Thursday, December 6, 2007

Too Many Forks

They say (yeah, I know... who listens to them anyway) that choices you make in life are forks in the road and that once you choose a path, make the best of it. It would seem that someone's dropped about four dozen forks in my road. That's how it feels. So many choices and trying to pick the one that makes me happy without completely destroying the lives of those I care about is not easy.

I would much rather say "to hell with it" ... sell the house to one of those nuts that buy houses, quit my high stress job, get a mindless job where I can make a modest living, find a nice quiet place I can nest in, get some animals to keep me company without giving me emotional trauma, write some music, play some games, dance and sing, and avoid the ridiculousness of humans altogether. As Max Von Sydow would say, "Kill them all! Let God sort them out!"

It's just a matter of heart-ache. I know my limits, it's not hard to figure that out. But I see heart-ache and suffering around me all the time and can't seem to see the goodness anymore ... or at least VERY rarely. When I try to bandage it and help out, the people I'm helping just keep picking at their wounds and never take the steps necessary to fully heal and get themselves back on their feet again. That's the way it's occurring for me, anyway.

Personally, I have every option in the world available to me. I choose to dwell in the darkness with those trapped there until they figure out that they don't have to stay there. It's frustrating as all hell... but the word I've been given by my inner voice is that it will be worth it and not to give up. Been considering finding the source of that voice and bitch-slapping the shit out of it. :-D It's not that I disagree with the voice, just wish it would shut up so I can think and get something done. :)

Anyway, enough upper-middle-class whining. I put some new tracks on my myspace music player. I'm starting to really hate MP3s tho... I can hear the compression in the music and it's disturbing. It makes me long to hear a live performance of the music with about 10,000 of my favorite perfect strangers. :)

Well, I probably should log off this thing for now and get some work done. More later.


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