Friday, September 22, 2006

Free At Last.... Free At Last...

Well... apparently I have a lot to say today. Or rather... within the past 24 hours. I just had an epiphany and decided to write it down. I'm free. Free at last. Free from any care in the world. I still have responsibilities, sure. But I don't have to "care" about them. Nope. I still have people I love, sure. But I don't have to "care" about them. They can care for themselves. It's quite the refreshing feeling, actually. It's freeing. It's emancipating. I'm suddenly not lonely anymore. Why? I don't care! I'm suddenly not afraid of the future anymore. Why? I don't care! Yup. That's gonna be my motto now. I am the anti-care bear.

My epiphany occurred while tracing past events back to their fragile beginnings and realizing that no-one really cared about me either. They didn't care whether I made it or not. They loved me (and still do as far as I know), they accepted me (again, as far as I know this is still true too) but they didn't really give a shit, to be honest.

I've seen people that "care" about something. I've seen me "care" about something. It causes pain. It causes heartache. It causes suffering. Why? Because life is chaos and the people and events in our life are ruled by that chaos. Therefore life is change. When there is change in something you care about, if it doesn't meet what you were expecting it causes pain. Therefore you have to "care" for it and return it to what it was, the way it was before. But usually that or they that changed have no interest in returning to the way it was because they changed for a reason that worked for them.

So, why care? Just accept. Just accept and love and that's enough. Beyond that, it's not worth getting involved because it's just gonna change on you when you least expect it. Or, you'll find that it wasn't the way you thought it was to begin with (which is even more unsettling, actually).

So... to all y'all out there still giving a shit... here's to you. I hope you become as carefree as I soon.

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