Sunday, February 12, 2006

Hmmm... From Night to Day...

So, yesterday I was supposed to go to this free concert with David and Chris.,.. however it got rained out. So, David said they were just gonna hang out over there instead and asked me to come. I said sure. This was at about 5 PM or so. Rob was home in bed asleep. I hadn't showered yet (was bein' lazy) and decided I should do that and make myself presentable (and less offending to the olfactory senses). Well, of course, this wakes up Rob and as I'm getting ready I can tell that he's agitated and wants to talk to me.

So I stop what I'm doing and ask him what he wants. He stammers a bit and eventually says he just wanted a hug. So... fine, that's cool.. I give him a hug. But for some reason, he continually acts as if I'm irritated with him offering me a hug... when really... I'm just irritated that I'm being interrupted in general. I was busy trying to get my hair done and get ready to go over to Twink's and he just gets too clingy with me when I'm in a "motivated mood." But then.. that's been one of our problems for the past 10 years... bad friggin' timing on both of our parts.

So now, he's upset thinking that I'm just thinking negative thoughts about him (which I wasn't at the time... it had been a while since I had seen him and it cool to see him again). I finish getting ready and go back up to the loft to finish burning a CD. I also had an issue at work that needed to be dealt with too.

So, I ask him to listen to a couple of tracks that I had recently ordered vinyl of online. He comes in, sits down and listens... but with the same distant stare that I always get which I've also seen before in other situations. I have come (in the many years together) to realize that it's the "I don't really care about this" stare. And once again, I feel stupid for trying to share something with him that gets me going and he shows no interest. So, I get through the other tracks quickly and figure I'll just say goodnight and head over to Twink's once the CD had finished burning.

No such luck. He decides to ask me if I wanted to go look at some bikes with him on Sunday... knowing full well that I'll probably be up all night Saturday night and may not be able to function Sunday to do much... which always bugs him when I'm that way... but it's not like he ever attends the things I'm interested in either.

I'm already in an "I don't care" mood now because of how he's reacted to me and has interpretted actions that weren't so. So I say, "I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow." To which he made the leap (in his already preturbed state that I didn't immediately see "his pain" and leap to assist him through it by telling him everything's okay) that apparently in his mind I meant that everyone else in my life was more important than him.

3 hours later...

I'm fed up. He's fed up. Again. We've dredged up more of the past and slung it in each others' faces, making accusations, defending positions, blah blah blah... and I just finally said I had to go. By that time, Twink had sent me a text saying "I guess you're not coming" because it was now past 9 pm. I don't blame her... I would have been there about two hours earlier otherwise. Plus, I had to blow off work and say I would take care of it today instead (which I did and it caused no grief since the clients weren't actively looking for the data that was delayed, anyway).

So I leave for Twink's pretty irritated. But I've learned to process it much more quickly and not let it continue to bother me any more because it's just counter productive to what I'm planning to do (which is have a good time) and no one really wants to hear it anyway, to be honest. I get there and find that David, his wife Chris, Josh, Twink and a friend of Josh's are already there... but only Twink is in the house... the rest of them are in the shed enjoying some goodies that David had... wheee!

So Twink and I start watching a movie that I had been wanting her to see... "What Dreams May Come." I highly suggest it to EVERYONE out there. About 30 minutes into the movie... chaos begins. People start filtering in, trying to figure out what's going on.. what we're watching and why. I realize pretty quickly what substance of choice had been selected for the evening's festivities... but I didn't know that EVERYONE already had a head start on me. I made the conscious decision to not join in in that respect... wanted to see how things worked from the other side for once. :) It was, for the most part, entertaining.

However, at one point, Josh's friend begins to get loud and boisterous while the kids are trying to sleep. This guy continues to ignore Twink's pleas for him to be quiet and in fact begins to disrespect her wishes in her own house... not to mention making some rather lewd comments indicating that he really just wanted to get laid that night and party... not deal with movies and sleeping children.

The night wore on and it got worse... up to the point where this guy had to be asked (firmly, several times) to leave... which he finally did. The rest of the night was pretty smooth... but I didn't see anyone other than David for the rest of the night. I guess they all thought I had left because I went to the shed with David (figured I could use a little pick-me-up of some kind, at least). David and I had a great talk too. I'm glad because I really like him as a friend and hope that we can continue that. I think we reached an understanding about each other that wasn't there before.

And that's when things turned wonderful. Twink's kids woke up. :) They came out and we watched the last part of Willy Wonka all cuddled up together. We played the "got your nose" game and had a couple of tickle fights and pile-ons as kids are want to do. I got them breakfast, gave Taylor her medicine... and we watched The Muppet Movie and continued to spend the day lounging around, playing and giggling. It was by far, the best part of the weekend, to be honest.

The day wore on and I really didn't want to leave. I've realized that I really want to be able to see a child or two or more grow up. On a daily basis. To see them learn, help them with their homework, teach them what's right and wrong... how to behave and how not to behave... help them through tough times at school with their peers... all the things a parent would do. The more I think about it... the farther away of a reality it seems... but the dream is a nice one. Sure, it's a lot of work... but nothing worth anything is ever easy.

I hope one day, maybe this little dream that everyone has will be realized. That I'll find someone who doesn't assume the worst of me... totally gets me... and I totally get them... and that we can build a life with children involved. But... time is running out. I'm 36... eventually, raising a child will be a ridiculous concept for my age... the age difference between parents is a hard one for kids to deal with ... I know... I went through that.

Anyway... I've been ordered to supper at Twink's. I guess I'll put the hamburger back in the fridge and get my happy ass back over there. More later. :)

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