Wednesday, May 23, 2007


So today I've been toying with an idea... living honestly again. I've been toying with it enough to make some major changes to my online life and hopefully translate those into goodness in my "real" life... whatever that is. So, I'll start with a few basic facts.

I was born male. Somewhere around the age of 5 I got it in my head that I was supposed to be a girl. It came and went quite often in dreams until I hit puberty and then it stuck. Whee. What to do? Here I am having majorly weird-ass ideas and yet I knew how life worked, how babies were made, etc. but I ignored all that and said, "I can change that."

And then I did. Over the course of several years, I studied and learned all I could about alternative lifestyles. I began to realize that not only were there people out there that thought the same way I did... they were making changes in their lives (BIG ones) to realize their dreams. I bought it. I bought it all, hook line and sinker and went after the dream. Then I got it. Now what?

Now, life throws new curve balls at me that I wasn't prepared for. Now I had to learn to accept myself as I was AND how I had become. All at once. I had ignored that for so long... always chasing after changing myself into something else that I never stopped and looked at myself and said, "Damn... you're one sexy mutha fucka!"

That period of my life is over now. It is still wrapped up in my private journal for me to re-read from time to time and recognize the folly of what I had wrought. Now, I'm moving forward. Not moving on... moving forward with where I am and what I am, accepting it and knowing it's just as beautiful as it ever was. I never really discussed it here before... now you know why it's the diary of a "Mad Gender Outlaw."

So... don't expect any drama here anymore. It's all wrapped up now and I'm done with that shit. Time to start either an action flick or a comedy... something other than fuckin' General Hospital or Days of Our Lives.

Peace Out,

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