Monday, April 16, 2001


Editor's Note: This entry is backdated from my old website I had back in 2001.

This morning finds me a tad apprehensive, but mostly excited about this week. On Thursday at 8:00 a.m., I will be falling asleep via the admission of anesthetics into my body. Why? Breast augmentation. This is something I've thought about, and thought about, and thought about even some more. I've weighed the pros and cons heavily in trying to decide if it's right for me or not. That's when I remember that life is supposed to be a series of choices, not decisions.

Many have stated that I should wait longer to see what the hormones will do over a greater period of time. Although this may sound rash to some, I'm tired of waiting. The more I wait, the more stagnate I feel. It's time to press on. Based on what I know about what hormones can and can not achieve, I believe I have realized my full hormonal potential at this time. This may change, of course, once the natural source of androgens is no longer available to my body. If it changes drastically, well.... there are surgeries to correct that too.

In most transsexuals, confidence is what generates believability in others. That reaction causes more confidence to form and the cycle churns until it's as natural as breathing. This has also been the case for me. However, there are times when, in order to promote that confidence, one must take another step toward their immediate goal. They're called milestones.

In the software development world, milestones are set to keep the programmers from going nuts. If one tries to view the entire picture all at once all the time, one will get overloaded by the amount of work there still is left to do. Milestones are set to keep focus and to create relief. For one a milestone is completed, a genuine sense of accomplishment descends upon you... like an opiate. The trick is not to fall back on your laurels. The next milestone is approaching. This surgery on Thursday is my next milestone. While in the overall grand scheme of things it is but one step... by itself, it is a monumental achievement.

I'll discuss more about the surgery, what it's going to entail and the preparations involved later. But I needed to get at least this much... off my chest... (in order to make room for other things, I guess).

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