Monday, November 19, 2007


I just finished watching a beautiful movie called "The Story Of Us." I had never seen it before. I know some people who would say it's mushy, it's fantasy, fiction, whatever. I'm not listening to them right now.... I'm listening to me and what my heart is saying ... saying so loud I can barely think or breathe.

It's the story of a couple that fall in love and over time let the fighting become more to them than the good times they shared together. But at the end, love finally wins and triumphs over all the negativity and assumptions and bullshit that the world brings into their lives.

As I watched it, I found myself thinking about all the people I have loved in my life. But mostly I thought of Rob. I've enacted the same story with many people though. It's not the easiest thing in the world for me to admit when I'm wrong. The times I have let hate, jealousy, envy, fear or anything else win the battles that eventually come up between two people. But it always takes two to tango and yes, I have been guilty of not seeing things through anyone else's eyes but my own. I have been guilty of letting money and worldly bullshit take control of who I am but it's NOT who I am.

I am who I am. The shell I'm in is simply how I express myself. There's not one person in my life that I can't look at or look at a picture of and think of fond memories with them and love that was shared. Why is it so hard to hold onto that? What is it that keeps us from fighting for the love that binds us together? I swear, as God (and all of you) as my witness... I will not let the darkness rule my life anymore. I know it's coming up with new ways to get me... through people, through situations, through so many things. BUT IT WILL NOT WIN!!

To ALL that I have loved in my life. I still love you. I will forever love you. I will make mistakes. I will do what I can to correct them. I will fall every now and then... but I will get right back up and keep trying until I have it right.

Love Always,

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