Sunday, June 25, 2006

A very long night

Wheee.... So Saturday we started the migration of settlement data and applications from Orlando to Denver. Got started at about 2 PM Denver time and didn't stop for a break until 4 am Sunday morning. Came back to the hotel and slept. Now I'm on a conference call that started about 2 and a half hours ago as we try to finish this up.

I've been torn between going in to the office to be more help or just stay on the line from the hotel room to help by instruction. I think it's better that they learn the process and the tools to resolve issues without me doing it for them. It may not be a good idea for me, personally, but there are plenty of opportunities out there and this process needs more people that understand it. If push comes to shove, I will of course go into the office if they desperately need me. But they seem to have things well in hand.

I've been thinking more and more about the return to a much simpler life and it really makes me smile. We didn't have much in Indiana when I was growing up and I don't see the need to have a ton of stuff now... not any more. Just what I need to get by is enough. As long as it's nice and it's something I like... I'm good. It's sometimes difficult to push back the ideas that I'm "going backwards" especially with enough people putting ideas in my head that I would be giving up a lot that I worked so hard for. But I wasn't working hard for that stuff. Not really. I was working hard in order to provide a good life for a family. That family never came to be in the way I thought it would. Now, I have the chance to provide for a new family and see if it works out right.

One thing I'm really getting irritated about is the continuous barrage of questions about what I'm doing and why. They put the seeds of doubt in my mind and then I have to go and clear these seeds out. Sometimes, in order to do that, I have to beleaguer my friends with my doubts and fears and then they have to help me sort through them again. It gets old ... I'm sure it gets old for them because it gets old for me too. Why do people doubt my good intentions? I'm certainly not trying to take the place of anyone and I'm certainly not trying to shoehorn myself in and force them to do something they don't want to do. I also don't feel coerced into doing this by anyone.

We've all talked about this and they've talked with the kids about it. To them, I'm family and to me, they're family. That's all there is to it. Maybe my friends and relatives don't see it that way and maybe their friends and relatives don't see it that way. But unless I'm being lied to on an order and degree to which I've never seen before in my life... that's the way it is and I don't care what anyone else thinks... and according to them... they don't either. I'm finally seeing some friggin' happiness for a change. Something I've been missing for a long time now.

I hope this helps explain everything that's been going on. People haven't understood why, over the past year, I've taken in so many people into my home... why I do what I do for people... my intentions and my actions... I miss family, dammit. This makes it all that much harder to be in Denver, of course. I want to make sure that it's understood that I'm not here because I want to be here. I'm not here because I don't want to be with family and friends. I'm here because the family needs me to be here. I'll always be that way and that will never change. It gets lonely... yes... BIG TIME. Maybe that's why I like 24 so much... it's the story of someone who wanted nothing more than the simple life with his family... and to provide for that family he did what he had to do. Unfortunately, that sacrifice affected his family too much. I just hope and pray that doesn't happen here.

To my Orlando family... all of them... everyone I mentioned in my last post... I love you all so very much and I miss you very much. Be home soon.


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