Thursday, February 9, 2006

A Rough Day

Yesterday was a pretty rough day. The day before was awesome so I guess it all balances out. Hopefully today will be somewhere in the middle.

Yesterday I walked in to a pile of shit. Not literally (I think I could have seen and avoided that.. but who knows with me) but vocationally. I get in, check my e-mail and there's an e-mail from my boss's boss saying that, basically, I've been a jack-ass. As I looked through the chain, I see that two people I consider to be my peers have taken it upon themselves to question some of the actions I have taken in Denver in order to move us forward toward our goal. Apparently since I didn't run it by them first, even though they had nothing to do with it, it wasn't right.

So, I had to go to the person that stated the mess and talk to her about it. I had to explain that she disrespected me and could have come and talked to me personally rather than go so far above my head that even my manager knew nothing about it. Whee.

Then, later, we find that the hardware we've been using for testing isn't appropriate for anything we're using it for. Joy. It has to be rebuilt. This means that the last two weeks have almost been a total waste of time. I could have done everything I did here in Orlando. Of course, I never would have had the chance to party with Twink in Denver or go to Vail, Colorado... but still, it's just frustrating.

On top of that... I don't know... this is hard. It is a sad state in one's life when one realizes that they've been pursuing something that just didn't matter. Even worse, when faced with what they were supposed to pursue... and realizing it's so far away that they may never catch up to it... it's like a knife through the heart. I'm not going to get into the details. They're far too personal. Suffice to say that I'm having a personal crisis of faith... faith in myself and what I've done to my life. I've put my faith in science and man. Not in family and love. In my heart, I have always been about family and love... but my actions would seem to indicate otherwise. All I can do and be now is someone who helps others see the truth and realize what's important in life. I can turn my sacrifice into something beautiful if I try. Maybe that's why I've been blessed with what seems to be no earthly worries and as many talents as I have been. To teach and inform. To reach out to those who are confused or lost and help show them the way back... before it's too late. To be an example. I know, some of you have no clue what I'm talking about... some of you do and think I'm being melodramatic. But I consider this to be of paramount importance. No greater love, style.

Well, I need to get to work. So I'll close this for now. More later.

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