Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Build your house upon the rock

I grew up in a Christian household of 7 kids. I was the last... a surprise as my parents call it. I've had several benefits from this. The most harped on, of course, is that I got away with murder... whatever... not really... just manslaughter.

In reality, the biggest thing I ever got out of it was my sense of right and wrong, my morals, my ethics, my values etc. They're all based on what Christ said in the Bible.

I was a student at Anderson University, a "Christian affiliated" college. Which means I had to take some Bible courses and go to chapel twice a week. I decided if I had to take these courses, I wanted to really study it. Study the records of surrounding cultures, archeological data, etc. More than just a "Bible Study Group" with credit hours. I learned a lot about my own beliefs and my own faith based on what was corroborated by other cultures and learned what I had to accept on faith. I also began to learn and take to heart the truths that lie therein... truths that span all cultures regardless of ideology.

Some of these have come into play recently in my life. Scriptures that talk about forgiveness, turning the other cheek, shaking the dust from your feet, etc. have all come back to me recently, giving me strength in my convictions and my actions.

One came to mind today about the wise man who built his house on a rock versus the foolish man who built his house on the sand. When the rains came, the wise man's house stood firm while the foolish man's house was destroyed.

But what happens when what you thought was rock turns into sand?

The foundation for my life for several years now has been my relationship with my significant other, Rob. We've had storms that we've weathered and we even took a year off at one point to make sure that we were meant for each other before taking the plunge into a full-on life-long committment. There were other reasons for that breakup too, but afterwards, I was committed and built my hopes and dreams for the future on the strength of our relationship, the promises we made to each other and the love we have for each other.

It's not hard to tell where this post is going, I guess. Disney says that "true love conquers all." Maybe so. But at the moment, it feels like the storms have finally chipped away the veneer of rock to reveal nothing but sand ... and my house is sinking quickly into it. Maybe choices in my life have brought me here. Maybe all I'll ever get is ... pretty sand. Maybe it really is rock and the house is just... settling. I don't know.

Some say run from the house before it falls apart and buries me. Others say stay true and weather the storm... it will eventually subside and any damage can be repaired... that it simply reveals that which you need to repair BEFORE the house falls apart. But when you're questioning the very foundation... the house itself becomes immaterial, doesn't it?

I could go into all the details, but it does nothing more than perpetuate the endless stream of opinions, warm wishes, chastisements, etc. that inevitably come from such a display. I guess the only reason I bring all this up is why we blog in the first place... to vent... to share our feelings and hope that someone else out there knows *exactly* how we feel... and that maybe *they* have an answer. But answers are optional... just a knowing look and a hug will do today.

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