Thursday, May 10, 2007

Time for Change

The time has come for a new awakening... a change in my life and behavior. I've been VERY depressed lately. Things have been grim. I've been taking on the responsibilities and emotional states of those around me and depending upon the weight of the responsibility and the charge of the emotional state, it has created a roller-coaster that has taken me from apathy to elation to anger to bliss and even to suicidal tendencies.

But when looking back at what I have done, both the mistakes and the progress... the progress still outweighs the mistakes. I have been reminded of the two responsibilities I have in my life, once again. I sure hope this can stick this time.

1) I am responsible for my own happiness. No one else has that power. If I say that someone is making me depressed, angry, unhappy, fearful, joyous, elated, at peace, content... it is because I gave them that power. It is better to take the power for one's self rather than to give that power away.

2) I have to be responsible for how I relate to others, but not how they relate to me. I have made mistakes in the way I have related to some people and I take full responsibility for those mistakes and accept the consequences. How I move forward from here is what is at stake now. I can not control someone else's thoughts or feelings about me, nor do I have any desire to. But if someone is throwing negativity at me, I see no need to stay in the path of that negativity any longer. It does not change my love and compassion for people, though, and it never will... not completely.

I have been tested and I feel that I have passed the test with flying colors. I have tested others and they have also passed the tests with flying colors. There can be nothing but good in this life provided we make it that way. The bad can not control that which does not give it control. The same goes for goodness. Keep thinking positively... the alternative is self-destructive and for those that are very empathetic, it can be devastating.

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