Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Long Road Ahead

I started taking my hormones again last Saturday. Between that and a "trip" down memory lane Sunday morning, I was pretty well lost in my head all weekend but came out eventually making sense for myself at least. I say I'm making sense again because last night I dilated for the first time in probably over a year. I still managed to get about 5 1/2" of depth but at great pain. This will take some time and patience to recover, but at least all is not lost. :)

It's also been over 48 hours without one FULL, normal cigarette. I still had a few (3) clove cigarettes at work yesterday and also found half a cigarette in my purse while digging for something else. But I didn't buy a pack like I normally would. Hopefully I can keep this momentum going.

There is so much that I want to do and so little time to do it in it seems. Or rather, so much I want to get done. When something doesn't get done, someone is disappointed and I hate disappointing anyone. I can't control whether or not someone gets disappointed though, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I can't change anyone's mood. They have to change it for themselves. How they feel about me, my actions and my life is not my doing... it's just a reaction to my doing. So, I'm going to continue to do for myself the way I feel is right at see what comes from it.

I'm still working out the details of when I want to go home and visit friends and family in Indiana. I made a decent breakthrough with some code at work yesterday. They've been waiting on this new Agent and Agent Receivables code for a few months now and are very much looking forward to it. That's what has been delaying me asking for time to go on vacation. I really want to finish the code first.

Happy Birthday to both Rob and Nyssa who oddly share the same birthday today. What's even more interesting is that Jose is a Libra and I'm a Libra. At least I know that there are those that can make a Libra-to-Cancer and Cancer-to-Libra relationship work. :) Kudos to y'all for that.

Today, I'm starting my morning the BT's This Binary Universe. If you don't have it, I highy suggest it. It's completely different from his other works in that it's not hard-hitting, thumpa-thumpa dance music. This is more thoughtful, thought-provoking music and musical structures arranged in slow, beautiful and melodic patterns that just make me smile and feel at peace with the world around me. Like taking a musical walk through a field of golden grass.

Well, at any rate, I've babbled enough this morning. More later as events unfold.


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