Monday, February 6, 2006

A Stellar Day

It's funny when you think you have clarity and then find out you didn't. It's beautiful actually. That happened to me today. It was as if a light finally switched on somewhere in my brain that had been turned off, and the switch had been glued, nailed and cemented over.

It was so intoxicating, so moving, so driving, empowering, motivating that I couldn't focus on anything else other than the truth that had been illuminated. I am in love. For the first time in my life, I am 100% completely head-over-heels, give 100% of everything I am, fully acceptant, out-of-this-world, phenomenally and as many other adjective and adverbs as you can come up with... in love. So in love that if the object of my love can not reciprocate that, it's still okay. It's not a crush, a fantasy, a wild-hare, lust, infatuation, or anything so physically driven that it doesn't matter. It's a pure, unadulterated, "holy fuck how do we keep this going" love. It's a love that doesn't require a committment, because it's already there. It's a love that doesn't require work, because it already exists. It's a love that doesn't even require physical intimacy... because it transcends that. It's a love that doesn't need to be justified, explained or reasoned... because those that require such reasons don't understand it and may never will. It's a love so overpowering, that I'm willing to give IT control, and give myself the backseat. And in turn, it takes me where I want to go, where I need to go.

I was so empowered, I worked harder and smarter than I have in years. I was accomplishing things I set out to do with a passion and a drive I've not felt for even longer. Knowing that love exists, seeing it for what it is and finally letting it govern my path... has made all the difference today and will continue to do so for as long as I live. No matter what happens or how things turn out.

I had a good talk with one of the VPs of First Horizon today. I was honest with her and she was honest with me. We talked about what's wrong in Orlando, what can be changed, and I impressed upon her how on board I am with making things work for everyone. That I'm, "In The House" so to speak.

I also had a chat with Ansley today about her situation. It was funny, one thing she mentioned ... I won't divulge information of a private chat between her and I but this part I can. She had said at one point, in reference to the government telling people what they can and can not do... "Separation of Church and State people!" To which I responded, "You know what, if they want each other so badly... they can have each other. They're two oppressive organizations all about control. Seems like a good match to me. Maybe they'll fight over control and knock each other out. How about separation of THEM and US."

I've had a fucking awesome day. I hope that everyone else has too. I really want everyone to feel this way. It's the difference between life and death, I swear on all I hold dear. More Later.


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