Wednesday, February 8, 2006

Avalanche 5, Oilers 2

So... for those of you who can read my private entries (which better be nobody), you would know that I've been pretty damned empowered lately. Things in my life have been moving in a direction that are very good and they've been empowering me to do more, be more, etc.

Today, I went in to work and discovered that I've been the topic of conversation a lot lately. I've been considered to be an extremely valuable asset to FHMS and apparently someone they want to make sure hangs around. This was all manifested today in an invite that blew me away.

Early this morning while trying to help some of the folks learn the system, I got a call from my boss's boss asking me to join her tonite with a few others in going to dinner, drinks and a hockey game. I was flattered and said sure. Little did I know what I was in for.

This was a special event. Big Wigs from Marriott were in town. They were taking them out to wine and dine them and wanted to include me for all the hard work I've done while I've been here. Not only did we go to the game, we were in First Horizon's private box. Fucking awesome seats! On several occasions, my name was brought up and I was touted as being in the forefront of the company's move towards more client-driven systems. I had nothing to do with this... it was Marriott and FHMS both that were blowing my horn. I was floored! It completely put me in a new position. I felt wanted. Needed. Appreciated. Much different than Orlando. I felt empowered and motivated to do just that much more. But not for the reasons they think.

My motivation has been solely based on my drive to be able to provide for the people I care about. To build a family that is cared for, provided for... and that cares and provides for me. The fact that FHMS is willing to give me the opportunity to make that happen is fucking brilliant! Between this, building my own company and working on my own music... I know I can be the person I was meant to be. Understand that nothing will ever come between me and those that I consider to be family. But from the way FHMS talks, this could be the sweetest thing in the world for everyone involved.

I must weigh things carefully tho. Too often in the past I have let the crap of this world entertain me into a slumber that made me think I was getting somewhere. But I was still lonely. No one to share this with makes all of this worth nothing. That will not happen again... EVER. I will do whatever it takes to prove to those that I care about that I'm for real; that what I say means something and always will. I've been afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of losing everything. That fear is gone. I know now that no matter what I do in life, as long as my love for those I care about is in the forefront and that I maintain a balance between work and home... things will be perfect.

There is so much to say and right now I'm too overwhelmed and too tired from all the activity tonight to say it. I'm signing off and hitting the sack. I need some sleep. :)


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