ARGH!

"You do too much!" "You're not helping!" ARGH!

Why can't people just take care of themselves? WHY?! Why can't they see the world around them and handle their own business? Why do we let depression and self-pity take control of our actions?! It makes me so mad!!

My roommate gets SO cranky and maudlin in the mornings. He's sick right now, so it's double-trouble. Meanwhile, I'm trying to focus on things that will keep my spirits light and my energies focused on what needs to be done. And yet that disgusting little monster called depression always finds it's way to my door through someone I care about. I'm sick of it!

Is the answer to stop caring? Should I just stop giving a shit about other people and mind my own business? That's what Twink would suggest. How much depressing BS can one person take before they just tell everyone to shut the hell up and start doing something about their lives?

Yes... yes, I'm not much of one to talk here. I've been in the grip of the monster too. It's held me back from being all that I can be in the past and it will probably try to find another avenue of attack against me at it's earliest convenience. Before, I would let it rule over me and guide my actions. I would let it strangle me into giving up so much of myself until there was almost nothing left. Now, it's just making me angry and it would seem that all the kindness in the world will not defeat it.

This is a case where Love MUST become tough. It must bear the brunt of the onslaught of negativity and stand stalwart against it. It makes me cringe, though. I never know whether or not the person within the grips of the monster will see for themselves that I am not against THEM... but THAT which HAS them. I can feel the desire to fight welling up within me... and it is not a fight with my friends... it's a fight with the monster itself.

The sins of self. I'm not talking about taking care of one's self and being true to one's self. I'm talking about putting one's self in a position to demand pity or praise for their situation or actions. We do what we do because we are led to do it. Just be sure what's leading you is right for you. If it's not, then take action to change it... and fast... before it sucks the very life out of you.

I know how my roommate felt now when he had to deal with my battle with the monster. I understand his love for me moreso now than I did before. This monster is a tricky little bastard. He can use just about anything to keep us from seeing eye-to-eye and sharing our love with one-another... it goes on around us all the time... all over the world... between people and nations... and it's being doing it for several millennia.

I pray for the strength and endurance to withstand the crap and see past the bullshit into my friend's eyes... and to help him see himself the way I do... the way God sees him. So that he might see that his burden is not so heavy as he thinks... and that he has nothing to fear.

Pray for us, please.

Peace,
Jenna