It

No... I'm not talking about the Stephen King book... although it was a great book.... horrible movie (even Tim Curry couldn't save that piece of shit). No, I'm talking about "It" as in... whatever It is that gets you where you want to be. Whatever makes you happy and satisfied and social and part of something wonderful.

I know it's different for everyone... but I'm pretty sure the experience of it is exactly the same for everyone too. The part that worries me is when something kills It. I've felt that within myself and have seen that happen to others. Considering ALL that there is in this life to enjoy... why do we sometimes (or often) focus on the negative? Does it make us happy to do that?

It would seem that we're getting something out of focusing on the negative. Maybe a good cry... a cathartic experience to finally put to rest some issues we've had to deal with. Maybe we're trying to convert the negativity into something positive. Maybe we need to express our anger or our frustration. Depending upon how much has been bottled up, it might take a while for it to all be purged.

I had a long heart-to-heart with my best friend in the world last night. He said he "misses Jenna." I was instantly reminded of how I've said that to people in my past, too. Typically the answer I got was "well, that person is gone" or "I don't know where that person is or if they're coming back." I couldn't give that answer last night. I know that what I'm going through is temporary and will eventually be purged. It's just taking a long time to get it all out.

I hear It's call... it beckons me saying... "Laugh at your adversity. Prove to it that it has no power over you. Let the beauty and wonder of this life fill you with joy. Smile!"

I hear it in the music I play. I see it in the shows and movies I watch. I feel it in those closest to me. I see their attempts to cheer me up and I sometimes don't know what it takes to get me over the hump and truly accept the love that's out there. I want It to take certain forms that it just doesn't seem to want to take right now. Hence my frustration.

I'm learning to grow past it, tho. I'm learning (or rather re-learning) how to bring the beauty of life and all it's facets back into focus for my life. To accept my past as it was and to forge a new future for myself.

A few words of advice... be careful when choosing a goal. Make sure you've got more than one to keep you going. Because both the completion of a goal and the absolute failure of a goal are devastating to motivation.

Peace,
Jenna