Change Is Inevitable

"Ever wish you could freeze frame a moment in your day, and look at it and say 'this is not my life'?" - Robin Williams as Daniel Hillard in Mrs. Doubtfire

Change, dear friends, is inevitable. I feel it calling, beckoning me. When life becomes perfunctory and one feels like one is just treading water, it's time to make drastic changes in one's life. It's that zest, that drive, that passion that makes life worth living.

I wrote about Sunset 07, and in the past I've written about other events and parties and such that have changed my way of thinking over the past couple of years. I've been slowly waking up to a reality that not too many, I feel, truly see or believe. A reality where everyone does what they want to do... not what they have to do.

Oh sure, you say, that's fine but everyone has to work, pay taxes, maintain a home, put food on the table, pay bills, etc. etc. right? Well, yes... but these can be wants... not just needs. You can work where you want, live where you want, eat what you want, pay for what you want, etc. It's all a matter of perspective.

For years... YEARS... I have maintained the perspective that money is the key to survival. It's what makes the world go 'round as some would say. Well, it's what makes this society go 'round, that's for sure. But I don't see any other species on this planet requiring money to live and live happily. We protect their freedoms yet enslave ourselves. To make the money we need to make to support ourselves we agree to SO many restrictions! We're told how to dress, what to say, how to act, what to do, when to do it and if we just follow those rules, we get the fat cash.

It's becoming more and more clear to me every day that these restrictions and requirements are exactly what makes us unhappy. Life doesn't work on a time-schedule. It doesn't care. It REALLY doesn't. Friends and family need help and attention when they need it... not when it's convenient. Opportunities for different lives come and go throughout our lives and we either grab at them or we let them pass by. I am a notorious risk-taker. Sometimes they've paid-off, sometimes they've failed spectacularly. That doesn't change my drive to take the risk to make my life (and hopefully others' lives) happier and more fulfilling.

Today, I'm looking back at my life and thinking carefully about the choices I have made and how I came to them. The complexity I have fallen into has just about completely driven me to the breaking point. Freedom has a price, I'm told. Does it really? Is it really that hard to find true happiness? I don't think so. I know when I'm happiest. I know when I'm happiest creatively, work-wise, play-wise, etc. I know what I enjoy doing and how I like to express myself. My eyes were opened by some of the most wonderful people on Earth about 2 years ago. Each day that goes by in this corporate, cookie-cutter, same-thing-happens-every-day, little boxes life is driving me faster and faster to escape it.

I get the feeling that people don't believe me when I say I can do without all the techy trappings I've become accustomed to. Yet at this point in my life, I've begun to realize that I can. I put myself in a situation where I had to do without a lot of the things I've grown to value. When I've tried to add some of these things back in to my life as it is now, I've suffered. It's been one of the best things for me in my life. I have always sought the "best" out of life as defined by the world at large. Everything from the best car/house all the way down to the best condiments, makeup, etc. Best always meant expensive. That just isn't true.

It's taken me a long time to get to this point and now I'm ready to bolt. I rebelled against the machine that said I had to be and act a certain way only to find myself back in the same machine in order to "fit-in" after my rebellion took it's course. Heh... the machine will get you one way or another unless you TRULY say, "no more."

Different people value different things. Family, Wealth, Status, Fame, etc. are all examples. I value simplicity and freedom. I long for it with every fiber of my being now. As I said before, opportunities come and go and we choose which ones to snag. An opportunity was presented to me about 2 or 3 months ago that is one that I know I can not let pass me by. My way of thinking, my lifestyle, my choices, everything about me is being tested to determine if I can truly handle the opportunity being presented. I am quickly learning what it is that is important to me. I am also learning how to balance this with my currently complex existence and how to defuse the ticking time-bomb of my life that I have created. I just wish I could make it happen a little faster somehow.

Do I want to party all the time? Well, in a sense, yes. But not in the sense that I consume everything and do nothing in return. I want life to be a party all the time... no matter if it's at work, at home or wherever I find myself. If I don't, I will make myself AND those around me miserable. I will continue to fall prey to the need to talk about it (like I'm doing now... yes, I recognize it) rather than actually do something about it. I am trying to hold on... to do what I have to do in order to escape this hole of life-trapping I've stumbled into... but sometimes I simply need a break.

So now, I commit myself to making the change for my own life. It means much more sacrifice than I've made yet so far, but it also means laying the foundation for a happier life for me. Change is inevitable ... and I am ready for it's embrace.

Peace,
Jenna