Monday, November 21, 2005


Blah... so I'm just sitting here doing laundry, monitoring some stupid BS at work, thinking about all the other crap I was trying to get done today... and realizing I'm just fuckin' stretched too thin, basically. One would think that my S.O. would have helped me out with these things... but since he never did and now he's not my S.O. ... it's still all on me. So now, I have to simplify. Condense. Retract. Regroup. Whatever. It's all a matter of priorities, really. Of course, this week is a rough one. We have the holiday coming up and his parents are coming to visit. I'm hoping there won't be too much drama from it. I have about 18,393,207 things to do and about 2.7 minutes a day to do it in. WTF? Eeeyarg.... it drives me nutz.

Okay, enough bitching. Actually, what I wanted to write about is how free I've been feeling lately. Revent events have opened my eyes and ears to things I had not paid attention to before. I've been fucking up and fucking off. And it's past time I stopped. Now that I'm not so wrapped up trying to figure out what's going on with my relationship, I've become much more focused in my own priorities. This is a good thing. It helps me get better, figure out what I want and where I want to go and what I want to do. Anyone that wants to come along for that ride is more than welcome... but it's my show from here on. Maybe someday I'll meet someone that I can relate to enough and who relates to me enough that it can be "our show." I've felt that connection before, and I've met others who have felt that connection to me. But I've yet to find the one where it's reciprocated both ways. Maybe I never will. But I'm okay with that now. And that is freedom. Freedom from fear of the future and what lies ahead. Freedom from fear, period, to be honest.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I don't need anyone else's approval or acceptance about who and what I am. It's empowering. I have a lot of shit to take care of before I can truly spread my wings and fly... but as soon as the mess that's been made is cleaned up... you can bet that I'll be taking flight ASAFP. Just thought I'd share that. Peace, biotches.

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