Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Emotional Price of a Cigarette

So, I've started considering my addictions. According to popular scientific theory, our bodies produce peptides based on emotional and physical cravings that then bind to receptors in our cells. As these cells divide and create new cells, the produce more cells that have receptors pre-configured to receive the peptides their parents/siblings received. Hence a greater craving for the peptides. Just about anything can be that. Love, Sex, Food, Alcohol, Abuse, Pain, Anger, Hatred, Domination, Submission, Cowardice, etc.

Also according to these theories, when one gets too much of these peptides, they crash the system entirely. Leaving only the cells that are not receptive to whatever the previous addiction was.

At any rate, I've come to recognize these patterns of addiction and they are becoming clearer each day. Overcoming them is becoming easier as well... but sometimes... not so much. Hence the title.

A little while ago, I went to a co-workers' desk whom I smoke with from time to time and ask if I could get one from him since I haven't bought any all day. He said sure and went outside with me. This was when I finally figured out what the price was. It's not my physical health and it wasn't financial. While we were out there, he proceeded to tell me all about everything that was wrong in his life. It dawned on me that every other time I had been out with him smoking a cigarette, I got the same story... just flavored a little differently. This made me giggle. I had to pay the price for the cigarette and that was to not have it in peace. Come to think of it... most of the time I have not actually enjoyed a cigarette in peace. They don't tend to really produce much peace from what I've seen. Usually my mind is all a-flutter when I'm smoking and goofing off rather than being either focused on a challenge in front of me or truly emptying my mind and truly relaxing.

So... do I quit? I think so. Nobody likes a quitter and that's fine with me. After all, Nobody's one of my heroes anyway.


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