Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Everyone makes stupid moves from time to time. Turned left when they should've turned right, bought something they didn't need and now can't get rid of, trusted someone who wasn't trustworthy, shagged someone that wasn't shagworthy, lots and lots mistakes made day in and day out. We beat ourselves up for these mistakes a lot too. But the question I have is why. This is a natural thing in life to make stupid, foolish mistakes. This is how we learn. Some people learn at a much slower rate than others. Some people pick up some subjects quickly and other subjects slowly and some subjects... maybe not at all.

Sometimes people like to point out what someone else does and call it a mistake. This creates problems especially when there's the hope and desire for love, trust and acceptance between the two. When you just want the other person to know that you're happy with who you are, you're happy with who they are and that you want to share your life with them in whatever way makes sense.

I made a stupid move not too long ago. I allowed doubt and fear to take control of my life again. I worked very hard to get myself to the point where I was okay with who I was and then once I got there I discovered something new... that what I was before wasn't bad... it was just uncontrolled. I'll try to explain.

The best way to describe it is to use an old story about the Lion and the Lamb. Growing up, I had balanced the Lion and the Lamb within me. They were both young and did not have the knowledge of good and evil. But at some point, I became unbalanced and the Lion began to take over, pushing the Lamb away. This, I'm fairly certain, was puberty. Perhaps being cast from Eden is a euphamism for puberty. I began to feel wrong about myself and my feelings and started on a journey to destroy the Lion. But the Lion can never be destroyed. The Lion must be soothed by the Lamb and the Lamb must be empowered by the Lion.

The Lion represents the harder side while the Lamb represents softer side. You can't have one without the other. The trick is to blend the two into something beautiful rather than focus on one or the other. It is a trick that is not easily learned and I think that once it is 100% learned we move on to the next level. There are many things that appeal to the Lion and many things that appeal to the Lamb. We must deal with each of these and teach the Lamb and the Lion to share and appreciate all things before achieving that center.

Every day I grow closer to the recombination of the Lion and the Lamb. Teaching each to appreciate the other and accept the other. To let the Lion handle what it's meant to handle, but guided by the Lamb. To let the Lamb handle what it's meant to handle, but empowered by the Lion.


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