Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Let the good times roll

Yesterday was a really good day. Yes it was. Sunday night I had a cathartic event that pretty much adjusted my way of thinking about a lot of things. It was an important adjustment too because I was holding in a lot of pain that I wouldn't let go. When I was able to finally let that go... wow... I just asked myself why I held on to it for so long in the first place.

We hold on to pain for a lot of different reasons in our own minds. But in the end, there's really only one reason... it makes us right. It's classic victim mentality and it sucks for eveyone else around a victim. I'm very grateful for my friends that have stuck by me while I figured my shit out. Couldn't ask for better friends in the world.

Yesterday I was went to work and had a pretty good day. I didn't get a whole lot accomplished, but it didn't matter... my mood was much better that it has been in a long while.

Last night, while watching 24, I started talking with Jon again. Jon's the guy I mentioned a few posts back (the guy I hadn't talked to in a long time and closed my journal entry so that I could chat with him some). He's really sweet, honest, funloving, and understands the concept of personal freedoms. There's definitely a spark there... and I'm really glad that we were able to get back in touch with each other. He found me the other day because he was cleaning out an old hard drive of his and found a link to my old web site (heap many moons ago). When he found that the site was no longer around... he came looking for me and found me on myspace. :) I thought that was sweet. I never chat with anyone while wathing 24... it's always been something I focus on and would not divert my attention for anyone or anything.

As we were chatting, he mentioned complications... the fact that he's married. He started to go down a path that our renewed friendship was starting to feel like "cheating on his wife." Had to nip that in the bud right there. Told him straight up that I would never try to come between him and his wife. Whatever issues he has there he needs to deal with. If he asks for help or advice, I'll offer what I can as unbiased as I can. But I also told him that there was no reason to feel ashamed over having a friendship with me. I told him the reason he was feeling the way he was feeling was that there was something he was getting out of the friendship with me that he's not getting from his relationship with his wife. It's up to him whether he thinks that's a bad or a good thing... and if it's something he wants to change. I just think he's pretty cool and was happy to get back in touch with him.

Rob's been very cool with me too. This is a blessed change ot events, I can tell you that. There was one moment where we started to drag out something from the past... but we quickly saw that and stopped it before it escalated into bullshit. I was grateful for that! Yeah... I'm starting to get the hang of it, I guess. Better late than never. Some never do. Not saying I won't get stupid from time to time in the future... I think it's inevitable really... I think we all do. But at least having written some of this down, maybe ... if I keep my mind focused ... I'll be alright.

Well, I need to get ready for work. More later.

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