fin.

So I've made my journal private now. The only thing you'll see from here on out is cool stuff I find on the web, the occasional review of a book, movie or album, etc. There's really only one reason for this change. It's my life. Although I don't need to explain myself to anyone, I will just so there's no misunderstanding.

Apparently my life is as controversial as the Bible to those who read my journal. Everyone has their own interpretation of what it means. So, since it's my journal, I pay for it, I write about my life in it... there's really no point in sharing my thoughts with anyone other than those that truly share their lives with me. Otherwise, misinterpretation creates misrepresentation of concepts and thoughts that were running through my head at the time I wrote them. Everyone wants to know what's going on in my life, why, how I feel about it, what I'm going to do about it, etc. and to then project their $0.02 upon me, or someone I know, describing what I supposedly meant by it and what I should do about it. The only way to stop that, apparently, is to stop talking about it entirely. So, that's exactly what I'm doing.

I've grown weary of having the lead role in The Truman Show. I'm tired of being the performing monkey for everyone's amusement yet almost never seeing anyone throw a quarter in my cap. There are precious few people in my life that actually do that and they do that by their actions, not their words. They do it by standing beside me in the worst of conditions even when I was the one that caused the situation. For better or worse is not just something that married people agree to... it's something that builds a true friendship between people.

This is absolutely directed at EVERYONE who reads my journal. I am not playing favorites nor am I leaving anyone out of this decision. I thought I could share my life without fear of it being used in ways that would cause harm to me or anyone else. But seeing as how it has become a weapon for people to use to bash themselves or others I care about, I choose to disarm the whole thing.

Have I stopped caring? Have I stopped giving a shit? Nope. it's not like that. It's all about understanding that when one disturbs the waters, the ripples eventually become massive waves at the beaches. For the trekkies out there... it's the Prime Directive. Non-Interference. No more advice. No more freebies. No more information provided about my life or those in it. You'll get the same response from me on here, via e-mail, on the phone or in person. Because I'm tired of seeing what sharing my life with the world has done to those that give a shit about me.

I can't change the fact that damage has been done. But I can certainly put a stop to anything that can cause any further damage. This journal isn't the only thing that's changing. My life may very well be an enigma to many people. I don't deny that I emulate others that I admire, respect and look to for guidance. I don't deny that I make choices based on my heart more often than my head. I don't deny that I'm more of a lover than a fighter. So in that vein, the best way to love someone is to set them free and leave them the hell alone. If they come back, it was meant to be. If they don't, then they're doing fine... be happy for them and move on to make yourself happy.

So, if you feel like this message was meant for you... take heart in knowing that you're probably not alone. Then, close the browser... turn off the computer... find someone you care about... and give them a hug and tell them you love them. Please... I'm begging you.

Good Luck and God Bless,
Jenna