Knowing when to shut the hell up

Learned something new last night... learned that it's wise to know when to just shut the hell up. I don't mean that in a negative sort of way... just a matter-of-fact sort of way. Sometimes, people just *need* to feel miserable, I think. They need to work through the feelings, not talk about them or deal with people trying to cheer them up and make them feel better. Of course, for someone who is used to cheering people up, can usually see the bright side of things or has trained themselves to look at life from a different perspective, it's a hard thing to just... "shut the hell up."

I hate seeing friends in pain of any kind and am just quite naturally geared to help provide a solution. This natural tendency of mine can be misconstrued as many things, it can also be taken advantage of. But it's just my nature... and I don't think I'll ever be able to change that no matter what I do. I can learn (and have learned), however, that when people are becoming more unhappy at my attempts to help/cheer them up... I should just back off and let them process what they need to process and know that when/if they want some cheer or help from me, they'll come to me. It doesn't make me feel much better... because in some ways I feel like I failed ... but as my dad is fond of saying, the only true failure is the failure to try... of which I've rarely ever been guilty.

So, I think about that and remember that I'm being true to myself and doing what is in my heart to do. It often means catching the brunt of people's hostility... or sometimes just a jab of it and not the full force blows... it depends on their personality, usually. Caring enough to "try to help" often illicits that response, tho. It's something I've come to accept and deal with. When I do see the joy of life come out in people, it's a beautiful thing. It's something I love to see. When people can sit back and think about the blessings they have and balance them with the adversities they have, it's wonderful.

Mind you... I'm JUST as guilty of "wallowing in pain and misery" as anyone. I know I've had my moments where I've been upset about something and no-one on this earth could possibly make it any better. Even if they really COULD make it better, it still doesn't change the fact that what happened to me was "fucked up" or aggravated me or irritated me, etc. It's something I try to keep in mind but I don't always succeed before irritating someone with my cheerful nature.

At any rate, it's something I've learned now and will try to keep it (along with the other life lessons I'ce picked up along the way) in the forefront of my mind. I just hope I don't end up becoming insensitive to people's needs in the process of learning to let people be.