Monday, July 1, 2002

Doubting Thomas (and Mark and Peter and Elvis and...)

Editor's Note: This entry is backdated from my old website I had back in 2002.

"That's right," shouted Vroomfondel, "we demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!" -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I'm having doubts. No no no, not doubts about whether or not I'm REALLY a female. I'm having doubts about Dr. Suporn. If there's one thing that's hard to quantify and qualify in my life, it's information. Everyone has their side of the story. When it comes to things like doctors and life-changing events like surgical procedures, you want absolute solid certainty that you're trusting your future to the right person. The only way to do that is to do research. The more important the issue, the more research required.

Have I done enough research? Can I be certain of my choices? That's hard to say. There are some choices I made in my life that I wish I hadn't, I can tell you that. I wish I had never started smoking back when I was 22. What a strange age to start. Most will tell you they started at 12 or 13 to be "cool." I just walked in to a convenience store one day, picked up donuts and a Yoohoo and found myself asking for a pack of Marlboro Lights. I don't know why, really, I just did. I wasn't a bar-hopper at the time, I had no clear desire for cancer, and at the time I really had no clue where my life was headed and that "healthy-living" would be a primary drive in my life. It was a rash, compulsive maneuver that made no sense. Given the propensity for such compulsive behavior, I now get nervous when I'm "sure" of something.

Oh, not all the time. There are things I can be certain of. I'm an X-Files fan... but I certainly no Mulder (actually, I always wanted to be Scully and ... uhm... well I had other plans for Mulder). But I can't shake the feeling of doubt. That should be a good indicator to go back and research more and carefully consider this. Part of it is that I've never met the man. When I checked out Dr. Matas, I did my homework. I checked out his degrees and society plaques and made mental notes to research him. Through the research, I found him to be an excellent surgeon, qualified, committed and caring. But it wasn't until I actually *met* him that I felt comfortable. I knew right away that I wanted no one else to perform surgery on my nose or my breasts once I had shook his hand and talked with him a while.

Of course, flying to Thailand to just MEET Dr. Suporn would be rather expensive. There's also the realization that other girls have traveled far and wide to talk to several of the doctors before making an informed decision. Since they're all out of state, this proposes to be an expensive and time-consuming amount of research. In order to be sure, though, I guess I'll be taking some trips.


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