. If you don't want to read it, there are millions of other pages on the internet. Find one.

It's time that I make the changes necessary in my life to ensure my own survival. Others must do the same for themselves as well... but no longer at my expense. I can finally say that I have a friend that will not ask anything of me, will not require anything of me, and will not judge me by his own standards. His only request is that I do what it takes to make myself happy and out of conflict with others.

I will try, one ... last ... time ... to make this happen without injury to anyone (financially or otherwise). But as I have been taught by example to stand up on my own two feet and accept what is mine (including my responsibilities), I know that if I have to be the bad guy, so be it. If your right hand offends you, cut it off that the rest of the body might be saved. It's a VERY old-school way of thinking, but it's kept humans going for centuries.

So with that, I bid y'all a good night. Be good to yourselves and others. Sometimes that means knocking the legs out from under them... and letting your own legs get knocked out from under you, too.


Too Many Forks

They say (yeah, I know... who listens to them anyway) that choices you make in life are forks in the road and that once you choose a path, make the best of it. It would seem that someone's dropped about four dozen forks in my road. That's how it feels. So many choices and trying to pick the one that makes me happy without completely destroying the lives of those I care about is not easy.

I would much rather say "to hell with it" ... sell the house to one of those nuts that buy houses, quit my high stress job, get a mindless job where I can make a modest living, find a nice quiet place I can nest in, get some animals to keep me company without giving me emotional trauma, write some music, play some games, dance and sing, and avoid the ridiculousness of humans altogether. As Max Von Sydow would say, "Kill them all! Let God sort them out!"

It's just a matter of heart-ache. I know my limits, it's not hard to figure that out. But I see heart-ache and suffering around me all the time and can't seem to see the goodness anymore ... or at least VERY rarely. When I try to bandage it and help out, the people I'm helping just keep picking at their wounds and never take the steps necessary to fully heal and get themselves back on their feet again. That's the way it's occurring for me, anyway.

Personally, I have every option in the world available to me. I choose to dwell in the darkness with those trapped there until they figure out that they don't have to stay there. It's frustrating as all hell... but the word I've been given by my inner voice is that it will be worth it and not to give up. Been considering finding the source of that voice and bitch-slapping the shit out of it. :-D It's not that I disagree with the voice, just wish it would shut up so I can think and get something done. :)

Anyway, enough upper-middle-class whining. I put some new tracks on my myspace music player. I'm starting to really hate MP3s tho... I can hear the compression in the music and it's disturbing. It makes me long to hear a live performance of the music with about 10,000 of my favorite perfect strangers. :)

Well, I probably should log off this thing for now and get some work done. More later.


Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Mister In-Between's Got My Balls

My parents first introduced me to this song. It's what's needed today to face the trials of life without losing one's mind. It's not easy to do sometimes. But if we don't, we'll all be lost.

(Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen)

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

(To illustrate his last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark)

Man, they said we better
Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No, do not mess with Mister In-Between
Do you hear me, hmm?

(Oh, listen to me children and-a you will hear
About the elininatin' of the negative
And the accent on the positive)
And gather 'round me children if you're willin'
And sit tight while I start reviewin'
The attitude of doin' right

(You've gotta accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between)

You've got to spread joy (up to the maximum)
Bring gloom (down) down to the minimum
Otherwise (otherwise) pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate (well illustrate) my last remark (you got the floor)
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they say (what did they say)
Say when everything looked so dark

Man, they said we better
Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No! Don't mess with Mister In-Between

Wanna Go To Heaven? $12.95 please.

Okay, I know I'm wasting valuable time here but dammit this was just too damned funny to NOT post.

Click on this link: Reserve A Spot In Heaven

See y'all there. Hope the check doesn't bounce. :)


Follow-Up to the Lawsuit

Back in October, I posted a blog about a police officer that was suing a family for injuries she sustained while on call at their house. (Click here for the original blog entry). Well, there's a follow-up to that story here:

Police officer fired after suing family of near drowning victim

Yes, even though she dropped the lawsuit, they fired her for bringing "public ridicule" to the agency and "damaging it's reputation."

*snort* .. **ahem** .... smirk... giggle....


Sorry, I just have to laugh because I'm tired of crying. They make it sound as if the agency had this spotless, pristine record with the public and that she single-handedly caused the fall of the agency's public image. Uhm... sorry but, in my eyes, any organized group of people that makes an attempt to control a mass collection of life forms is going to look a little foolish from time to time (more often than not, really). I'm sure they were well on their way to a place of ridicule well before she made a
personal choice to make the lawsuit.

It was a
personal choice after all, as they stated before. The agency didn't sue the family... SHE did. Yeah, I'm taking her side on this one. I'm not saying what she did was right... but she did retract the suit, attempted to make peace and now her family is in dire straits for it. Karma? Or perhaps the old adage that "no good deed ever goes unpunished" applies here. I dunno. I just find it extremely frustrating that throughout all of this, they still didn't figure out how to be good to one another. Typical.

I swear... I think the Florida sun bakes people's brains... either that or they've got some good drugs and aren't sharing. Typical again.


Dazed and Confused

So I got an e-mail today from someone who found an old ad of mine on a transgender dating site. I thought I had pulled them all but apparently not. Check this out.
Good Evening Dear Am **** By Name,
A Sexy Looking Girl Single Never Married,Today I Came Accross Your Profile In This Site And I Have Intrest In You Thats Why Am Contacting For Us To Have A Friendship. In A
Short Form Please If You Feel Like We Will Be Friends Fine And Please Mail Me Back So That I Will Forward You My Photos And Introduce My Self To You More,So From There We Will Get To know Each Orther.Mail me With This Email Address (address deleted)
Thanks For i will be waiting to hear from you as soon as Possible.
Big Kisess And Huggs.&**** !

I have some thing good that i will like to share with you, as you Respond to my Mail.
In a short form? Sounds like an application doesn't it? Relationships don't happen this way, dammit. There's no indication of WHAT she might be interested in about me. There's nothing saying much about her other than she's a "sexy looking girl, single and never married." That can describe a LOT of people. Is it really that hard for someone to be real?

*sigh* At any rate, there are other things going on. Like needing to find a new place to live... again. Long story that I won't go into because it hurts the head. But, I can tell you this... I understand what it is that's been bugging me about roommates, lovers, whatevers in general lately.

I know what I'm looking for now. The best description is that of's success. In order for them to succeed, they had to each trust each other and all be on the same page. They took ALL the money they had between them and put it on black on a roulette table in Atlantic City. They took a risk and it paid off... but they took it together. No one held anything back. It was "Vegas or Bust," baby. That's what I'm looking for. Someone (or someones) that won't hold back. Trust, faith, love, hope... all of it.

With my current roommates, sometimes I feel that vibe... sometimes I don't. Given my situation, that makes me about as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Add on to that that time is of the essence. I think what might be a better plan altogether is to find a place I can handle on my own. Then, if they choose to stay with me and help me out, that's great. But if not, I've no need to sweat it. I get overemotional easily (just read a little of my blog and that's plain to see). It's a hard habit to break, unfortunately.

But having realized that the problem isn't an inequity of finances or work or resources or anything like that... but rather an inequity of trust, I understand my nervous feelings now and why I've been stressing out over it. I've been dealing with that for a while: trying to figure out exactly what it is that has gone wrong in relationships and friendships in the past . It's a trust inequity. I've been through the wringer too many times now to put my WHOLE ass on the line with someone not willing to put THEIR whole ass on the line too. So, there it is.

Actions speak louder than words, don't they? So, I guess I need to act for myself and see who follows. Then I'll really know "the truth."


Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Your Scene

So a shout out to DJ Dorrmat who introduced me to the site I'm about to tell ya about. It's called Your Scene. There you'll find links for several different genres of electronic music and mixes posted by various DJs. You can either listen to them online via their streaming server or download the mixes for listening offline. I've added it to my list of links too. Right now I'm listening to a progressive house mix by Allen Richards.

Go check it out. :)


Monday, December 3, 2007

A love so good, it makes you cry.

I guess maybe different people qualify friendship in different ways. I discovered something wonderful this weekend. My beliefs were validated, my actions confirmed and the great distance I have traveled in my life's path has been worth all the emotional and spiritual pain I've put myself through.

The details are extremely personal and I will keep them to myself. But I'm here to say that last night, someone saved my life... figuratively and quite literally. Two someone's actually. I've been walking... nay, running actually down a path that has been so self-destructive from feeling of worthlessness that I simply couldn't get past. They culminated and came together this weekend in ways that I never expected.

Many others have given up on me in the past. I was a lost cause, a total screw-up with no future down the path I was going. Well this weekend I fell... and fell hard. But I was caught in the nick of time.

I know this is kinda vague but like I said, the details are very personal. I hold no grudges against those who, in my opinion, had given up on me in the past. I understand their reasons and I know their strength was not enough (or needed elsewhere) to go the distance with me. I am thankful there were those who could though.

My heart knows the true meaning of love and friendship again. Moreso than ever before. Peace, y'all. And be GOOD to each other.

Someone Saved My Life Tonight
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy

When I think of those east end lights, muggy nights
The curtains drawn in the little room downstairs
Prima donna lord you really should have been there
Sitting like a princess perched in her electric chair
And its one more beer and I dont hear you anymore
Weve all gone crazy lately
My friends out there rolling round the basement floor

And someone saved my life tonight sugar bear
You almost had your hooks in me didnt you dear
You nearly had me roped and tied
Altar-bound, hypnotized
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
Youre a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye

I never realised the passing hours of evening showers
A slip noose hanging in my darkest dreams
Im strangled by your haunted social scene
Just a pawn out-played by a dominating queen
Its four oclock in the morning
Damn it listen to me good
Im sleeping with myself tonight
Saved in time, thank God my musics still alive

And I would have walked head on into the deep end of the river
Clinging to your stocks and bonds
Paying your h.p. demands forever
Theyre coming in the morning with a truck to take me home
Someone saved my life tonight, someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight, someone saved my life tonight
Someone saved my life tonight
So save your strength and run the field you play alone