Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Today I Am Free

So, today I start a new chapter. I am keeping to myself in this journal now. Too many people know my business and interfere in my business. The one person who helped usher in beautiful change to my life has become estranged to me and my reality has fallen so far apart that I escape into fantasy as often as I can. I'm starting to more fully realize when I do this now and am beginning to make subtle (and drastic) changes in my life to rebuild that which I once had, ever so briefly.

Twink entered my life for a reason. Given that particular passage of human wisdom, I hope there are cases where reason, season and lifetime aren't necessary mutually exclusive. I hope that one can transition to another. But that will only be told through the annals of time immortal itself.

My tasks ahead are both easy and hard. Some are emotional, some are physical, some are mental and some are spiritual. Each category has both hard and easy tasks. Some will cut me to the quick. Some will be no-brainers. But this is life.... real life. I look forward to making these days ahead count for something. I just hope I'm picking the right horse. It feels like the right one in my bones. I'm at that crossroads again and I'm going the other way this time. It will be very lonely for a long time, I'm sure. But it will be an honest one.

I hope I can reach those I love somehow. Most will not understand and will look at me in disgust from what I've done. But I have to be honest with myself and with them and not fear their repercussions. I will deal with life as it comes no matter what happens. I give my life back to the God that formed me in my mothers' womb. I return to that which I was before the darkness took hold. About 25 years have been stolen from my service in Love. That stops here and now.

An easy task? No... but I never do anything small.

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