Thursday, October 25, 2007

Night vs. Day

So, I've had two different guys chatting with me online recently. First, there's the guy I met on He and I have been sharing about our interests in life and have been talking about the need for someone to dork out with, etc. He's 40 years old and has been pretty much what I need in a friend right now. I'm sure he's getting curious about me and how I've come to be where I am now, but he hasn't expressed it and has been more interested in sharing common interests. He wants to take me out to a movie this weekend. He offered to pay but I told him I didn't want that... friendships are often damaged severely (and sometimes irreparably) by money and I don't need any more of that. Hopefully he won't puff up and insist... I'll have to tell him no, then... which would suck because so far he's been really cool.

Then there's the other guy who just suddenly popped up on my instant messenger one day. For the past three days he's been blowing up my IM with more questions than the spanish inquisition. He wants to know all about me and I kept trying to tell him to slow down and relax and chill out... but he's focused and obsessed. Then I find out today, according to his own admission, that the only reason he's rushing it a bit is that he might be leaving Orlando soon and headed back to Chicago. Well, what was he expecting me to do? Follow him there? Companions are not an impulse buy, ya know. It takes time, patience, love and attention. I've had very good examples of what makes a good relationship. I've had good examples of what makes for a shitty relationship too... beginning to actually get 4 when I put 2 and 2 together now. I eventually just had to put the second guy on ignore because he was driving me crazy with questions and couldn't seem to understand that I was a) trying to work and b) didn't want to be interrogated about my life. I felt like I was being interviewed and that I was beginning to look like an easy target to him. The more they know, the easier it is for them to work out what it takes to get you to say yes. Yeah, I know it's sorta fucked up for me to say this now given my situation... after all I've had first-hand experience with this behavior... but at least I'm learning.

Currently, I'm reminding myself to be thankful for what I have and to be mindful of the promises I've made and the people I associate with. I'm not so quick to let things slide anymore and now I point out duplicity and cowardice in others' lives... it's easier having experienced it myself and knowing what it's done to me and my relationships with friends and loved ones... again I can really identify with some of Billy Joel's songs.

At any rate, like I said... the first guy seems to have his shit together so far. We'll see.

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