Hats Off

I want to take a moment and tip my invisible hat to Sarama O'Shae. I had the pleasure of catching up on her blog today. This newfound interest is not hard for me to figure out. Reading through her blog posts is a lot like reading through my own (when they're not laced with OMG... I can't believe... WTF... but those are just blog-vents).

Samara, your column expresses much wisdom, curiosity and wonder. I find myself smiling, laughing out loud and generally having a blast as I read the entries. I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading your column for a long time to come.

On to other events...

I have calmed down quite a bit now. It's one of those disquieted calms (yeah... you figure it out if you want or just let your brain go pffft! I know what I mean). I know it's the calm before a bigger storm yet to rage. It's as if a hurricane is coming through and I've been experiencing the feeder bands ... but the eye-wall is still on it's way.

Ehh... I'm not so crazy about that analogy, but it will have to do for now. I was accused, again, of playing mind-games and holding the accuser back form what they really wanted to do in life. Considering I've never held anyone down, held a gun to anyone's head or done anything physical to stop anyone from doing anything, I find the notion ridiculous. I was accused of acting like a child and wanting it all my way. I guess we all want things our own way, and my way is honesty. Sounds strange coming from somone who's gone to great lengths to disguise their genetics... but given that I publicize my disguise, I feel that I can stand on the ground I'm standing on without fear that it will give way. After all, I know what's underneath it anyway.

I didn't respond to the accusations other than to point out what it was I was truly pissed off about. One of these days, I may learn to not respond at all. Given my mouth, that probably won't be until I've passed on, though.

My love for someone must be tough sometimes. When I agree with myself to love another person, it means that sometimes I must tell them what they need to hear, not just what they want to hear. It sounds pretentious. It sounds like I'm putting myself above others. But I also know that this type of love is not foreign to anyone on the planet. It just is as it is. I don't like doing it tho... but no one said I had to like it.

I will stand behind my words with actions. Sometimes I won't say anything and just act without words.... but I am a rooster (by chinese astrology) and a consumate actor so more often I feel the need to annouce. It gives me something to shoot for for myself, I guess. "Well, I said I was going to and by God I'm gonna do it." Yes, sometimes these things get put on hold. But I know I will not forget all that I have to do, all I must repay, etc. It will all catch up with me eventually and I will hold myself accountable for anything and everything I put myself up to do.

So if I bluster on and on... if I take the moral high-ground from time to time... if I sound like I'm talkin' shit or talkin' out of my ass... take a moment and ask yourself when you might have done the same... or when it might have looked that way to someone else. Then forgive yourself for it and those around you for doing it... and do some real thinking. You'll be surprised what you can come up with once it's completely out of your system.

Peace,
Jenna