Thursday, September 27, 2007

Pass the Pretzels Please?

So the day is here. I'm 38. Yay. Another year has passed since my mother forcefully evicted me from my first apartment. It's okay tho, the accommodations were a bit cramped. Crazy things this week... of course I've already talked about Tim so we'll move past that.

I got in touch with Cheryl again! YAY! That was a real high point for me. I have missed her something fierce! I might be going to Necronomicon on Sunday of next week to see her. I was going to go for the weekend, however I forgot I have role-playing that weekend. I swear, I need a keeper... perhaps a trapper-keeper... I wonder if my mom still has my old one from school. At any rate, we're definitely making plans to see each other again before long.

Yesterday they laid off 11 people at work. Two of them were lunch buddies of mine. Why? Budget issues. Well, this just makes EVERYONE feel so comfortable now, doesn't it? *sigh* ... They tried to assuage everyone's fears but... I think the time has come to be VERY prepared. They said we're still getting paid on Monday. Uhm... was this in question? Why did they bring that up? Are subsequent checks in question? Sometimes, things are just better left unsaid.

I got flowers at work today from "my buddies on the Enterprise team" for my birthday. :) That was sweet. They're very nice flowers, too. I hope I can keep them looking nice for a while.

Tonite I'm going out with a friend and probably going to have a few drinks. I've already warned my employer that I may not be in right away in the morning... so things should be okay there.

I got a very nice card from my mother for my birthday. It was very sweet. Other than that, not much else to report. Still keeping my head above water and trying to keep up with the craziness in my life without getting too stressed out over all of it. Sometimes that's easier said than done. Sometimes, it's just better not even said. :)


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A chat with Tim's mom

So yesterday, I was pretty much a complete mess. I tried to get in touch with everyone that I knew that knew Tim that might not have known of his passing. I also wanted to get in touch with Cheryl and Tim's mom... but I didn't have phone numbers for either of them. I lucked into getting Susan's number and was finally able to get in touch with her. We talked for quite a while last night and hearing her voice and sharing memories was very good for us. She had wanted to get in touch with me but didn't know how. Although the circumstances of my learning of his death were odd, I am thankful that it happened because it's taught me that friendships should never be severed over petty bullshit in this life.

Going to try to get some work done today and also contact Cheryl later tonite, if I can find her.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Tim the Incorrigible (Do Not Corrige!)

Today started out as most any other day. I went to work and started to look at some code, logged in to my instant messenger and caught up with some friends. While I was talking with one very good friend from my days in Sarasota, we began to reminisce and fondly recalled memories of people we hadn't seen in a long time. As my mind went down these winding ways, I remembered a friend from my past named Tim Thielen. When I met him, he was 19 years old and was starting at the company I worked for. He was a grade-A kook and I knew we were going to become good friends.

Over the time living in Sarasota, I really got to know him pretty well... so well that at one point Rob and I invited him to come and live with us. Life was never easy for Tim during those times but he took it in stride and always had a way of cheering me up. It wasn't all peaches and cream, mind you. You really get to know someone when you live with them. Ask anyone that's lived with me.... they'll tell you and I won't deny any of it.

At any rate, Tim and I became fast friends. He was the only one that could beat me at Command & Conquer and Red Alert. We would sit and play that for hours on end just enjoying trying to find ways to outsmart the other... a glorified chess game, if you will.

After about a year of living together, Tim left for Orlando while Rob and I remained in Sarasota. During that time, unbeknownst to us, he
had run into financial problems that left him hungry and sometimes homeless. His starvation led to intense weight loss which led to diabetes. When we did reconnect with him and learned about what happened, we were sad but glad to know that he was taking his meds and doing what he could to keep himself going. He wasn't a quitter... even though I remember I time where he was about ready to... he never gave up.

Today, while searching for him, I was startled to find out that he passed away quite suddenly on September 1st of this year. I was stunned, shocked and cried for about 2 hours straight with more tears later as I called mutual friends that I figured had also not heard the sad news. I had lost contact with Tim for some time. I knew that he and another mutual friend, Cheryl, would almost always regularly go to the Oasis convention here in Orlando. I had hoped that I would see them again next year as I plan to attend it for the first time next year. To find out from the internet that a friend of mine, someone I'd shared a part of my life with was no longer around to say, "Hey... I love you." too... it shook me to the core.

After a while, I knew I wasn't going to be able to function at work anymore and asked to leave. On my way home, I saw a big beautiful rainbow in the sky. I started to cry again and said, "Hi TIm... I miss you too, honey."

Tim was 32 when he died. Tim taught me a lot. In his passing he taught me to remember that life is short and precious. Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Life is both too short AND too long to hold grudges and bad feelings toward one another. Please... if there's someone you love .,.,. or several someones... reach out to them as soon as you can and let them know they are loved.


We had a short time together. I never got the chance to say thank you for being in my life. Thank you for challenging me when I needed to be challenged. Thank you for bringing love and laughter into my life in such beautiful abundance. I am forever changed after meeting you, living, loving, laughing and dancing with you. I will see you again someday, I know, and I look forward to that day. Until then... see if you can work out some new techniques at C&C... cuz we're going to play again one day. You are very much loved and missed.

Love Always,

Click the link below to see this entry with a few pictures of Tim, and those of us who knew him.

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This was a quick candid shot of Cheryl and Tim on the couch shortly after Rob, Tim and I had moved in. I'm not sure what it was Cheryl was trying to do... but it tickled us all when we saw the picture!

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Rob, Cheryl and Tim at the apartment.

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What a cutie-pie!

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And such a pretty smile!

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And obviously happy... ;)

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Cheryl, Tim and I at IHOP.

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... ... ...

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You will be missed... :(

Life's Little Tests

Well, as you probably know, they get bigger the older you get. Life puts us through these tests to teach us what we need to know to make it through life. This morning comes without sleep... but I gladly traded the sleep for a good night with a good friend. I'm not sure why we sometimes need to take these tests over and over again. Sometimes we find clever ways to get around these tests (or so we think) but God and nature know a little more about us than we think... and I'm thankful for that.

I'm not saying things are perfect. Hopefully, they won't be for a long time. Because when things are perfect, life's done ... and it's just starting to get interesting and fun again. Today is going to suck at work... but that's just fine... I'm manage.

BTW... if you haven't seen it, find a copy of Jose Ferer's Cyrano De Bergerac. *sigh* Love you, dad.


P.S. Just a note for anyone out there that may choose to interfere with my life, my true friends or my family in any way again... I submit this excerpt from a track by Disturbed:

I'm no slave
Are you feeling brave?
Or have you gone out of your mind?
No more games
It won't feel the same
If I hold my anger inside
There's no meaning
My soul is bleeding
I've had enough of your kind
One suggestion, use your discretion
Before you label me blind

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive

Monday, September 24, 2007

Chemistry of a Car Crash

This one is part of the soundtrack of my life. Hopefully it's a classic and a not-soon-to-be-repeated track. :)

Chemistry Of A Car Crash by Shiny Toy Guns

"Chemistry Of A Car Crash"
Shiny Toy Guns

You're waking up a part of me I've never known
And I've never felt so invincible
What took you so far away?

You're lost for tonight again. That's
What you wanted? Your arms to
Your side again.

Just take away the words I say cause I know
That you don't feel the same
Just go and say what's in your head
And I won't try
To stop you

You hold the rights I'll never own
And I've never felt so alien
Don't tear us apart again

What is the user of it? We're OK :)
It's Nothing...
It's all chemistry of a car crash.

And I won't try so you'll stay
This time I won't try
And I won't change
This time I won't try
To stop you.


Yeah... It's like that, y'all.

World Hold On - Bob Sinclair

Oh yeah, yeah…
Open up your heart, what do you feel
Open up your heart, what do you feel… is real

The big bang may be a million years away
But I can’t think of a better time to say

World, hold on
Instead of messing with our future, open up inside
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

World, hold on
Instead of messing with our future
Tell me no more lies
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Children of the sky…
Children of the sky…

Look inside, you’ll find a deeper love
The kind that only comes from high above

If you ever meet your inner child, don’t cry
World Hold On Lyrics on
Tell them everything is gonna be alright

World, hold on
Instead of messing with our future, open up inside
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Children of the sky… alright
Open up your heart
Tell me, how do you feel

Listen now, tell them everything, right here right now
Alright, everybody, here in the world
You are all the children, alright

Together now, unite, and fight… oooh
Open up you heart, no, peace, love for everyone

Oh, no no no no no, alright, to the four corners of the world
Sing it loud, sing it loud, sing it loud loud loud
world hold on on

sing it loud, sing it proud
everybody, yeah yeah yeah yeah, oooh
Don’t take no for an answer, no no, not today

Right here,spread love, everybody join together now
One [race], one heart, love and unity, everybody sing

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Would you like sauce with that?

A friend sent this article to me:
A Denver man who witnesses say ripped the head off a tame duck that lived in a pond in a hotel lobby is under arrest in St. Paul.A police officer said that Scott Clark, a guest at the Embassy Suites hotel, cornered the duck early Saturday, ripped its head off and turned to onlookers and said: "I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat it.""He was allegedly drunk," St. Paul police Sgt. John Wuorinen said.

He's being held on suspicion of felony animal cruelty. If convicted he could face up to two years in prison and be fined $5,000. He is scheduled to appear in court Monday to be charged.A humane society official called the incident "unconscionable," but also criticizes the hotel for keeping live ducks in the lobby."I think Embassy Suites needs to take another look at this and review how they keep ducks safe, or use fish like most hotels would use," said Tim Shields. "This sort of behavior by someone is very troubling. Someone who would attack a duck in a public place like that, an animal in a public place like that, supposedly announce they're going to eat it is a pretty serious matter. And in fact, in Minnesota it would be a felony."
Uhm... so... eating meat in Minnesota is a felony? Doesn't anyone else see the rampant hypocrisy in this world of ours? The hotel needs to review how they keep ducks safe?! Is that the job of the hotel?? Oof... I seriously do not understand this world sometimes. Granted the man was off his nut, but .... *sigh* ... I dunno... can't we all just get along? 2 years in prison and 5 grand for killing... a duck. To some of the people I used to hang with, this man would be a hero (shoutin' out at the Albritton clan... HOLLA!). I just don't get it.

Ya know, when Ghandi was asked what he thought about Western Civilization... he said
"I think it would be a nice idea."


The weekend

Recap! Starting from Thursday:

So, Thursday night I went to this art exhibit downtown at the Cityarts Factory on Orange. It was really neat... I felt very underdressed tho.... lol. There were several exhibits there in addition to the one I went to see. I went with Brian. He really needed to get out for a while. After the exhibit, we went to eat at the Pita Pit and then Eye Spy downtown. It was fun! Had a great time and ended up walking back to the car in the rain... I like rain tho.

The rest of that night could've been better. I won't get into because it's not important anymore... suffice to say that I allowed myself to get hurt again by someone who's very artful at it... and yet I still give a shit about him. How do I find them?

Friday night, I spent time with the same guy I just mentioned. I was asked out by someone else that night who then never called me to firm things up... so I chose to hang out with the asshole from the last paragraph. A lonely mistake, basically. I can certainly not judge someone else for making the same mistakes that I make and have made... but I can try to shed some light on what to accept and what not to... at least from my own perspective. Listen if you want... otherwise make up your own mind and be happy about it. :)

Saturday... well, this is where it got interesting. I signed up for thanks to Jose and started looking at their conventions. There was one, in October, that was looking for volunteers. It's Screamfest '07 here in Orlando. It's a horror fan convention! Anyway, I filled out their small application and sent it in... hopeful... but not thinking much about it, really.

Later that night, I was at the Drop Shop spinning some records and I got a call from the guy that runs security for the convention. He said I was the only one that filled out the application correctly! Heh. We talked for about 15 minutes about what it means to work a con and what's involved, etc. and he was apparently quite happy with my responses because he sent me a "Welcome To The Team" e-mail the next day! W00t!! So, looks like I'll be hangin' with the ghoulies and gremlins in mid October. :) FUN!

Sunday went by fairly unceremoniously. That night, I went to the P*House and danced my tushie off again. A friend from work joined me there and we had a blast. I also got to meet a girl that had completed transition who lives in Deltona. I say girl but she's a woman through and through. Very timid and shy tho and she was fascinated by my energy that night. It was great tho... I think I made a new friend there. My other friends left me there without saying goodbye (not the guy from work but someone else) and some other guy tried to all up in my business... telling me how
fine I was and how he was going to make me his woman and all that bullshit. So I played with that for a little bit until he was crossing the line and then told him to piss off. Wasn't trying to be mean but I felt that I had established what I was willing to deal with and what I wasn't from the get go. He couldn't handle that apparently, so... whatever.

All in all, another rollercoaster weekend. If nothing else, at least I got the chance to dance and have fun and be me again. I miss that. Plus the whole convention thing looks fun... total geek mode there. ;)


Friday, September 21, 2007

Art, Food, Fun and Dumbass

So, last night I went to this art exhibit downtown at the Cityarts Factory on Orange. It was really neat... I felt very underdressed tho.... lol. There were several exhibits there in addition to the one I went to see. I went with Brian. He really needed to get out for a while. After the exhibit, we went to eat at the Pita Pit and then Eye Spy downtown. It was fun! Had a great time and ended up walking back to the car in the rain... I like rain tho.

I picked Brian up at Boardwalk Bowl where Sadao works. The two of them are roommates. After our fun downtown, I took him back there to pick up his car and met Sadao just as he was getting off work. Sadao was manic, stressed out and uptight. I told him to come over and sit with us. He sat on my lap and I started giving him a friendly back massage. He started telling me about the knots in his back and so I offered to give him a full back rub some time. So then he tells me has has to get one from a professional.

Uhm... okay. Why? That's what I was thinking anyway. So I gently lifted him off my lap and said, "Fine." He asked if I was mad at him... I said, "No... I'm disappointed." He said, "In me?" I said "No." Then I explained. I said, "It's the same type of disappointment one gets when there's something they want to do... or some place they want to go... and then find out they can't do it or cant' go there." But it's not about him specifically. Just the same disappointment I get a lot in my life. No biggie... I'm used to it now.

I figured out my revenge tho. :) The next time he makes a bracelet for me... I'm going to tell him that I've decided to only take bracelets from those who make them professionally. ;) Payback's a bitch.

Overall, it was a good night, tho. Had a good time downtown and I wanna go back to Eye Spy when there's more people there.

*** hours pass ***

So I told him about the bracelets.... he wasn't too happy with what I said but ya know what... I think he understands how I felt now. Maybe... he told me I was being too sensitive. La la la... he's known me long enough now to know what I'm like ... I'm beginning to think he just enjoys pushing my buttons. Well, two can play that game. :)

And it's apparently feast or famine with me still... Jairo asked me what I was doing tonite. He even said that he's not dating girls anymore but that he would make an exception for me. Said he would call me tonight. I'm not holding my breath tho. We'll see.

At any rate, I need to get some work done. Later.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

DC Comics Has Lost Their Minds


So, a couple days ago I posted about SUPERMAN: DOOMSDAY. Before i get too much into this... let me describe my experience with this story.

When I first heard about this story, I saw the novelization by Roger Stern in a book store. I was curious about it and picked it up. Read it from cover to cover and let my mind imagine everything as I soaked in the pages. I was hooked! I had to read the comics now. So I searched high and low until I found "The Death of Superman," "A World Without a Superman," and "The Return of Superman." All three of these are thick bound comics containing all the original content from the various series that covered the death and return of Supes. I finally got to see the visual representations of the story I had fallen in love with. I would let my mind wander about how great a trilogy of live-action motion pictures would be that were devoted to this story. Then, I heard about this DVD.

So last night, I bought the DVD... a copy for me and a copy for Josh since I figured he'd be into it. I watched my copy last night. All I can say is... what a WASTE of money for my expectations! Allow me to list them:

1) LexCorp released Doomsday. Uhm... no, LexCorp had nothing to do with it.
2) Doomsday was in a "prison capsule" from an alien race, was not bound within it and broke out of his capsule easily. This is also inconsistent as Doomsday had to WORK at getting out of his imprisonment and was bound for sometime afterwards.
3) The JLA made NO appearance within the animated work. In the books, the JLA was what kept him busy until Superman could get to him.
4) Lois had no clue that Superman was Clark Kent. Nope, in the books, they knew.
5) Jonathan Kent was already passed away and Lois and Martha never interacted. Also false.
6) After Superman's death, Lex Luthor cloned a full-size Superman. No No No! Lex was always a day late and a dollar short with Supes. Superman's clone was a boy and was made by the Cadmus project.
7) No appearance whatsoever of any other DC comics characters at the funeral.
8) Supergirl was nowhere to be found.
9) No Eradicator, no Superboy, no Hank Henshaw Cyborg, no John Henry Irons (Man of Steele), No Mongul, No Warworld.
10) Lex Luthor made a pass at Lois Lane. WTF?!

I could go on... but what's the point. I sat in sheer horror and disbelief at what I was watching. The magnitude of the changes to the storyline were staggering. The ONLY thing that was consistent was some of the fight between Supes and Doomsday. It just goes to show that you shouldn't tamper with what is already perfect. I don't know what the writers were thinking when they made this piece of crap... but they obviously weren't interested in telling the story... they were only interested in making money from The Death of Superman property. Well congratulations boys... you did it. Next time, I'll know better.

"Mmm.. mm.mmmm. I wish I had four hands so I give those titties FOUR THUMBS DOWN!" - Dave Chapelle as Rick James.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Meaningless, Goofy, Silly, Fun

Ya know, it's been a while since I experienced what I call "guilt-free living." It where you do what you want to do because you're not hurting anyone in the process and usually are making people smile instead. I've been reminded what that was like a couple times this weekend. It's somewhere I need to get back to in my own personal life and professional life.

I went out to the P*House last night. No cover, so that's always good. I had a great time dancing my ass off, watched a drag show that I'm glad I saw. Most of the performers were doing their typical "show-off-every-possible-inch-of-my-body-that-I-can-get-away-with-to-some-sexy-track" performance... but one, Nikki Adams, an OLD-school drag performer, came out in an absolutely gorgeous dress, era late 1800s early 1900s, with one of those beautiful hand-held mardi-gras masks, alabaster makeup with a heart beauty mark... very classy and beautiful. Had to tip her, she brought back memories of a great time in my life.

After that, I went back to the dance floor and happened to meet up with some old friends, including someone (Jason) that I hadn't seen in YEARS. That's when the ass-slapping started. Heh. He slapped my left cheek pretty hard. I was standing next to my friend Jay who asked if the other cheek was jealous now. I winked and said, "Well, yeah!" So he slapped the other side. I was doin' good by then (amazing what a good ass slap will do for ya). But then Jason had to come along and smack me again. That's when I made my mistake. I told him that Jay did it better.

Well, I made the mistake of turning my back to Jason, talking to Jay. Just as I was getting ready to turn away, Jason comes up to give me an ass-beating the likes of which WOULD have been fabulous, had I not turned ever so slightly enough that when he made contact, he hit square in the middle, right on the bone. OW!!! Still feeling the results of that!

But otherwise, it was a fun night. No drama, no bullshit, no worries. Just fun. I live for those moments now and treasure them when they come. I may be single, I may be lonely sometimes... but with good friends that will dance, sing, love and laugh with you... what more could you possibly want?


Thursday, September 13, 2007



Nyssa has officially become my hero today sending me more Whose Line Is It Anyway clips than I can stand. But this one took the cake. You HAVE to see this one.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Feeling Better

So, I'm feeling better now. My illness is starting to subside. One of the meds the doc gave me on Friday caused an allergic reaction and my nose blew up to one and a half times it's size, became red, cracked and just generally awful. It was Nasonex. Now... I suppose it's possible that it may have had to do with the application of it. It's entirely possible that I somehow shot the juice straight through some pores... but then there's no real telling. Regardless, once I stopped taking that, it started to calm down. It's not 100% yet, but better.

I've managed to whittle away a little more of my debt and I think I have a new solution to an old problem that's been causing me some grief. Gonna try it out.

Other than that, I finally got the shower in my bathroom cleaned up. It was AWFUL. I never used it (and I think the last time it was used was about a million years ago). A friend of Josh's is supposed to come over tonight to tear a hole in the wall and fix the plumbing problem with the shower. Between that, finishing up the mold/mildew removal and making sure there are no leaks in the shower, I'll be busy for a while. After that, there's the floors in both bathrooms, the floor in the laundry room, a couple of doors to replace, painting and landscaping. I think once those things are done, we'll be a lot closer to getting the house completely ready to sell. Of course, it will be great and we won't want to leave then... but it's time to stop spinning our wheels and move forward. I'll never find my own place in this life/world if I stay in the situation I'm in now. One day at a time, one step at a time, until we're fully up to speed.

In the romance department, I was very irritated with a certain someone. Not getting into details here but let's just say we were on different pages and I think (hope?) we're finally on the same page now.

I finally made peace with myself over my part of what happened between me and Rob. I can now say that I fully understand what it takes to be a supportive and loving spouse/partner now. I hope that Rob finds someone that can be the person he wanted me to be. Someone who he can laugh, dance, sing and love with for now and through eternity. Someone who will see him through God's eyes. He deserves it... he's a good man.

I'm thinking about finding a church to go to. I haven't been a church-goer in a long time but it seems like a good step for me. But, it has to be one where the spirit of Love is there and binds the people together ... not one that is there to worship a figurehead of what Love is or one that is there for show... a true community of Love is what I'm looking for. Not physical love, not love of money, ideas, fame, talent, etc. Love for each other. Companionship, cooperation, and community. These are what I'm looking for. People who celebrate the ideas of Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and Birthdays every day of the year. People who recognize the differences and similarities between each other and yet let neither of these divide them from the spirit of Love. People who would just as soon step up to help you out as they would their own kin. This is what I'm after. To be part of that again would be a wonderful thing.

You can tell if the church is like that when you walk in. You can see whether the people truly know and care about each other... or whether they're there for show and tell. You can tell if the church is there just to pay the bills ... or if wouldn't matter if they had a building or just a patch of dirt to congregate in. You'll know.

So, having said all that and catching people up, I'm going to try to get some work done now. Have a good Hump day... try to have a good hump if you can. *wink*


Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Ever Have One Of Those Days?

De-Evolving - Jonathan Coulton

I guess you’ve noticed that my arms don’t fit in my old suits
I guess you’ve noticed that I’m eating lots of jungle fruits
Anyway more than I used to
I used to be so tall and thin
Now I’m not exactly sure which phylum I’m in

And I know there’s a monkey in the future for you
And there’s nothing modern science can do
Keeping the thumb but I’m getting dumb
I’m devolving, I’m devolving
I am de-evolving

I guess you’ve noticed that I can’t sit still at dinnertime
I guess you’ve noticed that I quit my job and I learned to sign
Anyway more than I used to
I used to have a little body hair
Now I have to use a razor everywhere

And I know there’s a monkey in the future for you
And there’s nothing modern science can do
Keeping the thumb but I’m getting dumb
I’m devolving, I’m devolving
I am de-evolving

Why get so angry at me?
I don’t understand how you expect me to defend my actions
Knowing what you now know
Monkey one and monkey two
Monkey me and monkey you
Monkey see and monkey
Do you still love me
Now that I’m a monkey?

I guess you’ve noticed that I drag my knuckles when I dance
I guess you’ve noticed that I stuff a tail inside my pants
Anyway more than I used to
I used to see a movie now and then
Now I’m never gonna watch King Kong again

Because I know there’s a monkey in the future for you
And there’s nothing modern science can do
Keeping the thumb but I’m getting dumb
I’m devolving, I’m devolving
I am de-evolving

I’m devolving
I’m a coal miner’s daughter