Friday, February 17, 2006

Faith vs. Fact ... ... ... Fact

Yeah, I know. What?! Shaddup. I'm losing my faith pretty quickly. Doesn't seem to be much point in it anymore, really. The things I've put my faith in have not come true. The facts surrounding me have continued to impress themselves upon me more and more. Examples? You betcha.

Work: Faith says that I will be recognized for my hard work and dedication. That they will take notice of the skills and knowledge and just plain acknowledge my efforts to go over and above with something appropriate to the effort. Fact says they'll take whatever they can get and give only what they can get away with... a few flowery words to stroke my ego should be enough.

Relationships: Ha! Faith says that someone will see what I do, who I am, what I'm about, show me those things about themselves... recognize the sacrifice I make for them and return with something equal. Not equal in that if I give $100 bucks, they give $100 bucks. Equal in that if I give something dear to me so they have it better... they do the same for me. Fact says again, they'll take whatever they can get and give only what they can get away with... more floral verbiage. Lots of mouths are filled with gardens of cut flowers.

Friendships: Faith says I can trust them. That they'll always do what they say they'll do. That they'll be honest, respectful and return my friendship the same as I give to them... without question and without hesitation. Fact says... well you know what fact sayth... excuse me ... I had a rose petal in my mouth.

Ehh... maybe that's just the way things are and I'm the dope. Certainly possible. Being a dope isn't so bad though. Being asleep I always felt loved... regardless of whether it was true or not. Actually... all of this is probably just me pissing and moaning some more. Life sucks... work sucks... relationships suck... friendships suck... yadda yadda yadda. Why'd I bother coming to this planet in the first place? Must've been for the drugs. That's about it.

I really need to take some time off and search my feelings for what I want. Life could be so much better... I see others with decent lives... why not me? Oh yeah... I remember. Nevermind. Next time I'll try to keep my dick in my pants... literally.

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